Would you forgive a Cheater?

I'm a very loyal person and I demand loyalty in my relationships. Never say never, but I can't see myself continuing a relationship with someone who has cheated. Forgive, yes. Forget no. I've always gone into relationships stating that if either of us have the slightest urge to be with someone else then we need to talk about it and see what we need to do to be happy. Whether that's opening up the relationship, going our separate ways, or whatever else. If my lady is gonna fuck someone else, I need to be the first person to know about it. Otherwise she's not gonna be my lady anymore. End of story.

 

I think my relationship would have to be in a very bad place for my boyfriend to cheat on me. Some people are narcissistic and cheat just to cheat, most people cheat when they're lonely and aren't being fulfilled in their relationship.

It isnt a good excuse to cheat but I think in that case I would be able to understand cheating is the symptom and not the cause of the relationship falling apart.

 

That second part is why I said that after being with my husband for almost 15 years now so far...and he has never cheated on me thus far, that I would forgive him if he ever did. Because I figure the only way that would ever happen (and I really don't think it ever would happen... I highly highly HIGHLY doubt it.... he's just not that type of person and I've already told him if he ever wants to sleep w somebody else he can tell me before hand and my "answer" will depend on who it is... but neways...)--would be if things got to be pretty terrible between us. In that case, since he's been here for me through so much and has been so wonderful to me for so long I would look at it like a wake up call to go and try to fix what was wrong in the relationship. And I would try to fix things... if it worked, great... if not, oh well...at least we tried.
But yea, all totally hypothetical as I can't see it happening. Not the way he is.... plus I'm too awesome to him for him to want to anyways. (half joke, mostly serious... lolz).

 

I could maybe (just maybe) forgive a one night stand type of cheating, but not like a prolonged deceptive affair. I could not forgive that. If I'm not informed right away that something has happened, there will never be complete trust again, might as well just end it right then and there.

Now maybe, after tons of years, if I knew I trusted/loved this person, it was mutual and I knew I'd been neglecting the relationship to some extent or some other extenuating circumstances caused a distance or some set of boundaries that were complicated and understandable, then maybe then, I'd consider it. But we'd have to be about 10 years in on a really good relationship for me to have that kind of trust.

 

Yea, for me... in my hypothetical situation of saying I could move past it if my husband made a mistake and regretted it... well, I also, earlier in this thread, told a story of how an ex of mine did cheat on me after we were together maybe 3 months and how I was like "byebye".. didn't even look back for a second- after that amount of time, not enough reason TO stay.

 

Yeah no, you can't really control who you develop a crush or begin to really start caring for. That's a bit naive of you to think, admirable, but naive.

 

That's why breakups, have been known to happen via phone call or text message or email. It instantly frees the individual to pursue the moment of something new, although it is very rude.

 

I'm a little confused on how it's disrespectful to nature.

 

Well you could call it silly, but you could also call it strict, and upfront. Obviously when the relationship begins, it must bet set up in it's foundation that this can happen easily. It becomes complicated if there is no pre-nup (in married cases) or if you live together or have financial ties.

But if you are good at emotional disassociation, ending a relationship cold turkey is very easy to do.

I think he's talking about the biological imperative to chase romantic situations for the purpose of passing on your genetic information to offspring? That it's natural to listen to those instincts to go after those you feel attracted to rather than resist it.

 

forgiveness is not an easy thing to master. I can see why you would never forgive it takes a lot of love and a mature mind.

 

Well, it's natural for some ... but not for others.

I don't personally believe ANY of this "biological imperative" nonsense, or "instinct to choose the fittest mate most likely to be able to nurture / feed / whatever one's offspring"

Rather, it's pure natural selection of the behavior patterns which lead to the highest procreation / survival rates. So over time there comes to be a preponderance of those whose instinctive or learned behaviour is to act in this way. But neither the person, their subconscious, their instincts or "nature" thinks "I must do this because ...". There is no anticipative "because ...", conscious or unconscious. There are merely consequences, which differ (at the large population level) between those who naturally do act in such a way, and those who do not.

 

This is really stupid, some of you are making her look like an obsessive psycho just because she wouldn't forgive a cheater, in any case.
Well I wouldn't either, I am better off alone than with a cheating, dishonest partner.
I guess I am also a controlling gf then

 

I think the biological imperative cannot be dismissed but I think it's only one factor of attraction and influencing factor in social sexual behavior like monogamist or promiscuous sexual behavior.

Cultural conditioning certainly plays a major role, but I don't think you can logically dismiss the physical so easily. To do so would require counter studies and explain actions about why science shows species wide that there seem to be universal interpretations of beauty or why when certain levels of hormones are flowing through one's veins or if they're brain's anatomy is arranged or functioning in a certain way they are more than likely to behave in a certain way.

 

I dont think most people meant it like that ! as has been said its not all black and white as it seems as in life there are many shades in between
Most of us have had an accidental shag :redface: things happen ?? its really more about the intent to cheat that would upset me , giving up on a good thing because of a slip is IMO like "throwing away the baby with the bathwater" a fine old saying lol

have I made any sense

 

Actually, the cheater gave up on a good thing the moment he or she decided to have an accidental shag.
Yeah, don't blame the faithful partner.

Besides, just how accidental can a shag be? Does it happen within 5 seconds? Do body parts accidentally touch? Sudden attack of amnesia, so one forgets he/she is in a committed relationship?

"Things happen" is just a lame excuse for weak people.
Things don't happen, YOU make them happen.

 

We were all born weak mate not looking for an argument just saying things happen that we don't plan on happening
I could forgive! because as humans we are weak ?? just my humble opinion

 

1. don't call me mate
2. so many people don't cheat and sleep around, so it's perfectly logical to expect that from a partner

 

You know, we were all born weak is just another excuse so one doesn't need to take full responsibility for one's actions

 

You Really Are Little "Miss Perfection"...

Say It Fast And It Sounds Like Misperfection......:2thumbsup:



Cheers Glen.

 

1. call everyone that
2. i was not being funny with you
3. you know what I cant be arsed