Fjdreams' Blog-orrific Extravaganza Espectacularsíssi

The Prawn is beginning to gain momentum again. My will to stop it is decreasing. My desire to cease is befuddled. As long as I'm single y sin opciones, the Prawn will continue to gradually gain ground, I gather.

The deluge is gathering strength!!! Who can ask me for more?

Something is different.

It's only different on some of the days, and those days are victories, I guess. Or I can count the days when it all goes back to how it was before as utter failures--failures which reset my counter to zero.
But do I need a hard counter? Maybe I'm realizing that I can coexist with the prawns, but only when it isn't fogging my mind. When I'm not engulfed in the constant obsession, and my mind is free to think about all the other things in life I need to do/start/finish/wash the dishes, then I think it's ok to indulge from time to time.

I cheated on my birthday. And I cheated on Sunday. Am I just convincing myself it's ok because the addiction is too strong? Or can it actually work?

But at least it's not always on my mind like it was before. The impulses are still there. I get the idea to google something and have to tell myself I'm not doing that anymore. The difference is that the thoughts and images and ideas aren't constantly distracting me. Well, I guess I should specify that it's not those thoughts and ideas, just different ones, but at least these are irl ones, and not the usual shit.

Onward, ho!

I gave it up again.
It's difficult,
but necessary
It's still in my head, though, and that's what needs to change. It'll take a while.
There's just too much everywhere all the time.

Well I came home to find her bed was gone.
I left and came back to find the dinner table was gone.
The coffee table is gone.
Her pots and pans are gone.
Mine remains, scorched and dirty.


Tonight is the first night she's not sleeping at home. The sense of relief is overshadowed at times by the terror of what lies ahead. The prospect of getting a-head from someone new, though, ha ha..... Well, boys will be boys, I suppose from my neck to my toes.

She said she smelled my pillow before she left and the smell alone was enough to make her cry uncontrollably. She's rotten, through and through.

The only thing I fear is that this sense of numbness and indifference is fake. How can I care so little about breaking up with the person that's been a part of my daily life, whether we were together or not, for over 8 years? Is it a defense mechanism, one that won't let me actually get close to feeling "feelings" about this? Or do we once again have indelible proof that I'm just an asshole? All this and more, plus Andy Rooney, tonight on "Who Gives a Shit?" dun dun dun

Well come? No, thanks; I'll have top-shelf.

I love blogs. I have another blog that I've had forever and ever, but I shant share that because there is too much penile activity on it.

So what brings me here today? I have a question in my mind that has stemmed from my current/looming breakup. And it goes a little something like this: Can you/ How can you/ How should you/ Are you a fucking asshole if you- break up with some of your current friends?


I've been hanging out with some people for around 2 years now that I don't think are the "best fit" for me. I guess I just liked hanging out with someone instead of no one, and, as selfish as it is, I liked smoking their weed. They are huge potheads so they don't mind me smoking with them occasionally. I feel as though I need to move on and find friends that I have more in common with. Maybe I'll just hang out fewer times a month. I'm just in a funk, I think. Whatever. Why did I write this? It's boring. Basically, I'm a selfish asshole for hanging out with these people when I don't like them all that much, and now I'm bored and want new, better friends. But why should I deserve better friends? We'll see what happens.

Well, I will see what happens. You won't. Now get out of my house.