You Know You're Getting Older When...

You know you're getting old when you can engage in voyeurism with impunity.

 

...you can remember a time when there weren't any SUVs.

Nice era when those monsters weren't tailgating you and being driven by neurotic, speeding soccer moms, distracted by their cell phones, and risking their kids' lives to get to the next game on time.

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i remember when everyone who remembered when was older then i was and they all remembered things that no longer existed even before i was born. now they're gone and its my turn.

 

You know you're getting older when you can remember using a phone that had a real dial that you had to turn instead of pressing digits.

You can remember a time when nobody had cellphones.

You can remember a time when there was no Internet.

You look at the covers of FHM and Maxim and realize that those smoking hot cover girls weren't even in high school when you were their age.

That baby you used to play with and carry with one arm now has several tattoos, smokes herbal tobacco on his water pipe, and plays in a band.

 

...when none of your favorite movie theaters and restaurants exist any more.

 

You remember when a person would talk to himself while walking down the street instead of being on a cell phone. I think they called it Jive Talkin.

In the days before cell phones, some people would walk down the street and chant rhythmically together. That was the old school rap, before the high-profit cookie-cutter corporate demented gansta rap recordings were pushed relentlessly on the general public.

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Eating out becomes cheaper.

 

When you start watching what you eat, cutting back on the booze, and worry about your cholesterol and blood sugar levels. Whereas before you just ate as much as you wanted, drank like the world was ending tomorrow, woke up with a hangover the next day only to go drinking again that night.

 

When you can remember a time when hitchhiking was common and people did it because they couldn't afford a car. That was the pre-wealth era before teens driving new BMWs and Lexus became common.

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I write lyrical references to things that I think everyone in the world has heard of and the younger folks in my band have no idea what I'm talking about and I realize they weren't born yet when certain movies/songs/events came about.

 

I had an epiphany that I was getting older but, not as old as my parents, I hurt myself pretty bad skateboarding and I had to take time off work, thats when I realized that Im getting too old to skate, its not worth hurting myself anymore...

 

you look at a text message and it's totally Greek to you.

PAX

 

You're already older than your dead parents.

 

You can remember a time in the U.S. when people actually talked about eliminating the national debt. Yes, there was actually hope at one time that the national debt could be eliminated.

If you're older, you can remember when the U.S. was actually a creditor nation.

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When you leave the bathroom with a piss spot about the size of a quarter by your fly. (hasn't happened yet--but it's coming,I'm sure.

 

You can remember when we had stores called "Five and Dimes" -- called that because at one time many of the items for sale cost a nickel or a dime.

 

...you can remember when flying was an adventure that people looked forward to.

 

And you can remember when they had old creaky wood floors.

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When you're old enough to remember watching shows with cool names that sounded way off in the future (like Radio 1990) and they now sound like ancient history to you.

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You audibly grunt or sigh when picking something up off the floor

 

Yep, you're definitely old