Would You Stay In A Relationship With Someone You Didn't Trust?

In terms of being faithful, I (sort of) don't trust my gf. I hate saying it, cause she's so great.
I love her, she's a dream gf in terms of how she looks, her sex drive, her being all together is just more than I could ask for. It's everything I always wanted in a girl.

As much as I want this to work out, and as much as I love her, this is the only anxiety I have in my life.

Would you stay with her hoping it works out? As much as I want to, I don't want to waste time. Yet I don't want to give up on something that could potentially make me so happy.

I'm not sure what to do, or what I want to do?

 

Have to ask yourself why you don't trust her..

Is it something she has done?

Or is it something in you?

If it's her, then because your in to her, try work it out, if it doesn't, you will probably lose interest.

If it's you, then work at it, because it's not her fault

 

Trust is really important on a relationship... If you don't fully trust her means you won't be able to fully open to her in the times that you most need. If she hasn't done anything wrong then you have no right to judge her but if you have trust issues that's understandable.

 

Of course not. If she's cheating, you think she respects you? You need to respect yourself first. You think she's cheating on you and she's your "dream-girl". Come on. Look past the exterior. She won't be hot forever, then what? Dump her, find someone worth your time. Think less with your little head and more with your big head.

 

Obviously you wouldn't be asking the question if you didn't want more from the relationship and the illusion of a real relationship can't last, but whether you want to stay with her or not in the meantime is something you'll have to work out for yourself.

 

it depends on the relationship. if i was dating an incredibly hot woman with a great sex drive, i might keep her around for a while just for the fun of it even if it wasn't going to go anywhere.

if it was a serious relationship, trust would be pretty damn mandatory.

 

Been there, I stayed with her as long as possible until parting ways. Well worth it for the crazy-intense love. My reasoning is nothing lasts forever, so enjoy the moment...but each situation is different.

 

Women are not worthy of a man's trust.
Plenty of fools out there though.

I think projecting male values onto women is just foolish.
Trust, honour, duty, loyalty..... All man only stuff.

Don't believe me? ........ wait until the divorce ...... see how much of those you get from her then!

 

sadly, i'm slowly coming to this realization.

 

Oh good god

Anyways. Op, if she hasnt actually done anything to lose your trust then you either need to trust her or walk away. It isnt fair to project your lack of trust on her if she has never actually broken your trust.

If you have a reason not to trust her..well, it works the same way. Either decide if you can trust her again, or walk away. Relationships without trust are miserable fo both parties

 

From a biological flight-fight survival perspective it would make a lot of sense as well.

Village attack situation(pregnant female):

Scenario #1
Male stays behind and fights while the female flees to safety. Buying her time and giving her a higher probability of survival. He dies while she survives and nurtures their progeny. Both genetic material continue on to the next generation.

Scenario #2
He flees along with her, lowering the probability of her survival, thus lowering probability of progeny surviving.

Scenario #3
If she were to fight - significantly less probability progeny surviving.

Honor, trust, duty, loyalty have little value for females survival, but high value for males.



I wonder if the modern western male simply suffers from a mind-warp produced by romanticism overdose due to being raised in a world of abundance.

This reminds me, a girl I know who was listening to Bruno Mars "Grenade" was really perplexed as to why she would ever be expected to "catch a grenade" for her lover. She found the song extremely confusing, couldn't empathize for the life of her. I was somewhat stunned at the thought of having to explain the concept of self-sacrifice to a grown woman. Something I have never had to do for a dude, and believe me I helped raise a lot of dudlets.

 

She did jeopardize the trustI..

Here's the situation. We were friends for four years, and we only hooked up for the first time about 8 months ago. It was amazing, for a month we spent all our time together getting to know each other so much. After another few weeks I come across some "stuff", that showed intentions of her being unfaithful. And lying right to me about things until I Called her out. She was fully making plans with one of her friends to "say goodbye before he left", lets just leave it at that. It wasn't just a hug to say farewell. She was friends with him and they hooked up once, but it was nothing that would of ever worked. She knew it, but still had it in her to kind of plan this sort of thing while just starting a relationship with me..
it was a prettty shitty way to end something that was blossoming so good...

We stopped seeing each other after that for a month. Never spoke and I just walked away from it. It was hard to, since it was such a great time and we seemed to click almost too well!
As hard as it was to cut contact, I was ready to move on and not think about it too much...

Then after a month or so, she got in touch with me again, just to apologize and explain herself and her feelings. We were friends for years and we have people in our lives that are close to both of us. She felt horrible about how it ended, and explained she really thought she gave up too easy on something that could of been great, and what caused it all really meant nothing to her and it was all just talking and nothing really was going to happen?
I told her if we do this again, my trust level is just not the same as it was and it's going to be with me for a while, I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone I trust, but she was willing to do whatever it took to get another chance to proove herself, so obviously I wanted to to make it work.

So it's been about six months since, and things have been 80% amazing and just dreamy. She really is someone special. We've went from a fling/liking each other to now being in love and it being more than just a fling.

But I still just have this gut feeling that makes me uneasy. She's really sexual and open about it, which are qualities I love about her. But she also brings with it a very flirty and what I would say is a "teasing little girl" personality which makes my friends and her friends think that they can say and try whatever, knowing fully that she's in a relationship.

I even found messages from one of my friends that she met once time, who she talked to a bit and I realized he kept complimenting her and hitting on her, saying things that he would never say in front of me. She didn't exactly reply to them, but she was flirty enough to allow him to think that it's cool to do so, and I found out she deleted messages from him hoping I wouldn't see it just cause "it was nothing and she just didn't want to start something". I just thought that was kind of a sign of her trying to be sneeky about things.

I Guess the loss in trust so early on in the relationship has made me a little insecure about her intentions. And there are little things that continually make me think that this is going to end up with her doing something fucked up that ruins this whole relationship. I don't know for 100% if it'll happen, she assures me it won't.. but words are just words. From her actions it tells me otherwise, either that or maybe i'm being negative due to things from before.

I'll also mention that i'm 30 and she's 20. I've had flings and hookups that meant nothing alot in my 20's, and i'm at a point now where I don't want to waste my time on that. I got alot to offer someone, and I Want to put that towards someone who is looking for something long term, And I don't know where she stands on those things, I know she's alot more mature for her age than most. But I know what it's like to be 20, and it makes me a little more skeptical about this working long term.

I'm not an insecure person, but this relationship is the only thing that causes me anxiety and worry.

 

That's sort of the deal. I got this hot 20 year old girl who has such amazing qualities and sex drive, she' really a fantasy chick! Even though it's sort of in my head that it won't last for a long time, I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

But I would love for it to be a serious relationship. It sort of already is now. Which is why it's casing me this stress, cause I want it and she says she wants it and i just feel like it's not going to happen.

But then i think that it's maybe my insecurities that are making me feel that way, and that if i just keep working on it it'll turn out for the best. Then i think that it's just me being optimistic and i know deep down that it won't work...
it's just a circle of questions.

 

Never Again. Not for a second. I'd just pack after bed and leave.