Duncan's Blog

offensive
—used as an insulting and contemptuous term for a poor, white, usually Southern person

sometimes offensive : a native or resident of Florida or Georgia
—used as a nickname

I remember being at work and having to deliver a document to one of the clinicians. She was lounging with two of her colleagues. The ringleader of the three was talking about the executive director and called him a back woods cracker as I entered the room. She held her fingers to her lips and said, "Ooops!"
"Don't worry, Miss Brown," I told her. "I'm not offended by the word. I'm a damn Yankee!"

There was another time in my life when I was volunteering for the AIDS Project Los Angeles and my client was a Mexican man from Chihuahua. I don't think I had ever met anyone from that state before or since. Anyway, I would see him about three times a week. Then one time out of nowhere, he stopped answering my calls or returning my messages. He was absent for about a month. I didn't have the kind of relationship with him that I could just drop by without his agreeing to see me. Then when the month was over he spoke to me again.
"What was that all about?" I had asked.
"My parents were here. They were staying with me."
"Oh," I said sounding a little hurt. "Are you embarrassed because I'm gay?"
"No," he said. "They have seen gay people before. I would have a hard time explaining to them how I was friends with an Anglo."
I thought I would bust a gut laughing. I've been called many different names in my life, but no one has ever called me an Anglo before.

My adopted People are the Unitarian-Universalists in a Southern Californian city.

Wiki describes it as such:

"Unitarian Universalism (otherwise referred to as UUism or UU) is a liberal religion characterized by a "free and responsible search for truth and meaning". Unitarian Universalists assert no creed, but instead are unified by their shared search for spiritual growth.

"These traditions are summarized by the Six Sources and Seven Principles of Unitarian Universalism, documents recognized by all congregations who choose to be a part of the Unitarian Universalist Association."

I liken it to my childhood time in the Scouts of America. The organization attempts to instill a sense of doing the right things for our fellow humans and the planet. We think in terms of having scarce and precious resources and tend not to waste. This is reflected in much of the conspicuous consumption of the capitalist society; disposable items such as plates and utensils, eating fractional amounts of food and tossing away the rest, running water needlessly, heating water needlessly, excessive use of fossil fuels. The list goes on.

Of course there are times when we are sometimes in conflict with one another. We have to work within a paradigm of the laws of the land. Naturally, it's easier and more advantageous when one's home base is a liberal place (city, state, country). We believe in providing refuge or safe harbor for someone who might be persecuted or killed in the homeland.

Sometimes, though, I do feel as if something is terribly lacking. Today, for example, the minister was talking about losing something and then finding what was lost. She went further into the metaphoric meaning of this and used the terms lost, redemption, and salvation. These are not aspects of my historic religious belief system and not anything I'm planning on adding to the group.

I also have no intention or plans of bringing my monotheistic G*d into the group. If I wanted the relationship with Him I would probably work and reading Biblical Hebrew and participate in ongoing prayers of exaltation.

My original question here is a wonder if G*d ever presents at the U-U church in this Southern CA city. His name is never mentioned. Historic references from the Good Book are actually few and far between. He, no doubt, is happy that the flock has activities for young children, that the land is fertile and tended to, and that there is fellowship at the end of the hour of service.

Not sure what it is I seek. I attend less and less (although I do send in a weekly pledge). Things are just a little weak with my spirit; someone who is in the hopes of finding something more meaningful than what it is that is offered.

I have a few decades of journals on the shelves at home. Most of them are simple marble covered composition notebooks with brown paper covering (i.e., a recycled market sack). Even though a period of 10-20 years had been expressed during the writing time, I could probably retell a few topics that would be repeated throughout that era:
Sex (in different venues), being poor, not knowing where the next meal would come from, friendships, betrayals, language, homosexuality, struggle with identity, religious affiliation, struggle with food choices, transportation
There are lots of things that I regret. That I was not a better student. Now I have trouble retaining anything. (I wasn't all that good at it in my youth with the exception of the things that I liked to learn... usually language). So math and science were struggles. And remembering anything about history never captured my mind. That's about half the day of school right there. And I went to a highly academic school where the sciences were sometimes doubled in a semester.
Now we have blogs. And my conversations with my brain are pretty much the same with the exception of 'Sex (in different venues) because, well, it doesn't happen very much. These days I want to know who it is I am encountering and I ask what he wants or what he likes or to which political party he is affiliated. Most of the time the ones that seem most likely to say yes are the ones who have very different wants than I. never in my youth would I imagine that there would be computer social scenes with guys who are looking for masters or dominant controllers. I'm more egalitarian.
While I have been focusing ever so much on a more plant-based life, I have suddenly been drawn to experimenting with chicken. And the study of different chicken dishes had brought me to read about mono (monotrophic) diets.
"What Is a Mono Diet?
"The mono diet, also known as a monotrophic diet is a diet for which you only consume one type of food. Proponents claim that it can lead to quick and easy weight loss. But the claims are not rooted in any science, and there are plenty of science-backed reasons to avoid trying a mono diet. Your body needs a variety of nutrient-rich foods to function correctly." (taken from The Mono Diet: Pros, Cons, and What You Can Eat). Don't worry, it isn't happening. Chicken might be an addition to a single meal per day. I still love me my rice and beans too much. Yet, I do recognize this type of poultry as being one of the more flexible sources of meat-based protein. And I do have happy memories of childhood chicken.
There are many times when I shake my head in wonder and disbelief about what others dedicate their lives to. For a long time I had known people (well, men), who were obsessed by the horror of their having been circumcised as infants. They referred to the practice as mutilation. Mutilation? Really? So many other bigger issues to concern oneself with that the uncircumcised penis seems to pale in comparison.
So these days I have to count my blessings and think about my treasures. They are many!

"Feelings, nothing more than feelings
"Trying to forget my feelings of ____"

I got off the phone with a long-term friend (30+ years). We have a history and he has an even bigger history than I. He had written a book and during the time he was writing the book I had to listen to him talk about the process of writing the book (being told that I was in the book). Now that the book is written, published, and available on AMAZON, our conversations would be centered around what I thought of the book. Well, I hadn't bought it and I had no intention of reading it.

I haven't spoken to him in probably nine months or so. He is rather self-centered and gets bent out of shape if I'm not asking questions about him and the book. In a moment of trying out reciprocity, he had asked me how my Mother was.

"My Mother? She passed away."

"What? Why didn't I know about it. You didn't call me."

"No I didn't. I posted it on Facebook. I couldn't get back east for the funeral. I saw it on ZOOM."

He was toking weed during the call. Maybe it was the dry cracking that I heard in his voice. Or the awkward pauses (phrasing). Or perhaps it was the long inhalations after which I would hear him start to speak with a smoke-filled exhalation.

He broke here and there from the book and told me of his current ailments. Neuropathy and edema. And he told me of the medications that he took for the conditions. And he shared how his doctors had prescribed Oxycodone and of how the drug prevented him from thinking.

My day job deals with knowing the disorders, degeneration, and/or infections of those who come into my room. Why do people think that I am interested in hearing about their conditions? Why do people think that I would have an opinion about drug dosing (especially if I hadn't been in contact with them in almost a year)? So I listened and was feeling more agitated and annoyed as the question of why I hadn't bought or read the book came up.

"I'm pretty busy at work. And, as a rule, I don't like to bring work home. So when I come home, I pretty much make myself dinner, feed the cat, and go to sleep."

"Oh," he said, "well, I was beginning to think that I was falling into the category of people that you call from your car when you're going from one place to another and just have blank, empty space to fill."

"Well, a**wipe, had it ever occurred to you that maybe phoning someone from inside my car is one of the few times and places when I can be completely private? I live with others and sometimes the walls have ears." (G*d forbid I should wash a dish or my hands while I am on the phone with this one because then I would be demonstrating that my attention is elsewhere).

O M G. I honestly can't remember the last time I had felt so attacked by someone who seemed to want to have a pleasant conversation. Well, it's going to be another 6-9 months before the next call happens.

Most folks who know me generally know that it is I who is the one who initiates contacts. And oddly enough, when someone tries calling me, he/they/it/she will sometimes initially say something such as, "Gee, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope everything is okay." To that, I generally reply with the standard, " As Mama used to say, 'The phone works both ways!' "

I'm actually not a particularly engaging person. I don't feel like expending the energy to read this guy's memoirs. Mind you, after 30+ years I had heard most of these stories already. Do I need to read about them? Do I care?

One thing's for sure. No one will ever have to worry about my writing down the story of my life followed by accusations as to why no one has read it.

49°F
Precipitation: 94%
Humidity: 88%
Wind: 2 mph

It might not seem like much to you (or you), but for a spoiled Southern Californian, rain, wind, and cold temperatures challenge my coping mechanisms. The normal (i.e., sensible) one would say, "Dress warmly. Put on some thermals. Wear thick socks. Drink hot tea."
Easier said than done. We worry about being in buildings that are or will be overheated. Well, guess what. The price of heating gas seems to have doubled. So even the powers that be at my workplace are keeping the temperatures at low mercury points. I find myself wearing my hoodie throughout the day.
For nearly two years I have also decided to loose weight. The change has made me much more sensitive to the cold. Of course, those whom I don't call 'friend', would more likely remind me that it is my advanced age that is probably the culprit in the sensitivity to cold conundrum.
What do you like to wear when it's cold?