I'll never win..

There is just so much wrong going on in my life..that my thoughts, feelings, and emotions are everywhere. I've noticed myself trying to revert back to old ways..I can not can NOT let that happen. But for some reason I feel like I'll never win this battle. I've fought 12 years with this beast. I don't want to fight any more. Can't you see that I'm tired of fighting with myself in a loosing battle? I don't feel beautiful..or pretty..I just don't. I'm a good person, or atleast I try to be..but it never seems to work. I'm just ugly inside..I ate too much today..
breakfast: bagel w/cream cheese
lunch: pinapples & grapes
dinner: hummus & feta cheese on a ciabatta bread w/ pickles & carrots and a protein shake..
i think i'm going to go work out in the gym.