Sex Tips - What Extramarital Affairs Are All About - Part 1

Published by Barry Mandelay in the blog Barry Mandelay's blog. Views: 259

I have had extramarital affairs within our marriage. I’m not the first or only partner in a thought to be monogamous relationship that has ever done so. Many others, both husband and wife, have committed infidelity in the marriage and broached the subject of having sex with others outside of marriage. Here's some data to ponder concerning marriage. Did you know the percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America is 53%? True, and the percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional hangs in at 41%. Now the percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had is 57%. On the other side 43% of men will not admit to it or did not commit any infidelity. This tells me that the percentage is actually higher of those who did as I conclude that a certain number of the 43% actually committed infidelity in the relationship but refuse to tell. Along with men the percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had is 54%. 46 percent either did not stray in the relationship or would not admit to it just like the men. Therefore the 54% number is probably higher. The average length of an affair is 2 years. I was surprised by the fact that the persons in the affair hid their involvement for an average of 2 years? The other spouses had no idea this was happening and was there no remorse with either of the participants of the affair? For some reason I am blown away by this stat. But not all is lost as 31% of marriages last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered. The reverse of this is that an overwhelming majority of marriages fail due to the admittance of an affair. At least the extramarital sex had something to do with the failure.

Now here's a stat worth noting. The percentage of people who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: Men = 74% Women = 68%. I am surprised by the high percentage of women admitting they would participate in an affair. As for men I can understand. Statistically speaking, men cheat for a single primary reason and that is sex or the lack of it within the relationship thereof.

Human beings are not monogamous by nature. The idea that two people must be exclusively together for life is socially expected. If you look at the reasons behind this position it is less complicated to remain with one partner for life. But humans have sex hundreds of times for every baby conceived. We have sex for reasons other than procreation, and the human desire to experiment is far too great for many to limit themselves to one sexual partner for the rest of their lives. Each human has a different level of sexual desire. While one may need sex every day another may only desire it occasionally. Along with that as we age our desires change. A partner may lose the desire due to many reasons. They may be medical or psychological. The other partner may move their level of desire in the same way or opposite. It could be they do not change their level at all. The reality is no one person has the same level of sexuality as another. I have a much stronger desire than my partner which I must satisfy in order to remain stable emotionally. I can not comprehend a life without orgasm.

We have many choices when it comes to our sexual behavior. We are one of the few if not the only species that engages in sex orally, anally, by masturbation, and other forms including sex with physical pain (BDSM). Many of us wish to enjoy sexual variety, but insist on sexual exclusivity for our partner. In that way we don't have to deal with jealousy when it arises because our partner found pleasure without us. We are blessed or cursed with the deep outpouring of emotion. Jealousy in an emotion that intervenes in our relationship with a significant partner. It usually rises the strongest when sex is in the equation. Our brains capacity for intelligence promotes strong emotions like jealousy. Human intelligence is far greater than the next species level of knowledge. A large separation exists between the smartest mammal on this earth and us. We have the ability and desire to reason, invent, explore, laugh, cry, celebrate joy and sorrow, along with a plethora of other emotions as we travel through our lives. What makes human beings special is our ability to do things that are unnatural. Few other species in the world have sex for the pure pleasure of it. Less have sex in areas of the body not created for sex or have sex associated with pain or other fetishes. People are going to do what they want. Some couples learn to create the relationship and sexual lifestyles that they desire. Then they find a way to fit themselves into the culture while they maintain their chosen lifestyle. Most people choose monogamy because of it being so socially acceptable. Monogamy is fine if that's what makes you comfortable. But it's also okay if you prefer to enjoy other sexual partners such as in a polygamy or other type of relationship. Diversity is good, and we should all be able to live as we choose.

The general rule is that men don't desire to mate for life with the first person of the opposite sex they come across. And it's because of this biology, it's believed, that many men experience the natural urge to "spread their seed". Now to be sure, in the case of marriages or committed relationships, there is far more than just biology at work. Many men report a loss of sexual desire for their wives after children are born. Their wives, to them, no longer appear as sex objects, but rather maternal figures. Another widely reported cause is the breakdown of fun or spontaneity in the relationship. For example, for men in long-term relationships sex will become routine or mechanical. It's not the adventure it once was, but simply a means to an end. And so they seek that adventure again, that adrenaline rush, with another woman or women. Yet, another cause of men wanting multiple partners is more biology related. The inherent need to conquer. Think ego. It's reported that many men will seek sex outside of a relationship simply to see if they can do it. To see if they can convince a woman they are attracted to, to sleep with them. It's the "notch in the belt" phenomenon that while frowned upon in America, is surprisingly widely accepted in many other parts of the world.

As for women, when it was explained to me how a woman might define what an affair is the 68% who said they would if they never got caught made more sense. For women an extramarital affair is different. Most women don't cheat for the sake of sex. It's a secondary concern for them. The number one reason they cheat is for an emotional connection. In more than a few instances, women won't even cheat physically. They will carry on emotional affairs where they'll fall in love and experience emotional intimacy with a new partner, while never taking it to the physical level. By physical level I mean physically touching another person, male or female, from just heavy petting to a sexual interlude. These types of emotional affairs can continue for years without ever being detected. This may lend to the 2 year length of affair statistic I was surprised by. Studies have found that in long-term relationships, women, whether they work outside of the house or not, often find themselves shut out emotionally by their spouse. Over 70% of women are still the primary caregivers for their children while also being the cook and the maid whether or not they work outside the home. This leaves them precious little time for themselves to foster a woman's natural urge to grow emotionally. This is an urge typically ignored by men whose primary interest is physical contact. The man in the relationship may become oblivious to this need of their spouse. Thus the longing for a different partner by that spouse who can see them for who they really are begins. And in the weeks, months or even years that follow, they may find such a partner or think they've found one who is better than their spouse. An interesting point to take away from all this is that females deeply yearn for the emotional bond and will strive to find a way to fulfill it. Affairs initiated by women generally last 3 times longer than those initiated by men but most of the time may be taken up by the emotional bonding a woman requires before sexual relations occur. This bonding may or may not be recognized by the male participant in the affair until the physical contact is initiated. Like her present partner or husband this new man is also oblivious to this need. And the cycle continues.
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