So I’m two years older than my boyfriend and I am getting a chemistry degree at a great school. He on the other hand is getting a certificate at the local community college in our home town. He has to take a beginner math class which is something I would’ve taken my sophomore year in high school. I told him that I’d be glad to help him with his work. This has been going great until I realized that he’s no longer asking for help and instead is just asking for the answers. Being hours away doesn’t help, but we’ll be on FaceTime for hours. It has gotten to the point where I’m not studying for my test because I’m constantly doing his work for him. I know he has a job and is prioritizing that before school. It took him a while before he was able to find a job, but I explained to him that if he’s days behind on math homework and is seriously struggling then maybe he needs to quit until he finishes school. He told he no but is steady relying on answers. Should I stop helping him?
Yes you should stop, he will get all his passes for his exam but will not have learned anything, and you will have missed out on you’re own studies , it is lovely that you are kind, be kind but don’t be a fool.
Sounds to me like you'll be supporting him for the rest of your life if you keep this up. You need to find someone that shares your drive and ambition. It also may be that he just hasn't really figured out what he really wants to do and is good at - not everyone is so lucky to find that right away. College isn't for everyone, maybe he'd be better off in a trade working with his hands - there's no shame in doing construction, auto repair, plumbing, HVAC, electrical work - they're good money and steady work. He needs to learn how to learn, which I think is the fundamental problem with undergraduate education today.
Don’t be an enabler. It’s like giving alcohol to a alcoholic. Tough words I know and even if he makes through math class, he can’t have a real sense of accomplishment.
I was in a similar situation at one point. While my ex wife and I were dating during college, she had me over to her dorm room one afternoon/evening. After being there a while I found myself sitting in a desk chair in front of her computer, with her on my lap being quite sweet but in a sort of odd way. Eventually it came out that she expected me to write a paper for her. Mid-term or something, can't remember now. Anyway, she got really pissed when I flatly refused. It should have told me something, because after we both graduated she worked in her field for about 5 months, frankly sucked at it, didn't put forth any effort to improve, and ended up spending the remainder of our time together either out of work or at kind of random receptionist jobs. I had drive and a desire to learn and grow. She didn't. My point is this: you're seeing an important difference between you now that will only manifest itself in larger ways as time goes on. Think about what you're going to be ok with in the long run. I'll freely acknowledge that this issue had nothing to do with my divorcing her, but it was a perpetual character/personality aggravation.
