Duncan's Blog

No six packs here.

I have never reached that comfort level of identifying myself as a cis-male. Should a person have to declare his/her/its/their gender or sex upon presentation with respect to what it was determined to have been at birth? The process is still strange to me.
Unless, of course, the individual opts to be ambiguous by choice. I think of Pat from Saturday Night Live.

Young people look at someone and can fixate on some of the oddest things to poke fun at. Some thought my ears were large (usually the African American boys who seemed to have smaller ones). They (my ears) were more pronounced with crew cuts that my father insisted I have.

I had a belly and I hated sports. I never understood why anyone wanted to be outside for long periods of time. What's more I never understood why anyone wanted to participate in team sports. Having one friend at a time was difficult enough, but to have to interact with a group was a brutal challenge. I couldn't hit and I had asthma, so running was a dangerous undertaking.

Then there were the allergies. I was allergic to a lot of foods that my family craved... shrimp, lobster, and other bottom feeders that were popular in the Chinese restaurants. I suspect the MSG also contributed to bodily reaction to these crustaceans.

Monosodium glutamate (MSG): What it is, and why you might consider avoiding foods that contain it - Harvard Health

According to a good deal of the literature online, the allergy is referred to as a myth that has been debunked. I like to think that I am part of the small subset that is still affected by it. Why take a risk?

In my adult years, I have gone into restaurants that served food with shrimp. The effects are not as violent as they once were, but I still noted smaller rashes popping up (and lasting longer). But I digress.

I struggle with my weight. I like to eat what I like to eat, and I have to focus on making sure my portions are measured and 'sensible'. I used to be able to 'go on a diet' and have positive results. But now? What's wrong? What I observe is that there is a noted lack of physical activity in my life. It isn't impossible to overcome this loss. There is a fitness center where I work which means I can walk on a treadmill before or after work. There are flat streets in my neighborhood, and I know, for example that a one-way stroll to ALDI is 1½ miles (1,61 kms), or to Sprouts is 1.7 miles (2,74 kms). A walk to Global Fresh (formerly known as ValuMart) is just one mile south of the homestead (1,61 kms).
I loathe walking in the summertime. Even as late as 1930 (just an hour and a half before the stores close the doors) it can be too hot to ambulate. And who wants to make the return trip with a shopping sack filled with cans of tuna or beans?

Now that I am in my mid-60s, the shaming seems to be less. No one of course says things like, "Wow, you really look good for your age." I've reached a point in my life wherein I enjoy being ignored (unless I'm looking for a job, of course).

I also avoid body shaming. There are things that I find jarring still such as multiple piercings, excessive tattoos, 9-inch fingernails, nasty looking feet in flip-flops.

My hair is shoulder length, and I keep a beard long enough to cover the dewlap or turkey waddle. The turkey waddle is part of the anterior triangle (submandibular triangle and submental triangle). In older folks, it hangs. Curiously, I have never thought much of plastic surgery. There is nothing anatomically or physiologically wrong with the region. It doesn't affect eating or swallowing and it doesn't cause any stress to glands or muscles. When I think of plastic surgery the two faces that come to mind are Nancy Reagan and Joan Rivers. The former had a level of vanity that could only be described as superficially republican. The latter one was a vulgar comic who referred to herself as a satirist. A satirist is someone who can shame or humiliate others without fear of retribution.

That's about it for body shaming... for now...

What perversion is going through your mind?

Because she became a pagan? Because she went directly from omnivore to vegan without the in-between steps? Because she added another person to her monogamous, heteronormative, male-dominant paradigm of the marital institution?

No!

You betrayed me in a more serious manner...

I live a blue state that resonates with me. There are counties or pockets of the state wherein the blueness is marginalized. I think of the O.C., rich Marin, and parts of the agrarian San Juaquín Valley. I generally stay clear of these regions. The O.C. is a county I drive through on the way to San Diego. I try not even to buy gas there. I voted for Hillary. And I voted for Kamala. But I was never a big fan of Bernie.

So what's up with this unfriended friend? She was in a volunteer group of mine that was sponsored by the AIDS Project Los Angeles. It was the buddy program. We teamed up with someone who was HIV+ (i.e., "had AIDS" at the time) and we'd meet once a month in a group to talk about the month's experiences that we had had with our client.

This woman lived well. She was the daughter two Nazarene missionaries (one of three girls). Both parents were Latin Americans. Yes, I still raise my eyebrows when I meet Latins who aren't Catholic and hold back asking, "So, when did your family convert?" She married a Jewish guy she had met at work; his parents owned the restaurant franchise.

She never converted and he never converted. It was on her bucket list. She even said, "It's easier for a Christian to become Jewish. We have all of the blind faith pre-programmed." (So, what's that mean? All you do is just make sure you don't mention Jesus and keep ham and shrimp out of the fridge and BOOM you're a Jewess)?

They lived well and had a daughter together later in life. They are in their 60s and the little one is in undergraduate college. Then, one day, they decided to leave the Golden State and move to Tennessee. She had never lived outside California except for a few pre-teen years in Texas. "I've always wanted to live in the east. I've always wanted to experience the seasons."

Fall Foliage Tours | Tauck I was a travel agent for over two decades in California and have grown so tired of hearing that sh*t! Want to see the leaves change color? Book a tour of New England, upstate New York, the mid-Atlantic, or the glorious south.

But they moved. She also said she wanted to get more bang for her buck. Their home in the San Fernando Valley was a place that had been uninhabitable for over a year due to gas leaks from the gas company. They lived in a motel during that time. I'm sure when everything got cleaned up, their buck banged when they sold the property.

Did they expect to earn the same amount that they were making in southern California? The Jewish husband gave up working as a private investigator and went back to his roots in the franchise food industry. He is an employee at Chik-fil-A. She works in the administrative office of a hospital. The little girl is in George Washington and is no longer on scholarship. I don't think the parents looked closely at financial aid. I'm guessing there wasn't a huge college fund. I'm guessing none of this is none of my business, so I don't much ask anything even when I'm told what the situation is.

She has made comments about Trump that were not in line with my overall negativity. Maybe he is cleaning house of government agencies; getting rid of the lazy people who work for a free ride. I told her that he had eliminated the unions and thereby took away the rights of labor. Maybe the rights go against productivity in the workplace.

Then she started in on the governor of the state. Gavin!!? Don't pick on him to me. He is more than just eye candy. I know she was probably thinking of the redistricting that he is planning, but instead she went for the highspeed railway that has never gotten off the ground. Billions spent, miles to go: The story of California’s failure to build high-speed rail

The problem didn't start with Mr Newsom. And the republicans have not been supportive in helping with the hindrances that have faced the project. I'd love to see it in my lifetime, but it's not the highest thing on my list.

We all have one in our lives. Some have more. Others have many more.

Being disappointed is my choice. I never asked you to be the way you were and I certainly never had the right to wish or expect you to be any different than that.

So, why the disappointment?

No matter how attentive I am to the story I am being told, I can never fully appreciate what is going on in the mind of someone who grew up under totally different circumstances.

Dale was one of those people who lived in Ohio near the West Virginia border. It sounds pretty and rural; brooks and trees in areas that have more churches than people. They also have a lot of alcoholism, racism, homophobia and generalized hate. Many express a love of Jesus and a desire to aspire to living a life that would make Him proud. Not sure how proud Jesus would be knowing that one of his 'sons' was being called f*gg*t within the family.

Dale had to leave 'home' when he was 17 because his father was chasing him with a shotgun after the teenager came out. I guess if praying the gay away doesn't work, a rifle is probably the next best tool of choice. Dale did find someone who took him in and the two were long-term lovers.

But Dale had other health problems that affected his life. While doing roofing, he lost his balance, fell, and landed on a rock. It shattered his hip. He was rushed to a county hospital. They had never worked on the hip of a person so young. No one ever said this for sure, but I suspect the surgery/surgeries were a collection of f**k ups with the possible insertion of metals that were defective.

In another mishap, Dale was burning trash outside. Some of the ingredients were probably more flammable than others. He got hit by a fire ball. Again... rushed to a hospital (I think this one was air-vac). Healing from burns is painful. Skin never quite looks the same. And there is great risk for infection. And infection was something that he got in heaping doses. So, he'd be hooked to an IV drip of some broad-based antibiotic, and he'd be somewhat better, but never fully 100%.

When xMas rolled around, Dale and his life partner were headed to Maryland for some holiday cheer. Just as they had closed the gate to the farm, they got

t-boned by a drunk driver. I guess someone was hitting the sauce a tad bit early that year. The both of them went to the hospital with broken bones.

Dale lost his life partner to cancer. I don't think they were ever officially married. Dale became addicted to pain killers. I used to send him money every now and again for emergencies, but that ended when the money went for cigarettes and 'pain pills' that he would buy from his neighbor. Dale decided to make his own pain medicine. That life choice landed him in prison.

When he was released, I had offered to take him in. He never said no and he never said yes. He knew, I suppose, that I would not put up with his using. So, he opted to live with someone who took most of his money, but who also shared drugs with him.

Dale died of internal bleeding. Not quite sure if it was his esophagus or liver. I'm sure it was painful.

I considered him a friend. He called me the same back, but he never quite said it in deeds. I had been tempted to tell him that he was loved (you know, by Jesus and me), but I never quite got around to saying it because then the other person might feel there is an implied obligation to say something back. And there is nothing worse in life than sharing an I LOVE YOU with someone who can't or won't say it back. I even had someone tell me that I was NEVER to say that again.

I wish I could have been more helpful. I wish you had been more trusting. You certainly had nothing to be afraid of with me.

The memory of your company is still a part of my daily reflections. Maybe I have to (re-)consider from whom the bigger disappointment was.

The Unhooked Generation - It's a Matter of Life & Breath - Retro Commercial - Dec 30, 1969 - 4K

"It's a matter of life and breath."

Habits. I've had a few over the years. Caffeine consumption, tobacco, laziness with regards to tidying up. I have managed to knock down the caffeine to about 2 - 2½ cups per day. Fortunately for me, I actually like the taste of water that has nothing added to it.

The number of smokers in my life has dwindled considerably. I still have the chain-smoking friend in San Francisco and at work the only one who comes to mind is the pharmacy technician. I'm pretty sure neither of them wants to quit. I know the San Franciscan was once asked if he had ever tried and he seemed almost proud to say, "No!"

I've quit a few times, but this last time has probably been the longest (23 years). There are times when I see the cigarette and wonder how my body would react to it. Then I think of how easy it would be to convince myself that becoming re-addicted would not happen. Then I think how stupid it would be to even try.

As a healthcare worker, there are things that I can easily monitor. One such thing is the pulse oximetry. Mine is usually between 95-97%. I blame it on the Los Angeles air that I breathe, but I also blame it on the years of inhaling American tobacco products. The damage has been done and even though we are reminded that time heals most of the organs, I question just how busy my lungs are in restoring themselves from whatever evils they had been exposed to over the decades. So I stay clear.

And here I was thinking that it was about the demand deposit account and how much money you could withdraw!

Checks and balances refer to a system in which the powers of government are divided among separate branches—typically the legislative, executive, and judicial branches. This system is designed to prevent any one branch from exercising too much power and to promote accountability and transparency in governance. Each branch has specific powers and responsibilities, and mechanisms are in place to allow them to check each other's actions.

Obviously, this one is trying to be light-hearted at a time in history (i.e., the present) where the nation is run by a fascist dictator. Why is there no one or nor force that sees this? Why is this allowed? Why are there so many a**holes/a**wipes who support this form of so-called leadership.

The supreme court is bought and paid for. That woman judge Cannon in Florida is another example of the black robe that's bought and paid for on a different level. Where are the checks? Where is the balance?

My own party has in-fighting from those who decent. How are we going to fight united(ly) with all of this bickering. I know! I know! When the GOPers join together and vote in lockstep, we call them nazis or puppets. There are times when I think of getting citizenship elsewhere just so that I don't have to pull out the blue passport. This one is probably the least used passport I have ever owned.

Maybe it's time for a name change, too...