You know you're bi, but still get married.....

Being a (celibate) gay male, I'm curious as to why men, who KNOW they are bi, and have no intention of giving up their m/m relationships, marry.

Do they hope their wife will be tolerant and understanding of their bi side?

Do they intend to keep their wife "in the dark", so to speak, of their bisexual nature? (that is, if they do not already know, or, at least, have a hunch)

I am sure there are also those bi men who feel that being married and raising a family will eventually erase the desires to be with other males for intimate relations

From reading the posts of married bi men here, it would seem that some wives are tolerant, some are not crazy about the idea, but, more or less shrug it off, while others find it something they can barely tolerate, if at all.

If life in a straight world is difficult enough for a gay man, it must be even more confusing and difficult for a married bisexual male.

Your opinions?

 

My previous wife was also Bisexual, which worked to our mutual benefit. We would have continued if she didn't devolve into a drunkard (and a viciously mean one, at that).
My current mate was the only lover I ever wanted and the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...even if the price of admission was rigid monogamy; a pittance at the time. Now she's chronically ill and I'm no longer her lover, but her caregiver. "For better or for worse; in sickness or in health" was such a remote abstraction when we were young. Now it's not monogamy as much as enforced celibacy; and apparently a life sentence at that.

The hard(est) part of being a Bisexual male is how the Straight world regards me as a fucking faggot, and the Gay world regards me as some poseur or dilettante. Overgeneralities, to be sure; but none of the real acceptance or belongingness that only a tribe can provide is to be had. In that context, as a Bisexual male I am forever out in the cold.

 

I was completely above the board about my bisexuality to my wife, hoping honesty would be best policy. In my case, I was mistaken. I feel like if she were more open minded about sex, she'd have a shot at keeping me home, but after years of literally begging for certain things(strap on, occasional 3rd partner) and being refused, I'm swiftly losing my desire or sense of commitment to her.

She doesn't want me to have sex with anyone else, yet the sex I ask her for, she wont give me. I feel trapped. She wont separate or divorce, just emotionally shuts down and locks up. This is what I'm stuck with. So going forward, I will quietly go about my own business finding what I need. I'll just claim my own libido or headache issues if she asks for sex, or if I'm feeling charitable, give her some sex, but, at this point, it's just a service call. I love her, but there's just no sexual magic happening, or much sex at all. We're not on the same page, anymore.

 

Mine knows and is tolerant of me being bi, She now only has occassional sex with me, knows I have needs and doesn't say anything about many of the things she has seen me do

 

Fellows:

I greatly appreciate your honest views and opinions, and your sharing them here.

Yes, it IS obvious that being a bi married male is a "journey", if you will, that can often lead to unchartered territories, detours, and dead ends.

Steveh:

You are, my friend, one lucky man.

It should be that simple for other bi married males whose bisexuality, sadly, does not "add up" to a happy, fulfilling marriage; denying your needs and desires is clearly NOT the answer.

Piobaire:

So very sorry to hear of your troubles; I can imagine what you are now going through.

My mother (who passed away at age 99 over six years ago), was confined to her room for the past several years of her life; I was her caregiver, proud of being able to give her the love and care she needed, but sad and frustrated that he could not do more for her.

Believe me, I KNOW all too well the painful sting of "faggot", "queer", etc.; it's demeaning, cruel, and unfair.

So sad that, in this "enlightened" age, bigots STILL find the need to "label" others, and to pour salt into often raw wounds

Icanlikeboth:

You can only do what you HAVE to do, in honor to not deny WHAT and WHO you are.

Again, thank you for sharing your opinions, views, and personal experiences here.....

 

Tell me about it. My own gay sister is not very supportive for me where, I certainly was supportive for her when she came out to me. So even within LG(b)TQ+ we bi are marginalized.

 

thepapasmurph:

As expected, you've share more "food for thought", as well as honest, valuable views and opinions.

You are so very correct, my friend; "real life" all too often plays out so differently than the life we THOUGHT we had before us, with no unmarked detours along the path of life.

As I have said before, being a celibate gay man in a straight world is confusing, daunting, and painful enough; I cannot even begin to fathom what a married bisexual male must endure, with wives and families involved.

And, of course, along the way, I know that many bi married guys often forge deep emotional bonds with the men they have a relationship with, sex-wise.

Being a bi married male HAS to require a tremendous amount of courage, strength, and determination, for certain.......

 

That has got to be one of the greatest mysteries of ALL time!

Seriously, I cannot figure this one out myself.

What I ALWAYS detested (and STILL do) is when you hear a straight refer to a bi guy as a "half fag".

If ignorance was gold, then much of the straight community would be multi-billionaires.....

 

I once heard that many people "greatly fear what they do not (or cannot) understand".

Could this be part of the reason why so many straights despise gays and bisexuals?

I've long wondered about this.......

 

I could NOT agree more.

The late George Adamson, "The Father of Lions" ("Born Free"), once commented thusly:

"Man is the most destructive creature on the planet."

Recall, also, "Cornelius" reading from the Sacred Scolls, near the end of "Planet Of The Apes":

"....beware the beat Man, for he is the devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport, or lust, or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to pocess his brother's land....."

So hauntingly true........

 

I think a lot of guys really like the idea of having kids and a family, regardless of their sexuality. They value that over everything else.

"Having it all" rarely happens, so yeah being an open bisexual who's also married with children may not be a path open to many. So you go with your gut and do the other thing, even tho you know there's going to be at least some grief (maybe a lot!) later on.

 

Well said.

I think that, when it comes right down to it (regarding a bi married male) is how the wife reacts to her husband's bisexuality.

Is she supportive?

Could care less?

Strongly against?

These are the factors that, from what i have learned here, at the very core of the issue.

And, on the "flip side", it cannot be a positive issue when a bi married man is denied his natural urges, possibly setting him up for therapy sessions, which, in all honesty, can often do more harm than good.

So much maturity and honesty is needed in a marriage where the husband is bisexual.

It cannot be easy, it goes without saying, in so many cases........

 

Jusat to add a little "lightheartedness" to this serious topic:

If a bisexual married man's marriage were a flavor of ice cream, it would most CERTAINLY be "Rocky Road"; for the majority of bi married men, I am sure that the situation cannot be an easy one, by ANY means........

 

I've often heard that bisexuality was, indeed, the "best of both worlds".

For bi men, I am sure that this is true, however, experiencing "the best of both" when marriage and family are concerned, indeed complicates matters greatly.......

 

There is lots of "criticism" from within the LGBTQ community when it comes to bisexuals (especially bisexual men), even though we make up a HUGE part of that community.
To have gay men (and I have) tell me "I'm just confused", "I must be gay" or that "I just haven't found the right guy" yet is seriously annoying.
I've also faced some criticism from my own wife, who's made comments at times that she thinks I'm "more gay than straight." Ironically, she's also bisexual, and I know she's had more relationships and sex with women than she has with men. I would never accuse her of "being a lesbian."

 

Papa: When I was still working in New York I'd hear bi guys jokingly referred to as "half fags"; though yours truly is gay-as you know-I found this insulting and tasteless; you brought up good points-and-sadly-all too true; ignorance-sadly-is always in great supply------------