Young and Married

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by southernbella, Feb 9, 2009.

  1. I am in a real dilemma. First of all I am 20 years old and have been married since i just turned 18. We dated through all of high school and have been inseperable. I have recently been going through some tough changes with myself... religion, and just finding myself pretty much. My views and opinions of many different things have been dramatically changing. My husband is ok with this, but I am worried about how different we are really starting to become. A LOT of things I now find acceptable or ok, he still really does not agree with. Not only all of this but also, we hardly ever have sex. I am just not turned on by him at all anymore... We have tried different things, he does not know this last statement but im sure he can tell. I am worried about what I know i need to do. I do love him and he is my best friend, but I am not happy in my marriage... Im sure what I need to do is obvious, but if someone could offer some insight on my problem I would be so thankful. I just feel like a terrible person for feeling like this, but i cant help it.... Help Pls :(
     
  2. JLynn0116

    JLynn0116 Visitor

    this is exactly why i'm so against people getting married young. you cant know yourself at that stage of your life.. the change that happens between 18 and 22 (personally) has been crazy for me. i dont feel the same about most things that i did when i was 18.
    my parents were married young and they're still together but its A LOT of hard work. i'm sorry i dont have advice for you besides maybe seek counseling and talk to your husband about the sex issues.
     
  3. Southernbella. I hail from The South and have seen your situation a hundred times. Almost got married at age 18 myself.

    First of all, don't feel terrible because chances are, at age 18, you were probably blinded to any other possibilities, i.e. waiting to be married years later.

    I know how it is in certain parts - NOT ALL - but certain parts of The South. Parents, friends and other things encourage marriage almost irrelevant of ages or circumstances. To squash any inner doubt, there's a lot of cutesy rhetoric added to the mix, such as other friends of the same ages getting married, bride-to-be's sharing stories of how many karats are in their rings and how they're going to Cancun or The Bahamas. Throw in some trendy country music with fake moral agenda and most importantly, approval from others and you're totally cocooned unknowingly.

    Now that all the festivities and encouragement is over, you want to explore other things within the confines of marriage. You don't want to do anything that threatens the marriage such as cheating, super spending or outrageous things that belong in college frat houses, but you are interested in different kinds of music, entertainment and independent thought.

    Your husband isn't digging it. He's wondering why Larry The Cable guy isn't as funny to you now as he was in 2004. He's wondering why you've popped in Jimi Hendrix instead of Toby Keith. And maybe, just maybe, he's accused you of being an unknowing disciple of a hidden elaborate worldwide liberal conspiracy.

    So here's what you can do. Get some marital counseling from a NEUTRAL PROFESSIONAL, not some pastor with agenda on his mind looking to keep a member to add to the plate every week. Then when you get the suggestions and assistance, work at it and work very hard. If you get any resistance from your spouse where it carries on longer than just initially, then it's time to pack it in.

    Another thing, make sure your caught up on your own fertility protection. You don't want to run a risk of an innocent bystander being brought into a currently questionable situation.

    As for the girl I almost married at age 18, she got married at 19 to some other guy. Now she's divorced, broke and looks like a tank. All because she'd been conditioned that early marriage is what right people do. Thank God I didn't fall for that tripe. I'm now a happily married man since age 30. Age 33 now, to be exact. Haven't been married all that much longer than you have. Haha. But, we both get along where we balance independent thought while maintaining strength as a committed couple.

    Whew! Only a few posts here and your thread got me to rant something fierce!

    Best wishes. CJ
     
  4. peace_n'_love

    peace_n'_love Member

    im madly in love and only age 18 and looking forward to geting married soon and i think that it depends on how your relationship is not on how old you are. i know that i have found my soulmate and i would love you to check up on us in 30 years and im sure we will be happier than ever togeather.... i wish you and your husband the best of luck and hope you work everything out
     

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