Zero sperm

Discussion in 'Men's Issues' started by NakedInfluence, Jan 13, 2020.

  1. NakedInfluence

    NakedInfluence Member

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    Three years ago after some tests to find out why we weren't getting pregnant there was zero sperm found in my sample. My wife is now pregnant with a baby by donor sperm. I know I'll love this baby as if it was my own but it still hurts and I think it always will. It's gonna have my wife's hair, nose and chin or whatever mixed with some guy's eyes, lips and skin. I hate it. It won't represent our union because there's none of me in there.
    We plan to tell the kid everything rather than making it a shameful secret but I wonder what I'm gonna say when the kid grows up and asks me the hard questions. Was I disappointed? Absolutely crushed. Do I still want to have a baby of my own? Definitely. Will I love it more? Maybe - how do I answer that? Should I lie?
     
  2. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    Believe it or not, most people don't look like their parents and it's not who's blood is in this child, it's who's taken the bigger steps to love and protect and nourish this child. Are you going to man up and do the job, or won't you? It's really the only thing that matters here.
     
  3. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

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    don't be a fuckin douchebag....IT IS YOUR OWN!!…..as soon as you committed to the procedure you own that kid...….pointing out the biological aspect is lame and if I were your pal i'd smack you lovingly in the head and tell you to pull yourself together

    but hey that's me....I actually take other peoples feelings into account when I make a life altering decision that concerns their life
     
  4. NakedInfluence

    NakedInfluence Member

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    Taking other people's feelings into account. You mean like agreeing to do this despite my fears and the possibility that I'll resent both the kid and my wife forever. Yeah what a bastard I am.
     
  5. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

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    dude I have a feeling that if you told the wife or the doctor about the possibility that you'll resent both the kid and wife forever that just maybe they'd hold off.....
     
  6. Angelic one

    Angelic one Visitor

    Id not mention anything to the child unless absolutely medically necessary. You will be the father, don’t feel like you’re a 3rd wheel because you will bring the baby up and fall in love with him/her as they grow. I think it may help to speak to a councillor about it.
    Does your wife know how you feel?
     
  7. Micheal9

    Micheal9 Members

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    I dated a woman who had a child prior. I loved and cared for that child like it was mine.

    I agree with the others on this, it doesn’t matter who’s blood it has, and the kid won’t care either. As long as it’s raised in a lovey, caring and safe environment.
    Kids that have been adopted what nothing or little to do with their birth parents since they didn’t raise them to be the person they are today.
     
  8. NakedInfluence

    NakedInfluence Member

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    My wife knows how I feel and said she doesn't believe that I could possibly hate her - probably because I'm such a fucking nice guy. I've talked to a counselor who said the same things you are all saying but it doesn't stop the hurt or the fear. She said that biological fathers who have no involvement in the kids life are essentially nothing more than sperm donors. I will of course "man up and do the job" but not sure if I'll carry around resentment for the rest of my life and if some day a miracle can happen so that sperm can be found or produced I'd want to have another kid and I'm not sure how I'd explain that to the others without hurting them.
     
  9. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    "you're going to have a baby brother or sister!"
     
  10. Micheal9

    Micheal9 Members

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    Let me ask you something. How much do you love your wife? Be honest! Would you say you love her to death? would you do anything for her? Would you protect her from harm? Make sure she’s fed and clothed with a roof over her head? I could go on and on. The point is your wife doesn’t have your blood in her, so there’s a good possibility that you can love YOUR kid the same way. That’s right it’s your kid you both agreed to having a kid no matter how that kid comes into your life.
     
  11. Varmint

    Varmint Member

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    During my first marriage, we found out I was absolutely sterile. Not a single sperm cell to count. I was delighted. Doc assured me that I could easily test positive and normal next week. Never tried to go back after that, though. She hated that. Never mind that when we married she assured me she didn't want kids. Now she was blaming all her problems on the fact that we couldn't have any. We later divorced for other reasons.

    Some years later, my new girlfriend crawled into bed with me and, in her most seductive voice, told me "Honey, the rabbit died." Reality turned to liquid $h!t. I've never felt such raw terror in my life, and I wasn't sure that I wouldn't bolt, but by the time the baby was born, I couldn't bear the thought of her shouldering this responsibility herself, and also couldn't bear the thought of him growing up without a dad. His first words? "Dad-Dad-Dad!!". I was hopelessly hooked. I still don't know if he's my biological son or not, but I'm definitely his father, and he has told me that he wouldn't want any other.

    You can do this. You only need to choose to do so. My son will turn 32 next month and he's still my pal, even though his mom and I are divorced. He's the one absolute positive and unselfish thing I've ever done, and I don't regret it one bit.
     
  12. Breastfan

    Breastfan Members

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    Don't know you or speak from any real experience other than dating women that already had kids. I even keep in close contact with one and would do anything for even though I don't date her mother anymore, of course with the mothers permission.
    The thing you have going for you is you'll be going through the pregnancy with her, I'm sure your going to form a bond with the child before he/she is even born.
    Let it go and enjoy life, I know that can easier said than done for some though.
    Good Luck...…..
     
  13. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Congratulations on your impending fatherhood.

    The one thing that I'm thinking is that where the sperm came from is the business of very few people. Fewer than you think. That really isn't the business of your or her parents. You can tell them if you want to, but it really isn't their business. The kid's doctors, yes. The kid, yes, when they are old enough. The schools, no. The church, no.

    Just remember that people who comment that the kid doesn't look like you, those folks don't have any good in mind. (Hint, "the kid takes after mom, isn't as ugly as I was at that age")
     
  14. It's totally normal to be upset about such things but you agreed to take care of it. Do what you need to do. You're a better man than me because I won't raise another mans child. If I was sterile and I couldn't have a child I would only be with a woman who didn't want any children in the first place.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2020
  15. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Lolz. No you wouldnt
     
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  16. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    Well, he was already with this lady. I don't think it's as easy as you are making it out to be.
     
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  17. Varmint

    Varmint Member

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    I tend to agree.

    After my first divorce, realizing I was clinically sterile, I went crazy banging everything in sight. Even had some coming over while another was leaving. Some came over scratching my bedroom window screen to wake me up, telling me "Bang me you crazy bastard and I'll go home!" It was crazy. My former wife had informed me that "Nobody will ever love you like I did!", to which I replied: "I sure as heck hope not!" A female friend told me she'd noticed the fact that I didn't seem to have a "type" at all. That is, she saw me with tall and short, skinny and rotund, way older and some younger than me. She was pretty close to spot-on. I do have a type, but they seldom want anything to do with me, preferring to find some effeminate-looking kid who later either treats them like a piece of property, a punching bag, or leaves them for another man (yes, it happened). At that time, my only limit was she had to be no more than 2 years my junior, as I couldn't stand the way the younger ones acted with few exceptions. Older ladies already knew what they wanted and weren't shy about pursuing it. I had fun. I hope they did. And yes...I was somewhat of a male whore back then. This was during the 80's. As I mentioned elsewhere, a gal crawled into bed with me and informed me that "The rabbit died" and all that came to an end in an instant. I figured that anyone who'd chase me for 7 years certainly deserved to have me. <sigh>.

    Would I do all that now? Nah....not even if I was still slim, trim, and handsome. I think that last wife cured me or something. I haven't been interested in any relationships in 13 years, and can't even think of any reason to waste my time or energy on one, but that is also subject to change. One never knows what a day will bring forth.
     
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  18. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Might have bought all that if it wasnt for the slim, trim, handsome line

    If a certain type of lady is looking for stamina first, a guy being able to last for hours rather than minutes....well then, she is going to put that quality first....ahead of slim (to a degree), trim, handsome
     
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  19. Varmint

    Varmint Member

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    Baaahahaa!!! I love yer wit, man, but yeah, I WAS slim trim and handsome, according to the ladies back then when I weighed 170. Now I'm 245 and look ready to deliver. And some waitress at the diner I go to told me she thought I looked like Johnny Cash. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult, but I assure you I've heard worse.
     
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  20. Sorry buddy but you're incorrect. I know what I want and what I would do.
     

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