Your daily joke thread!

St. Patrick's Day is over now. But you know, when I ended up in a very conservative RC high school, they said Catholics also celebrate St. Joseph's Day, March 19th. But that is more of a Polish and Irish tradition they said.

I wonder what Catholics do on St. Joseph's Day. Probably get drunk too. Sounds like a plan to me!

 

How does "It's totally f*cked" translate to Latin?

The Latin verb futuere is a good translation for the English verb "f*ck" in the sense of sexual intercourse. The past participle fututus means "f*cked" in this sense. As often in Latin, this can be intensified with a prefix. The adjective defututus can well be translated as "totally f*cked", although many dictionaries give much softer translations like "exhausted by sensuality" in Lewis and Short.

If you do not want to specify what "it" is and you want to refer to sexual intercourse, then defututum est is a good translation for "it's [been] totally f*cked". The English verb can be used in a number of different meanings, but I assumed the literal one. If you meant something else, please edit your question to clarify what the message you want to convey is.

Stack Exchange, February 2020.

 

Man, we are all so defututus!

 

Why do liberals always try to put their beliefs into every conversation? Because they have a one track mind.

 

Birds, Turtles, Crabs. by Jimbee68 posted Mar 24, 2025 at 3:51 PM

 

"why do liberals always try to put their beliefs into every conversation"? Because they have a one track mind"! Oh man--that is hilarious! Are you a stand up comedian? If not you should be!! Anyone that comes up with such an overwhelmingly funny joke should get paid for their monstrous intellect!! Keep up the good work on your comedic journey!! We'll all be watching for your next posts!

 

Heard on cop show: "went to the coffee shop today and just because I'm a cop, nobody would speak to me. They wouldn't even look at me. One woman even got up and left" Says another cop: "your penis is hanging out"! 1st cop: 'Oh. Well, that's a relief."

 

We don't salt driveways.
We salt margaritas.

 

Someone recently asked online:

You Can Have A Conversation With Anyone Of These For 3 Hours

Who will you choose?

Einstein
Hawking
Edison
Tesla
Curie
Newton
Feynman
Leonardo
Bohr

Me: Well. If I had my choice of having a conversation with any famous person living or dead, I'd choose the live one. Because the alternative would be just plain gross.

And three hours? Where would we be having this conversation for three hours? My house? Do you know what my living room would smell like after that?

 

If someone replaces a swear word with a harmless one and thinks it still means the same thing, there's something wrong with their Funk & Wagnalls.

 

“I'm a racist, too. For a long time I didn't like being around white people. But once I realized that imperialism, slavery and genocide weren't exclusively white institutions, it helped me loosen up a bit.”

Richard Cummings, Jr. (as Bernard Stevens),
Northern Exposure,
Crime and Punishment (Aired Dec. 14, 1992).

 

Why do some people think that others remarks mean they're liberal?
Maybe it's because they're too lazy to use, or can't use, their own mind and just think what they're told to.

 

I'm shocked by vegans that still drink water. That's the fishes' home! How would you like it if someone burned your home down to the ground so you and your family would have no place to stay? Or even worse if they ate (ate!) your home?

For shame!

 

One time I was at the mall. And a man came up to me and said "have sex with my girl friend??" with his fists out, ready to hit me. I said sure. What does she look like?

 

I've may have recently noticed something weird, and maybe you other men. Probably the women too I'm guessing. I never seem to be the same age. I mean I'm not the same age I was last year, last month or last week. I'm not even the same age I was when started writing this.

It's all very weird like I said.

 

I started putting a penny in a pile everytime someone said something stupid online. The pile is in orbit now. And it's being crushed by its own gravity.

 

I shared this online in 2023...

Seeming Opposites That Are Actually Synonyms:

Canny/Uncanny
Flammable/Inflammable
Regardless/Irregardless
Famous/Infamous
Ravel/Unravel
Overwhelmed/Whelmed
I could care less/I couldn't care less
Its all uphill from here/Its all downhill from here

Homonyms That Are Opposites:

Seed (to remove a seed from)/Seed (to apply seeds to)
Sanction (approve)/Sanction (as a penalty against a foreign government)...

 

Q) What's the difference between an orange?
A) An Elephant because a vest has no sleeves.