Witnesses Sex As A Child / Mother's Adultery Anxiety And Conflicted Emotions

Hello,

I never sought professional help for this and because of the nature of the incidents, I have never discussed it with anyone in my real life.

When I was 12, my mom had a fling with a guy at the resort were were staying that summer. She was married to my dad, but would bond with a guy she met at the resort community all summer.

Though I was a kid, I could tell she liked this guy but beyond the general idea that she should just be with my dad, I didn't really absorb the whole dynamic. I thought maybe they'd kiss (because that's what men and women who like each other do) and had a vague feeling they'd just spend time together, and I knew it was a secret, but the breadth of adultery didn't really register to me.

I actually witnessed them having sex one eve when I doubled back to our bungalow because I had a strong feeling she was with him. I had never seen anything like that before (TV was much more tame and that was all I would know), and it really shocked me at the time. At the same time, I found it compelling, so I watched for a bit before I got scared
I'd get caught and took off.

I checked on her in the evenings when I could (usually there was evening activity like a movie or event) and I saw them make love five more times, though circumstantial evidence made it clear that they had sex frequently that summer.

I loved my mom and my dad, but I also liked this guy, I thought he was real cool at the time. I knew what she was doing was a secret and therefore probably bad or embarrassing, but I also found it exciting and went back to check on her so I could see them again. I didn't really understand sex at the time so it was a combination of scary and exciting to me.

Though I am straight, I sometimes find myself attracted to men that remind me of this guy. I also had anxiety over the years as I would more fully appreciate the details of what they were doing - sometimes I'd forget a detail and then something would click and I would realize another aspect of what was going on. I also don't entirely trust my memories of the incidents.

This has been a source of stress and anxiety for me for many years. Recently, I've been having dreams about this again, after not having any for many years.

 

Doesn't really sounds weird to me..
The fact that you were so intrigued by this weird happening.

Maybe you should confront your mom with this. Get it out in the open.
I think the secret is fueling your anxiety maybe.

 

It would do you, your mom, your dad, nor anybody else, any good for you to dredge up this long-passed, traumatic misfortune of your youth. It could do you, and maybe some other people some good if you sought professional mental health. Your curiosity, at the time, is quite understandable, and there is no reason for you to blame your youthful inquisitive nature for pursuing the blatant clues that responded to everything your hormones were seeking at this time in your adolescence.

That was in no way a proper introduction to sexual "education," and because of the improper nature of the entire episode, it did far more harm than good. It is hardly possible that such an experience could even occur to you, or any boy of that age, without leaving a lifelong scar.


Get help, please, and try not to say anything to anyone about this, except a professional therapist. Try to forgive your mom, you will both benefit from it. Good Luck!

 

when my Dad was oversees my mom had a special friend she said this guy would come over after we were in bed. He was real nice a black man from the base. He treated us very well so we just thought he was a friend until one night i opened the door and he was on top of her he was naked and her robe was up around her waist. didnt know what sex was but that seemed different. Never told her but years later kidded her about her sitting in his car late at night.