Plastic Dummies: Adults and Infants (! אֲנִי עָצוּבֿ מְאוֹד)

C(ardio) P(ulmonary) R(esuscitation)

It's a skill that I need to update on a quarterly basis. Lately I have been thinking about my competency. I have been performing my basic job tasks for close to two decades without failure. Sadly (or stupidly) new elements are added to my job description. I am put into a training class that may be an hour or two hours long. I am then given a test to finish. The results are put into my file and the task is never seen again.
Until it is needed 2 or 3 years down the line. How the heck am I supposed to remember what to attach where? How do I trouble shoot? What am I supposed to look for? What do the words that you are saying even mean? I had an instructor in school who used to yell at the students when they were examining catheters, "CHECK FOR PATENCY." When a student would ask me what it meant (and the instructor heard it) he would bellow out, "It's the state of being PATENT!"
That a**hole instructor got his comeuppance more than once from me. On a note I once wrote, "Patient rent her hospital gown." Rent? He was clueless. I told him that it was the past tense for rend. In another note, I wrote, "Singultus noted." Again he was clueless. He asked a classmate what that was and she said, "Singultus." He said to her, "Yes, I know that. What does it mean?" She said, "It means the patient is hiccuping." He asked her, "How the hell did you know that?" and without a blink she said, "It was on last week's vocabulary test."
I could not breathe life into this stupid dummy on the the 5th floor. Mind you I am 5-7 pounds short of being 200, so when I push down on the sternum (at the xiphoid process rather than at the manubrium), trust and believe the dummy feels it. I got zilch.
It was reported by me to the manager and the educator looked into it. Seems the dummy needed to have his lungs replaced. And so she did it. Our dummy on the 5th floor got a brand spanking new lunch. In case you were wondering, the lung(s) is/are nothing more than a plastic bag that is about as exciting as the kind you get at the produce section of your local grocery store (minus any writing on the bag).
I aced the test. No surprise there.
The biggest joke about this is that we are tested and retested every three months. Everyone must pass. And almost everyone from multiple disciplines must be checked for competency. When an actual code is called, in walk a(n) half to a dozen persons from nursing and medicine to lend assist. They bring the glucometer, oxygen tanks, paper and pen, the electronic blood pressure monitor with accompanying devices for checking hemodynamic stability, as well as assorted members of the peanut gallery. Oh let's not forget the police and the supervisors who have no business being there, but welcome the opportunity to leave their work stations to b*llsh*t with anyone who will listen to them as they shoot the breeze.