Yesterday's Moment of Shame

So yesterday was the queerfest I've been ranting over for a while now. As it turned out, it was rather depressing. It's not really the sort of thing a single young queer should go to for an afternoon of frolicking, because NOBODY ELSE IS SINGLE. I think I was one of the only single people there. Terrible.

Anyway, on top of this, two things happened:
1. I got death threats by text message from a number I don't even recognise. What the fuck indeed.
2. I saw this REALLY REALLY beautiful pixie-haircutted chick from one of my English lectures last year. It was a bit of a crush-from-afar deal, and I was never confident enough to talk to her, because I assumed she must be heterosexual. So here she is at queers-in-the-park. I thought "what the hell! I'll go talk to her!" I wasn't expecting anything out of it, honestly. If anything, I was expecting to ask about English, following which the conversation would fall on its face, and I'd take a hasty departure. However, I get over there, and she's verbose as hell! It was all going really, really well, until I found out her boyfriend's in India over the summer. Well, shit.

Voilà my moment of shame! Anyone else done this before?

 

Oh no! That sucks! I was totally hoping you'd come back with stories about crazy sex in the back of the queerbus! Stupid people with girlfriends!

The death threats were probably just a wrong number.

What was pixie cut doing at a queerfest? I know, tons of straight people go, but it's more fun to pretend that she was exploring a different side while her boyfriend's in India and right now she's posting to some other site, "I KNEW that hot girl in my English class was gay! Why didn't she just jump me? DAMMIT!"

Anyway...I'm really sorry it wasn't as awesome as we were all hoping it would be.

 

Haha, you're right! That is a consoling thought. Or perhaps she found me so unbelievably seductive that she doesn't even remember she has a boyfriend anymore.

 

lol... never know, maybe she's totally bi and just wants someone to show her the ropes. never know until you ask!

 

PART TWO:

Last night I went with a gay male friend to THE gay bar of the city, and who should be there again, but HOT CHICK FROM ENGLISH CLASS. The bar was having an "off night" (just my luck )--on a Saturday, and was full of really old queers trying to pick up the few young queers who were there. We stayed on until 12-ish, and it still hadn't picked up, so we went home again. Anyway, while we were waiting for people to turn up, we sat and talked to pixiechick. She was, again, really, really nice. We'd go dance, then talk to her intermittently. Then, out of the blue, at the end of the night, she hands my friend a piece of paper with her name, number, and "let's go dancing" written on it. She even knew he was gay! Meanwhile, I'm standing to one side, trying to occupy myself. Awwwkwardddd.

So I went to a gay bar. And my gay male friend walked away with a phone number. And the number was from a straight girl. The straight girl I spent half a year lusting after in English.

La vie est cruelle.

 

maybe she's too timid to ask you out/show interest. if she knows (obviously) that your male friend is gay, maybe she's hoping he'll also invite you, so that she can be around you again. sounds like she's interested in expanding her horizons (experimenting perhaps) since you keep seeing her at gay spots... ask her out. you never know which "straight" women are ready for a not so straight partner!

 

Haha, I've meddled in straight before, and I found it's REALLY risky. Especially as she's in a relationship with Boyfriend in India. Perhaps we will go out dancing with her, then make a judgment based on that. I actually don't mind too much, but I think this is an especially opportune moment to use one of the world's most popular clichés: OH, THE IRONY!

 

i agree, it can be disappointing sometimes when you fall for a straight chick. but i don't really think anyone is completely and totally in all circumstances stuck in one box or another, straight or gay. i guess it all comes down to what you're looking for. if you're looking for a long term exclusive relationship, yeah... it's difficult to get a "straight" chick to "turn" that way. i'm usually looking for casual relationships, as i'm polyamorous, so i've been with many chicks who thought they were straight but who enjoyed having the occasional amorous tryst with another woman. so i guess it's all in what you want. good luck in everything!

 

Thanks!

 

Hey Bocks!

Of course it could just be that she's gay-friendly and thinks gay guys are fun to dance with. Tough to say - that's a pretty weird way to make friends with a guy you aren't planning on sleeping with. It could definitely also be that she likes you but she's confused and/or really nervous about how to go about it.

Hopefully it's that last one...pixie cuts are so cute.

I can't believe no one's suggested the obvious test here, though: Offer her some water!

 

LOLOL! I feel so stupid! How could I forget?!

PIXIE CUTS ARE SO CUTE! You're absolutely right!

She gave him a wink! As in, the seductive wink. I want a seductive winkkkk!

Kidding. I'm not going to deny that I was conflicted and confused about the incident though.

Hope everyone's having a spectacular day!

 

Well, if he was a proper friend he would've said "HEY! I like dick, idiot! Point that wink at Bocks!"

And she has a boyfriend anyway, so it's doubly confusing that she's winking at him. What's the idea here - while the cat's away, the mouse hooks up with a guy who doesn't like vaginas? This girl confuses the hell out of me.

 

Hahah! MollyBoston, you crack me up!

I'm going to a LADYfest tomorrow night. It's actually even called Ladyfest. So the saga continues. Maybe I'll end up score some water there.

 

Ha...Ladyfest. That's a funny name. You live in some kind of tiny town, right? Pretty cool that you can still sometimes find cool events to go to.

 

I live in a tiny town next to a makeshift city, so there's a 40-minute drive involved, but that's manageable.

 

I've got a redeeming story!

I went to the Ladyfest show. It was really, really intriguing. A bit strange at first, but it picked up. The girl in front of me kept SORT OF flirting...at least, smiling (cutely and) suggestively, so at the end of it, I offered her water. Seriously though, I went over and talked to her, and she said I should go to a gig with her afterwards. I was with a friend, so we made our way over, and she was there. I got turned around at the door, because I didn't know there was an entry fee (the other things were free), so I sat on the steps for a half hour, before deciding I was going to get her number. Turns out she's traveling around the country, visiting from Germany, so she has no phone, but she gave me her email address, then looked me in the eye, chuckled, patted me on the arm and went back inside.

At this point, I rejoiced. I didn't care if it came to nothing! It was a thrill in itself. So the next day, I sit down to send her an email, and find she's emailed me first! So I answered, and she sent me a MONSTERBIGmail. It was awesome. She asked me to go to this film screening on riot grrl and queercore music scenes, and I cheerfully obliged. So I get there, and we start talking, awkwardly at first. Then semi-awkward conversation shed its maladroit exoskeleton and gave birth to legitimate, deepening conversation. We went back inside to watch the film, and as we were watching, she curled her fingers around mine. We sat through the whole film holding hands. Then we went out to get coffee, holding hands. It's the first time I've ever held hands with a girl in public. It feels like a huge step for me; I've been openly, PUBLICLY gay for the first time. It was such a thrill.

The bad news: she's leaving to travel around the rest of the country for the next two months.

What a shit, eh?

Still, the whole day was so gratifying and exciting and enjoyable.

How has your (plural) day been?

 

Yay Bocks! Holding hands in a movie! That's so sweet...and holding hands in public, maybe even better (for different reasons)! When is she leaving? Like, now? I hope there's time for a quick roll, at least...

 

Well...She's coming back to the city in April, and wants to catch up with me again then. In the meantime, she's mega-emailing me, which is nothing short of wonderful.

 

Dear boys, a) you're in the lesbian forum, go away; b) if you want a girl to like you, send her ridiculously long emails. We are absolute suckers for crazy long emails.

That's pretty cool, Bocks. Is she fluent at English?

 

Yeah, but she kept saying she was really nervous when she was talking to me and kept screwing up, but she said she'd have screwed up whether it was in English or in German.