I'm sure this forum gets people complaining about being confused all the time, but I hope you guys don't mind having another one, because I'd really like to get this all figured out some day. I am very confused. I'm almost 20, and I've only ever dated and had sex with guys. In high school, I was briefly confused about my sexuality, but figured it must have been a phase, because I eventually got into a two-year relationship with a guy. I have kissed/sort of made out with girls before (friends, drunk, party, etc.), but never really felt anything; I wasn't thinking of it that way. Now I'm in my second year of college, and all those thoughts are coming back again. I've never really had the interest in the possibility of being in a relationship with a woman until now, but since before I can remember, I've always thought women were gorgeous/beautiful/sexy, and I've never been afraid to express that. And posssible TMI, I do get off to thoughts/images/stories of women having sex, but also to men, and women/men. In that sense, it doesn't matter who's having sex, it's hot (which I'm sure is normal). When I was young and didn't understand what masturbation was at all, just that it felt good, I masturbated with a friend in her bed with her. Do kids even normally do that? =/ It's thoughts like these that confuse me so much. And that although my two best friends are both queer, and I have that support system there, I'm kind of afraid to figure this all out, like I'm keeping myself in this het/cis bubble, and I'm afraid to leave it. Like I can accept others without a problem, but when it comes to accepting a part of me that may not fall into that bubble, it's hard.
I think you are completely 110% normal. I personally hold a belief that you fall in love with who you fall in love with, regardless of gender, and you are attracted to who you are attracted to. The wonderful thing about life and being an adult is labels only mean something when you make them mean something. You don't have to label what you are or your preferences, you're just a person, with a sex drive. You're young, experiment, have fun, be safe. You're only young once and we are so blessed to be young adults in a world that is more accepting of difference by the minute. Don't let your desires confuse you, just roll with them. When you stop worrying about what the world wants to label you as or thinks of you and your feelings and just focus on you...well, I can say since I stopped caring what the rest of the world wanted for me and just started living for the moment, in the moment, I have found a wonderful comfort in my own skin. You don't have to be a lesbian or bisexual or straight, just be you!
Ramona, you're so right Thank you. I really don't need to concern myself with labels. It doesn't matter who I love.
