Your daily joke thread!

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by ~Zen~, Mar 8, 2022.

  1. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    What does D.N.A. stand for?

    National Dyslexic Association

    Two slices of bread got married.

    The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

    Remember, you matter!

    …unless you’re multiplied by the speed of light squared, then you energy!

    I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen…

    I can feel it.
     
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  2. hotwater

    hotwater Senior Member Lifetime Supporter

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  3. Piobaire

    Piobaire Village Idiot

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    "IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE!?"
    "I'm a doctor."
    "What's your specialty?"
    "Mathematics."
    "MY FRIEND IS DYING!"
    "Minus one."
     
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  4. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    Some say that the English language is hard to learn.

    But you can do it through tough, thorough thought though.

    I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

    I just need to dot the A’s and cross the O’s.
     
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  6. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  7. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  8. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  9. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  10. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    I think
    the reason that schools are so dangerous is because of the name “School” -

    If we renamed all education centers as “Uterus” then Republicans might actually care about what’s inside them.

    Want to sexually frustrate an IT worker?

    Have you tried turning them off, then on again?

    To those who don’t understand cloning…

    That makes two of us.
     
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  11. newo

    newo Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.

    What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? HDMI.

    What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.

    Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their buttquacks.

    What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

    What’s the difference between a car and a fish? You can tune a car but you can’t tuna fish.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
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  12. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    My son looked up from his homework

    and asked me, “Dad, what’s an acorn?” I smiled and explained…
    “Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree!”

    TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King,


    JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…
    Apparently old hobbits die hard.

    What motivates a grammar nazi?


    Word domination.
     
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  14. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    What's a metaphor?

    Cow grazing.

    Last night I slept like a baby.

    Yeah, I woke up every three hours crying hysterically.
     
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  15. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  16. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  17. Jimbee68

    Jimbee68 Member

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    Father, what is the difference between fornication and adultery?

    Gee, I don't know son. Because I've had both, and I sure can't tell the difference.
     
  18. newo

    newo Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

    Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn't understand her request, so he says, "Come again." Monica responds, "No, this time it's mustard."

    Q: Who is the poorest guy in the south?
    A: The Tooth Fairy.

    Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty."

    Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
    Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
    Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2022
  19. DrRainbow

    DrRainbow Ambassador of Love

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  20. hotwater

    hotwater Senior Member Lifetime Supporter

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    So now what do I do?

    [​IMG]
     
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