Your daily joke thread!

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What’s the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?
Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts?
He doesn’t want to be spotted.

I passed by a building made entirely of keilbasa.
Never sausage a place before.

 

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1. Why did the cats ask for a drum set? They wanted to make some mewsic!

2. What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order.

3. How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.

4. What normally happens when kitties go on a first date? They hiss.

5. What’s a cat’s favorite cereal? Mice crispies.

6. What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.

7. What does the cat say after making a joke? “Just kitten!”

8. When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call? A tabby.

9. Why did the cat have to go to an accountant? They got caught up in a purramid scheme.

10. What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.

 

Where do felines go on vacation? Catalina!

How do they get to Catalina? By catamaran!

What do you call a dazed pussy? Catatonic!

 

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My
girlfriend once caught me masturbating to an optical illusion.

I told her “it’s not what it looks like”.

I have a joke about capitalism

And I’ll tell it to you for $5.99.

Found my old copy of Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic

It has not aged well.