You might an atheist if... (Atheist, don't take this personally. It's more or a joke than anything, and I'll welcome your "You might be a Christian if..." parodies.) [some of these I made up, others, I copied) You refer to Christians as Xtians, Christmas as "Xmas", and insist on writing God with a lower case "g" while writing "atheists" with an upper case "A" You write off any intelligible and logical arguments for theism as clearly "coming from the Bible" even though the cosmological, ontological, teleological, and anthropological arguments (among many others) are nowhere found in the Bible. You think God not answering your prayers by healing your sicken grandmother when you were young, is "proof" enough that God doesn't exist. When you watch a punt returner run a 93 yard touchdown, you marvel at what evolution has done for the human race. But when someone gets cancer, you blame God for it. You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics. You think the average televangelist is the perfect example of what it means to be Christian. You think a 'courtesy' reading of the Bible is enough to understand and refute hundreds to thousands of years of doctrinal development. When the Pope says that God may have used evolution, he is an enlightened religious leader whom Christians should listen to. When the Pope preaches on the sanctity of human life from conception, and thus denounces abortion, he's just a senile religious bigot who should keep his opinions to himself. When a Christian points out the impossibility of a biological system (or feature) forming by pure chance you accuse them of invoking a "God of the gaps". YET, when you are asked how a particular feature could come about solely by chance you invoke "Evolution of the gaps" (i.e., we don't know HOW but we do know that Evolution MUST have done it!) You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.</FONT> You teach a belief only held by 28% of a nation, as truth beyond any shadow of a doubt because only educated people believe in evolution. Yet of course, you ignore that fully educated scientists in most other nations have proven against Darwinian theory. Like the Chinese paleontologist who reportedly says: "In China we can criticize Darwin but not the government. In America you can criticize the government but not Darwin." You always refer to C.S. Lewis as "that traitor." You desperately wish that Stalin and Mao hadn't been atheists. You think that the Spanish Inquisition killed millions (or at least hundreds of thousands), even though the population of all of Spain at the time of the Inquisition was only about five million, and the actual total killed numbers about 2000. When informed of this, you accuse the informer of belittling or being insensitive to the deaths of 2000 individuals. You think when the Bible mentions "slavery," it's the exact same slavery practiced by America some 2000+ years later. You think Christians are narrow-minded for believing in only one religion, but atheists are open-minded for believing in absolutely none. You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby. You think a Christian takes EVERTHING in the Bible literally. Even after being corrected, you still go around asking "Why do Christians take everything in the Bible literally?!" Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching 'bible contradictions' in Google. When you arrive at a Bible passage you don't understand, instead of trying to figure it out by applying proper hermeneutics, you use it as proof for God's non-existence...after all, if there were a God, surely He could have made the passage clearer. Despite the Bible being written by about 40 authors and spanning thousands of years, you insist on reading it as if it were written YESTERDAY, for YOU personally in your exact situation. Although you are a 'free-thinker' and 'rational' person, you lose all reason when reading The Bible. You think religious tolerance does not applies to Christians When refering to Christianity, you prefer to speak in vague 'sound bites' like "Christianity is a religion of lies" and "Christianity is a religion based off desire," rather than actually make any meaningful claims that are up for verification.