I begin having such a wonder, my, I am the age of 24 ! And yet, I am feeling perhaps I have done so little in comparison in regards to my colleagues..I do not mean in such a career manner, but perhaps, my mental happiness..
I am told to believe, you do take this medication. And you are happy! It is drilled into my head, from the man in the white robe,, he says quite often...do not forget to eat this..
And I say, doctor, I am unhappy ! Perhaps your pill, it does not work. Is it so ? I cannot sleep from such depression, doctor I have slept not, for two nights now !
Doctor, he says, "ahh... donc .. tu as besoin d'un somnifÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¨re" yes.. problem solved if I take the sleep pill.. you do pump such medication into my body, and do know, it does not work. It is shameful. But it is job of yours, so you care not perhaps ?
This morning, I went to the La BoÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â®te ÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â CafÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â©, and I sit alone and sipped on my very bitter cafÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â© au lait as I dare add sugars. And at a sudden, I see an American tourist walk in , and he demands to the barista, a cafÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â© con leche. And the barista, he says "we do not serve this I am sorry.."
And the tourist, he become so angry, and rather begins to shout.. And I sit, I do not speak at, as I am not so phased... but I watch, this unusual action.. and realize, as I am riddled with depression, perhaps it is better to have such than anger !
I unknowing stared at the tourist, and he did realize. He said at me, "hello, what are you looking at ?" I do not respond, and then, he ask, "do you have problem?" I did not respond once more,as I did not find the words.. and he said at me, "you are a stupid French and you stare !" And then he ignore me, and at the barista said, "Why you cannot take simple request, it is because I am American ? So much for this vacation"
I am always so surprise when such come to France,and behave as a wild boar, you cannot act civil .. I believe, treat a foreign country as you mother's home, this man, he did not bother even attempt to speak a word of French.. But I, as a "stupid French", would attempt such English in an English speak country.. Is so difficult to try, and if not, be polite ? I wonder it...
After drinking the coffee,I walked around the parc de la TÃƒÆ’Ã‚Âªte d'Or, the garden, it always soothes such a mind like mine. I adore the flowers, as it is so bright, and the smell is grand, and it is quiet.
I see a child,and he stroked at a flower, and turn to the man beside him. "Papa, papa, je veux cueillir les fleurs," I want to pick the flowers, he said,
The man, suddenly grabbed by the arm the boy, and said, "You do not touch the flower", and the boy cried out, as I imagine that he had such pains in his arm. It is true, you do not take the flowers,but poorly this man handled the situation..
And this moment, it makes me think, if I am able to have such children I imagine I become so much nicer than that man..and perhaps, not so rough, as my father was also abusive. But with my issues,as I have such difficulty finding interest in such mating (I am told by so many, perhaps you are asexual !) I cannot foresee children in the future,it is unfortunate, but I still have hope for it. My fiancee, she is from Cape Town, and has such beautiful dark skin, and I am so pale, I believe our baby would have such beautiful skin color and eyes, and hair !
I left the garden, and return to my sweet home, as my feet ached so much from such long walk. My cat come to me, and the meow, it sounds so weak! And now I believe, I must leave to take her to be checked as I have such a suspicion, respiratory infecction perhaps.. As she does sound ill, and at recent I got a new kitten for her company,perhaps she is sick from it, but it is well itself. I am sad to see my cat feel so ill,as she is like a child for me. In brief, I find my cat as a kitten, on the road, wedge between dead siblings in a box, perhaps only her and one other kitten still living, which I find a home for. I dislike such people that abandon babies on the road, it is so depressing. A cruel world, but not such is surprising for Lyon,as so many homes do not permit such pets..you would think many cat owner would have their cats fixed, but not !
Now I attempt to rest, as I have little sleep as of late.... Today, it was unusual, but not so unpleasant, and tomorrow I take my cat for a check.. as I am so paranoid.
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