Would you forgive a Cheater?

You know what, I agree with that. But I just don't give 2nd chances that easily.

 

Ohhhh...that's a good one actually.

 

Thanks! :biggrin:

You mean: in hypothetical scenarios. You don't know yet what you would do once you love someone or be in an actual relationship and cheated upon

 

Okay, well, as long as you can see that after a while situations can be very complicated. And if other things are good and the relationship is worth trying to work on, then it's not always so easy just to say "you messed up...byebye!"

That said, one of my first boyfriends cheated on me. After we were together about two months. There were also other issues... like he was just a pompous jerk sometimes. I happily left him right away...and informed him that I had slept with my ex the week before. lol.
So, I wouldn't ALWAYS stay... it just depends...

 

I wouldn't forgive a cheetah If it ate one of my mates ! in fact i would go looking for the fucker
but if a partner slipped up in some small way I would forgive them their trespasses If they didnt make a habit of doing it

 

as I understand it now, it depends on the situation yes?

 

Everything should always depend on the actual situation... sigh! I feel like captain obvious.

 

lol...
that made me lol

Yes, obviously. That is always a time to evaluate the relationship and the other person's intentions (why they did it and future intentions).

 

No i would not forgive someone if they cheated on me under any circumstance! I would never trust them again and if I can not trust the person I am spending my life with then I do not want to spend anymore time with them. Yes people make mistakes and IMO that is one that is unacceptable. That person made the choice and no one forced them to. I treat the people I am with more respect then that snd if I don't get it back then I am gone.

 

Exactly my thoughts, but some people here think people should re-evaluate the relationship and possibly forgive a cheater.

 

Key word (speaking for myself) is possibly. I don't think anyone should or shouldn't, just that life isn't always so black and white, cut and dry.
People also have different levels of what they will or will not forgive. Forgiving though also doesn't mean just letting someone continue to do (whatever it is... not just cheating)....

 

Oh and the staying with or not (separate from forgiveness) often depends on whether or not you feel you could trust that person moving forth or not.
If you'd decide no, you'd probably decide to leave. If you'd decide it was a one time mistake and trust could be rebuilt, then you might not. Or if there was something in the relationship that could be fixed you might decide to stay but I do agree with the person who said it all comes down to whether or not you could trust the person or not.
(for example, if my husband ever made a one time mistake... he hasn't cheated on me in 15 years thus far, so if he made one mistake, I feel I would be able to trust him in the future)...

 

That is their choice and I won't try and tell them how to live their lives! I was just givng my opinion on the matter. Nothing more. Everyone is different on what they can and can not live with.

 

Let me state another obvious thing (imo): You can also end the relationship but still forgive that person.
It's not like the fact that you can't trust that person again and end the relationship means you can't forgive them.

 

Not saying its unforgivable OP, but it's usually never an easy one sided thing, maybe when your 15 or 16 years old it is.

Let's just say you were horrible to your partner, mean, disrespectful or degrading to them, and kept sexual favors from them, etc... And then one day they cheat on you. Do you look at this as they are an evil cheating person plain and simple? Or would you also acknowledge both sides of things? If it's the former, then put yourself in their situation, what would you do? I'm not in any way saying cheating is an effective solution or acceptable, but just saying....

As others have mentioned it's usually never that simple or black & white. I would say it's not often two people in a loving fulfilling relationship cheat on each other. It's typically the rocky, unfulfilled relationships where someone is longing for something or someone and they go out and cheat

 

I don't hold grudges against people, heck I've done terrible things too. But if my boyfriend cheated on me, it would be over. If a person truly loves you, then that person needs to respect you, and show that he cares for you. Cheating on you, displays exactly the opposite. I believe one can hold back on sexual temptations, because it's not something inevitable, it is a choice. I can understand that the human body has natural responses, but whether you fantasize, masturbate, or even carry on with the act of sexual intercourse, all of those things are a choice, and should be punishable with a break-up or separation.

A person who loves you, who truly loves you, should not have even come to think of such a thing. Unless of course, this person is confused (but then it's not true love), the views are different, like in open relationships, or polygamy and such, but those cases are different. Assuming we're talking about a monogamist relationship here, where there's only two people involved, then clearly there has been an act of disrespect, betrayal, humiliation, etc.

I'd forgive him, because like it's said over and over, we're humans and sometimes we might be confused and therefor make "mistakes". But if you're in a relationship, and you know that the person you're with, forbids you from being with other people, than you should be fully conscious of your actions, and thus not falling into temptation, and just speak about it, get it fixed, and not fuck up. But there's no way, no chance I'd ever go back with him if such a thing were to happen.

I'm a high believer in second chances, but I also believe that when it comes to such important matters as these, you only get one.

 

I have seen both sides of this and I think there are people who just can not live with that sort of wound and can easily split after such an event. On the other hand I have known people to swear up and down they would leave until it actually happened to them and they couldn't do it.

Me personally, at this age if you cheat on me I have to get rid of you, I can't waste any more time you because I'm getting older.

 

Once a cheater always a cheater. Never can be trusted ever again. I divorced the bitch and took the kids. I am a peaceful person. I prefer non confrontation, but fuck with my family and suffer Karma. Karma can be a bitch and when she is pissed look out. I made it pretty hard. I left with my clothes and guitar. 1 year later, I was debt free, divorced and had my kids 85% of the time.

 

I separate the concept of forgiveness and going back to the way things were.

I would forgive them, but that wouldn't mean the relationship could be salvaged or continued.

 

Before it happened to me, I had a similarly monochromatic certainty in my attitudes on this subject.

But cheating doesn't happen in a contextual vacuum, and an attitude to it which is formed in a contextual vacuum is pretty pointless. It's like having an attitude on how you should bid a 16-point hand at bridge it there were 5 suits instead of 4 and your shape was 3-3-3-2-2.

The experience changed me forever, it felt like my innards had be torn out of me and spit roasted and then shoved back inside. I never knew such pain was possible. But it is. And it scars you forever.

But ... understanding is possible.

Acceptance is possible.

Eventually forgiveness, too, is possible.

I forgave ... but I did not forget. And we are still together. But the relationship has changed. In some ways it is now better than it was before. In other ways it is not so good. In the round, I would still rather be in it than not.

Getting to that point was not easy ... but I am where I am.

So my advice to the OP, and anybody else who is in the same boat, is wait until it happens to you before pontificating about how you would react if it did. And if you're lucky, it never will, and you will never have to discover how you react when it happens. But if it does happen ... well, it won't happen in a contextual vacuum.