You Know You're A Fictional Tv/movie Character When...

1. Someone shoots at you until he runs out of bullets, then he throws his gun away.

2. You follow a loved one to an airport, shout "I LOVE YOU", then he/she will not get on the plane.

3. A new guy/girl starts at your work place, you will get on each others nerves, you will be at each others throats, but he/she will become your girl/boy friend.

4. You go to a crowded bar any one will do, just go over to a random guy, any guy, punch him in the face, then everyone in the bar will start puching each other also.

5. You are a high ranking cop, still not cracked the case, simple, find a cop who never plays by the rules, suspend him, tell him to hand in his badge, he'll solve the case on his own.

6. You got to a wedding, half way through the vows, you shout "don't marry him", the bride will then run off with you.

 

Also, everyone gets your jokes.

Every bar band sounds professional.

Every bar has at least one hot girl who is available and has a good personality.

You can drive through red lights without hitting anyone.

You meet all deadlines, but with no time to spare.

Recovering from a severe beating only takes until the start of the next scene.

You can always shoot straighter than the bad guys, without aiming.

Random people you encounter are nearly always intelligent and interesting.

Nobody ever has an STD.

 

Everyone around you has perfect teeth

Despite 70 mph winds, not a hair gone astray

Only Europeans smoke (continental Europeans that is, Brits never light up)

You can ride a horse all day and never need the toilet

 

you can walk into a bar or shop and ask for "a beer" or "a pack of smokes" without people asking you "which one, dickhead?"

 

Same is true after a night of hot sex.

 

Poor people live in fantastic apartments or houses.

 

You can kick Chuck Norris's ass....

 

When you try to infiltrate a building or organization by dressing or posing as a low level staff member and aren’t immediately exposed as a fraud



Hotwater

 

when you walk through a door and 50 people go "wooooooo!!!!!"

 

Actually.... If it was a glass door and you didn't open it first, that could happen.

 

When there's actually a helicopter waiting for you when you yell 'get to the choppa!!' in the streets. (i try this daily, just to be sure)

 

You can save a drowning person and come out of the water with your make up still perfectly applied.

 

When you apply chest compression's to a drowning victim with enough force to damage their sternum or crack a few ribs and they casually walk away unhurt and unscathed





Hotwater

 

when youre being chased by the cops and all your skid marks are coming out in triplicate due to earlier practice runs

 

When a hospital patient flat-lines (i.e. dies, kicks the bucket, pushing up daisies) and is magically revived by the doctor



Hotwater

 

When you don't have to worry about any collateral damage you're causing when you're in an intense car chase.

 

and leaves the hospital minutes later....

 

everyone works in an office and owns the company.
even housewives on their husband's military pension who run detective agencies on the side.
and pay someone else to pick up after them
who doesn't speak a different language then themselves
no one is a refugee from anywhere
powerful nations treat less developed ones with consideration and fairness
bullying is always punished rather then rewarded with political carreers and called leadership.
no one gets rich by being nasty and everyone rich is nice
and no one poor uses poverty as an excuse for being annoying and unpleasant either.
of course, no one is poor either.
everyone has a job, drives a car, on which they pay someone else to maintain, and can afford this, and to go to movies,
and has house, with considerate neighbors who are seen and not heard

gee, sounds just like what people who call themselves conservative call american values, or want people to think that's what they mean.

 

when your car only upshifts during chases....even in reverse

 

The murder conviction rate in your police department is 99%


Note; Recent nationwide FBI figures put it at 64% with 200,000 unsolved murders in the USA since 1965.



Hotwater