ZOMBIE attack!!!

These turn out to be ordinary Mexican drug cartel thugs, commonly mistaken for zombies.

Thinking that the crisis is over, I return downtown, only to see what appears to be a multitude of zombies creeping out of an office tower belonging to a major bank! Should we kill them, or give them trillions of taxpayer dollars?

 

just calmly explain to the the zombies that had they decided to desecrate everybody the financial market will take a downturn due to a lack of interest capital gain as well as any liquidity the economy would like to see at any given point. They would likely miss out on their bonuses due to larger borrowing, the government would probably intervene and as a result less would be offered in terms of public services- as well as the trading market inland and overseas. As a result of obvious inflation also, both customers and employees alike would suffer steep cuts within their occupation, and a steep rise in terms of living expenses. They would most probably at this point either had decided due to the consequence of dire fiscal predeterminations that they will become vegetarian

or instead eat one of the banks stakeholders.



"Uhh..... oh shit."

 

Scrambling away from the Mexican thugs I shimmy back up the side of the building from which I started this adventure. I find my hunting rifle and manage to clear the jam. I chamber a fresh round and peer over the side of the building to the street below. Looking down I see The Imaginary Being and NotDeadYet below. I then realize, much to my relief, that the creature I beheaded before was not The Imaginary Being but only his doppleganger sent from Hell.

Sitting up there on the rooftop I can hear their conversation. After listening for a few moments I level my rifle and take careful aim and place a round right between NotDeadYet's eyes. The gore and brain matter sprays The Imaginary Being who steps back in surprise. Quickly I chamber a fresh round and place a shot through the back of his head and he drops to the street a corpse.

I just fucking hate it when people think every situation or conversation is an invitation to rant and soapbox mindlessly on and on about their political views. That is more annoying than any zombie attack could ever be.

I now turn my attention back to the zombies milling about the street and how to best dispatch them. I begin to wonder what ever happened to Boogabaah who got us into this mess in the first place, Boogahbaah, you out there or have you become zombie food?

The mindless banker zombies have seen me and I try to get as many head shots as possible before they can overtake my position, which there are rapidly doing.
Boy, I sure could use some help right about now.......

 

i'm alive! i've been hiding on the 5th floor of this abandoned hotel, throwing things down on zombies as they come...

look out! here comes a zombie with no bottom jaw!!

 

Boogabaah! Thank God your alive.
I see her through the window and rapidly make my way to the window and dive inside.
I then introduce the butt of my rifle to what used to be the zombies jaw. It's head goes flying off and bounces around the room. Suddenly an ax blade smashes through the door
and boogabaah screams in terror. As the door is smashed in, a face appears poking through the hole.

IT'S THE ZOMBIE OF JACK NICHOLSON!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7JB68sLGY8"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7JB68sLGY8

Boogabaah slashes at his zombie hand as he tries to open the door........

 

Skip enters the scene obviously upset and distraught over the senseless killing and bloodshed. He takes it upon himself to try and reason with the undead and hopefully bring an end to the carnage.
As he walks up the street, in tie dye and beads, he gets within arms length of THE CHENEY who survived the earlier blast. We all watch with bated breath to see what happens next........

 

ZOMBIE. APOCALYPSE.

don't listen to a word Skip says, he's one of them...

 

Spicey Cat's trance finally breaks! She's tripping face, but can see what's happening. Holy fuck! Zombie Apocalypse. She knew this day would come! She sees Boogabah from across the apartment hall. "i didn't know we were neighbors - i would have dosed you for your headaches long ago! Quick girlfriend move the fuck outta the way!" she screams as she throws (food grade!) lye into the face of the Jack Nicholson zombie.

Nicholson zombie screams and laughs insanely as Boogabah boogies around him and into the hallway. Spicey cat hands her a 9mm as she hefts a 12-gauge for herself. The Nicholson zombie is still flailing so Boogabah lets him have it through the jelly of what would have been his left eye. Zombie down and smoking. "No time to extract the pineal!" Spicey squeals dementedly as she pops an MAOI and lights a J! Boogabah gives her a Whafu . . .? kind of look and she gives her a full-bore insane, mydriasis stare, saying, "Hey! If you can't beat them, join them! We will eventually anyway!"

They exit the building and there's PB_Smith! with the Cheney zombie on his ass!

 

PB, in his haste, loses his footing on a plank of wood, left carelessly in the street... he expertly twists as he falls though, and decks The Cheney with a skull-shattering shot... "where's a warm bath and a wee dram when you need one?"... he thinks to himself... distracted for the moment by this prospect, and others and not realising that the skull-shattering shot was not enough to do the job, The Cheney takes a chunk outta PBs leg... i can't go on.... :sad:

 

I run up behind Skip, place him in a headlock and put him to sleep with a chloroform doused rag. then I drag him to an old meat locker in the building beside us and lock him inside. this is no time for pacifists and it's for his own good.

as I lean against the meat locker loading up my spare mag with hollow points, I hear a soft sweet voice down the hall pleading for help. chambering a round I walk into the darkness, closer to the voice. just in that moment a zombie jumps out and knocks my gun out of my hand! he tries to bite my neck immediately, and too close for any kind of decent strike, I knuckle his throat. he stumbles for a second and roars the most horrifying zombie sound imaginable, and knocks me to the ground.. with one hand around his throat I manage to keep his bloody gooey mouth away from my neck as I kick my gun toward the other hand. as I pull back the hammer the zombie stops for a second, as if thinking "oh shit," and I calmly place the barrel between his eyes and blast zombie brains all over the hallway.

getting up, I run toward the voice, which is now an urgent scream. I charge through the door and pop off three more rounds, dropping three zombies just as they are closing in on the huddled up female laying on the floor. I grab her hand to pull her up and our eyes lock. her dark hair flows down her shoulders making her look like some kind of goddess and I feel myself disoriented as she says quietly "you saved me," then softly kisses me.

I tell her we will have plenty of time for that later but first we need to get to safety. so I grab her by the hand and make my way out of the building in search of the rest of the group..

 

Apparently Skip's peace proposal was rejected by the undead minions from Castle Bushenstein, as evidenced by the fact that The Cheney is gnawing on my calf!!
So much for the campaign promises from the Obamanator!!!

I deliver a series a kicks to his already mashed skull with my free leg. Finally he loosens his bite on my leg and I am able to deliver a final killing blow to the Cheney.

To be certain, I set the putrifying remains on fire, then tend to my chewed upon limb. Luckily the wound is more superficial than anything, as he was weakened by the severe blows to the head delivered before he latched on. Still I must be on the alert for infection.

I suddenly hear a muffled screaming and pounding from a nearby meat packing house. I recognize the voice as that of Skip. I run, or rather hobble over to the warehouse and tell Skip it's OK I know he's in there. Thinking that he will refuse to fight and hurt another, even a zombie, I decide to leave him there for his own safety. I tell him and he begins to sound angry, then suddenly I hear a faint chanting coming from within and realize that Skip has focused his energy on meditation.

Looking up I see deviate and an unknown young woman exiting a building out onto the street. I begin to call to them, but just as I do I notice a duo of punker zombies with purple mohawks preparing to jump down on them from the window above.
Just as I call out a warning the duo leap down........

 

"God, we've got to help him!" Boogabah screams to Spicey as she begins pumping semi-automatic rounds into the punker zombies. She gets one in the brain just before it lands, spattering PB_Smith and smudging Spicey with brain matter. She missed the other one, hitting it's mohawk instead of its head.

Both Boogabah and Spicey take a bead on it simultaneously and turn its head into jello ambrosia, once again drenching PB_Smith in brain matter. Spicey takes a decent hit and Boogabah gets one single drop of blood on her shoe.

"i'm feeling much closer to baseline now," Spicey comments, "and i cannot help but notice that you appear to have a bite taken out of your calf PB!" as she raises her shotgun . . .

Meanwhile, an unGodly screech is heard from further down the street and coming at them is Christine O'Donnell zombie, wearing a witch hat and masturbating at the same time that she gurgles out, "Brraaaaiiiiinnnssss!"

 

Having been laying low for awhile and recovering from my gunshot wound I decide I must leave the building lest I be found. As I head out I see in front of me a female zombie with a witch hat that appears to be masturbating. I sneak up behind the zombie as its ear deafeningly screams " Brainnns" repeatedly making it oblivious to all slight noise behind her. I get close enough and shove the zombie hand up her vagina which leads me to a startled reaction as the zombie seems to be in pain and enjoying it too. The zombie turns to me and says "ooooo I like rug burn" as I continuously try to force the hand up the zombie vagina. We fall backwards and I gracefully spin against the side of the house as the zombie that I can now clearly see is a christine o donnell zombie falls to the ground. I find a lawnmower to the left of me start it up quickly and put it right over the face of the zombie splattering pieces in all directions.

I see spicey cat in the distance and make an attempt to rendez vu but in between us an armed plumber zombie comes running out of a house with buttcrack hanging out and all...

 

jumping over the now headless bodies of the punk zombies, I motion for the new member of the group, Myra, to follow me. upon getting closer to the group, I see Spicey_Cat raising her shotgun at PB. I scream out 'NO!!' and leap into her, knocking the 12 gauge out of the way just as she fires off a slug.

'Goddamn Spice!' I blurt out. 'there's a lab 30 blocks from here with an antidote for the zombie virus, let's assemble our crew and get over there.'

apparently Myra's father was a scientist and his team developed both the virus and it's cure for the government. things got out of hand real quick after her father and most of the virus supply disappeared one night. but only Myra knew the location of his secret lab.

Spicey began apologizing and wrapping PB's leg, and I pass them a spliff. we are all tired and unsure of what lies ahead in the darkness of the night. all of a sudden, GB pulls up in a diesel pickup truck with a grin on his face. 'look what I found guys! let's go!' he doesn't even have a chance to finish the sentence before the girls are jumping in the cab and PB and I jump in the bed.

looking in the toolbox, I find two more shotguns, a flame thrower, an AR-15 and a pirate flag. 'alright,' I say as I tie the flag to a stake and slide it into the side of the bed. 'let's go steal some fucking chemicals.'

just then GB screeches to a halt, slamming me into the back window of the cab. shaking it off I look up and see a wall of at least 30 zombies approaching us. still in the alleyway, we have nowhere to go but forward..

 

Seeing the only way to get out of here is through the wall of zombies I yell "Is everyone armed and ready?" Getting affirmatives from everyone in the truck I say "Here we go!"

I slam on the gas pedal causing screeching wheels which startle some of the lurching zombies. I full throttle right through the front line zombies but I notice the door windows on both the driver and passenger side of our truck are missing. I talk to the girls, Boogabah sitting in the middle "Youre going to have to cover me on driver side" Spicey sitting closest to the passenger door "Spicey defend your side." I see the silhoutte of pb smith taking a knee in the bed on the driver side unloading successful shots into some of the zombies. I get out of the alleyway but I momentarily stop to turn, 2 zombies hop onto the back of the bed, more quickly approaching and a couple are coming up quickly on the driver and passenger doors. I try to gas forward but a few zombies must have got caught under the car as its only slowly inching forward...

 

Startled awake from my much needed nap by the sound of screeching tires and roaring engine, I look out from a 2nd story window of the office building in which I used to work.
I see a pick-up truck come careening around the corner and plow through a group of the undead abominations. Suddenly the truck slows, even though I can hear the engine racing. Then fragments of zombie come spraying out from underneath and the truck suddenly lurches powerfully forward. It begins to slide into the sidewalk and coming upon a fire hydrant the truck flips wildly over and slams into the brick wall of the JC- Penney's store.
Deviant is thrown clear from the bed of the truck and slams into a collection of trash cans unconscious.
GB, Spicey and Boogabah slowly pull themselves from the wrecked cab of the truck, disoriented, and confused, but seemingly unharmed. As she gains her bearing's I hear Spicey scream, "PB! Oh my God!" As she dashes towards the rear of the truck I notice the smear of gore under the truck ending in a horrific splatter of what used to be PB_Smith sprayed against the brick wall. R.I.P. Mr. Smith

I call down to them, "Hey! Up Here, I have some medical supplies!". The girls start to head over as GB hoists Deviant to his feet and half drags him along to safety.

Attracted by the sound of the accident and the smell of fresh blood, a band of undead construction workers emerge from the work site two buildings down. Suddenly GB is peppered with nails as two of the construction worker zombies fire at him with nail guns.....

 

ugh, this thread has too much writing... lol

 

this thread was fucking amazing ahaha