written on may8th

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by tourmaline, May 11, 2004.

  1. tourmaline

    tourmaline Member

    there lies inside-

    a simple breatheing beast


    in one way or another,

    it thrashes


    lucidly, unintentional

    in every moment

    full of flow

    and viscocity

    it avoids my very attention

    but everpresent

    it claws at all i touch

    manifests in simple sensation

    i easily blame its intention on

    outward cause

    i, behind my shroud - miss

    it passes by

    and if i catch one single event,

    a multitude are then in progess

  2. Incubus

    Incubus Banned

    Didnt like it, too vague, no electricity and no feeling, a lost feel and a lack of content, no tangible feeling just vague frustration maybe thats what you were going for??? I dont know its not my kind of poetry, but I see it more and more. What I recomend is maybe try and embrace the feeling you want a little more, or maybe the feeling of nothing is what you want???? Im sorry Im too confused to give you any constructive advice.
  3. tourmaline

    tourmaline Member

    then i say mister, you don't understand ;) ... please don't tell me my deepest feelings have no feeling

    sometimes i wish people would stop thinking, what is this person thinking, and start thinking, what does this poem mean to me?

    haha, i'm gonna stop posting these, i'm too sensitive.. frankly i don't need anything constructive, how do you better construct a moment, or the transfer of that onto paper?
  4. Incubus

    Incubus Banned

    Im really sorry man, too me i couldnt find any feeling but frustration. but thats only me, you should keep posting and sharing your stuff because obviously you have some passion and thats the kind of person whos work i enjoy to read wether or not i can relate or find an attatchment to the words is completely irrelavant

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