Would You Be Mad If A Family Member Pressed Charges On You?

more specifically, your mother. I grew up as an only child, to a single parent, since my father died. in my late teens I got in to a conflict with my mother and pushed her, then turned around and broke a table. also let me clarify that sometimes we would get in intense fights, and she would just yell and yell at me. she was kind of verbally abusive. in response she had me locked up in a psych hospital (against my will) saying I was a 'danger to myself or others' and then when I got out she hit me with unruly child charges. this was all very confusing to a teenage me as I saw the only parental figure in my life turn on me, locking me up in a psych hospital and then pressing charges on me. as a result I got like 6 or 12 months of probation. then a year later she did it again, even though there was no incident to spark her actions then. though I think it might have not passed in court the second time, I don't remember. perhaps it did pass, and I got another 6-12 months. this was all at about age 15-16, and then I moved out at age 17.

I know I was wrong for pushing her, but I can't believe she pressed charges on me, and had be locked up in a psych hospital. this caused a lot of distrust to grow in our relationship, since I no longer trusted her to guide me in life -- how could she guide me if she was pressing charges on me? I could no longer trust her views on life. even years and years later, I am still very mad about it. even after years and years of telling her she was wrong, she still will not admit she was wrong or apologize. then she gets mad at me because I never call her, and act like I don't want to have a relationship with her. I just don't really talk about it, and kind of submit to her peer pressure of wanting to have a relationship with me.

how would you feel if you were in my shoes? how should I deal with this now that I am an adult?

 

take responsibility for your own actions and forgive the actions of others or you will forever dwell in this place you are now

if i had ever pushed my mom my dad would have beat me unconsious...and rightfully so

 

If you are both getting mad at each other still, then I'd say the resentment is still there. I'd probably wait to let that blow over. Sometimes people say things that they may not necessarily mean, so that is perhaps something to consider. However, being locked up against you own volition and having charges pressed on you seems like it would be a odd dinner conversation piece and a tough one to get over.

 

You did what you did...

 

It sounds like a difficult situation all around. We were not there so it is very hard to do this from only one side of an issue.

They do not usually hold even minors for more than 72 hours unless there are further underlying issues that need treatment. I am not sure if you have a diagnosis and are or were under treatment. If that is or was the case then there may have been some things that were difficult for you to control. Having said that you are still accountable for your actions. If you were being violent in behaviours she may have felt she did not have any choice but to do what she did. The flip side of that coin is that without her reporting you she probably was unable to get any "help" for you as that is how the system works.

If you are still having issues with all of this after all this time, you need to find a way to deal with it and move on in life or it is going to have a negative impact on you and all relationships. Ideally it would involve your mom as well and and mutual place of understanding of where you both were and are now. If your mom is not receptive to doing so, you still need to sort this for yourself.

Hard place to be.

 

It is really hard for an outsider to make a judgement call here as we don't know the full story. Maybe she was verbally abusive and her being a bad mother was what drove you to finally snap and lash out at her. Or maybe she was just a struggling single mom who was stressed out and dealing with an unruly selfish teenager. Who knows?

Either way the healthiest option is always to forgive. Holding on to resentment and anger will eat at you. She doesn't have the stress of being a single parent anymore and you don't have the angst of being a teenager. You are both different people now, it couldn't hurt to try to form a relationship within the context of who you are now, not who you once were.

 

forgiveness comes after an apology. i don't think i could forgive her if she doesn't apologize, and she won't. i apologized for my part, and I would never do anything like that again. so if she forgives me or not is totally on her. i'm not sure that she has.

it just seems like there are many other things she could have done. she could have grounded me. could have handled it within our own household instead of going to court.

 

no dude....forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person....it is you....only you.....no strings attached......

 

Yes I would---very much so----because selling blackmarket antiquities and looted art and jewelry for Isis is a family business!

Seriously all those years (and the tons of money we made) for protecting Nazi War Criminals, or selling US Hydrogen bomb secrets to the Soviets (and who would have ever guessed that the real secret was to add a pinch of sugar to the weapons grade plutonium) would have been for nothing! North Korea paid a huge fortune for the same secrets a few years ago, and no one knows about us-----not even the CIA...

Seriously, its a family business, so there better not be any talk, or that person gets no more money!

But we have our own way of taking care of things-----Scalia was an in-law, not blood, so when he started to talk, well, that's why he got the pillow.

It doesn't matter though---the State Department needs us----we are the largest dealers of arms in Africa, and to the drug cartels-----if it wasn't for us, there would be no need to really give the military and the DEA as much money as they get now.

I think we're safe----it was a DEA agent that tipped us off about all that art stolen from the Louvre and replaced with fakes. They haven't even figured it out at the Louvre yet! But unfortunately I was holding the Mona Lisa, and my basement flooded last spring------a total loss----oh well.

Anyway-----no one knows about any of this----so we are safe!

 

Huh?

 

Agreed. You forgive so you can heal.

 

I would end the relationship and continue on in life.
I know someone in a similar situation, mother let her boyfriend harass and bully son
son was pushed in passing in the hall- light - demonstration of power or some shit by the boyfriend idk (after months of this type of behaviour)
son freaks out and chucks a side table at the boyfriend
charges pressed --> probation--> dude now 15 and homeless--> dude wasn't allowed back to the house after he was done with at police station, had no possessions as he wasn't allowed to retrieve them (mother and boyfriend sold them)
dude remained homeless for 2 years (i moved into my place and roomied w/ him)(got his own place 3 months in)
Mother broke up with boyfriend 5 years later (dudes 20)(coming out that she was being abused herself) and wanted to make things right with her son.
son gave a resounding nope and was very happy, don't blame him.
dudes now 22, still has his own place, in loving relationship for last 4 yrs, super happy
gotta cut those harmful ties

 

i don't know. if i was in the mafia they'd probably just kill me instead.

if someone is going to act like an asshole, i don't think being related to someone is an excuse to get away with it.
if the charge is a false one, made by a family member who was just plain ditzy, i don't know if mad was exactly the term, but i'd certainly make every effort to distance myself from them from then on.

 

I know quite a few oinkers and assorted government stooges and to a person they will tell you that most people who press charges against family members are doing it for chickenshit reasons and because they have abandoned their own ability to resolve their problems into the public sector because it's only a 3 digit phone call away. I must have missed the age part of this, but if you're an adult as in old enough for the big people's jail, it's time to bail out on any toxic relationships and find your own way for a while. Hanging around till they drive you into a violent rage only serves a government juggernaut that is all too happy to deal with you and your mother in their own special way, usually costing money. Having someone who is intentionally toxic around you is a huge distraction that halts your development as a person. What value has been had in remaining?

 

so your mum had enough, and the police had enough, and the doctors had enough to hold you against your will? courts gave you probation with no evidence but lies???
and i thought UK laws were crap...but dont ever hit your mum! nothing justifies that!
you need control, and with control comes forgiveness, its the only way to move forward, you wont, till you can give that to her. then, and only then will she not have any effect on your life
My mum beat the crap out of her kids, believe me! but when i grew up, i forgave her, my siblings never did..she became my best friend, at your age, i would never have believed that..i believe it was because i took myself out of her control..now she has gone, and i understand her life more, i miss her, and feel sad for the life she had.
forgive her.

 

yes absolutely....being the bigger person is tough....i get it.....op should be thinking of his/her long game and not just next week

 

Would you be mad if a family member pressed rat on you?

 

some things are unforgivable

 

Sounds like a similar situation to me as a kid, except her boyfriend attacked me and I fought back then the locks were changed the next day. No charges pressed except banishment to the street.

I was mad for a long time, probably always will be to some degree. But you have to let it go, not for her as much as for yourself.

 

Forgiveness comes from within. If you can't see that you need to work on yourself first.