Wisdom: The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. Wisdom: On the other hand, you have different fingers Wisdom: If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Wisdom: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Wisdom: Few women admit their age, Few men act it! Wisdom: Ignorance is temporary, Stupidity lasts forever. Wisdom: It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Wisdom: Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot Wisdom: Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. Wisdom: Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a risk? Wisdom: We do precision guesswork Wisdom: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Wisdom: You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Wisdom: Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. Wisdom: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Wisdom: Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something. Wisdom: Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Wisdom: Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway. Wisdom: A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive. Wisdom: Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive. Wisdom: All generalizations are false. Wisdom: Copy from one is plagiarism. Copy from two is research. Wisdom: God loves stupid people. That's why he made so many. Wisdom: Originality is the art of concealing your sources. Wisdom: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Wisdom: Remember, half the people you know are below average Wisdom: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. Wisdom: If something goes without saying, LET IT! Wisdom: Life is like a roll of toilet paper, The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Wisdom: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Wisdom: Zero to naked in 6.2 beers. Wisdom: A fool and his money are soon partying. Wisdom: Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of it's students. Wisdom: An accountant is a man hired to explain why you didn't make the money you did. Wisdom: No one is listening until you make a mistake. Wisdom: Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep Wisdom: Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition Wisdom: It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you Wisdom: Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right. Wisdom: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Wisdom: Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. Wisdom: When dangling, watch your participles. Wisdom: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Wisdom: Help wanted -- telepathy: you know where to apply. Wisdom: What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Wisdom: Consciousness: that annoying time between naps Wisdom: Programming Rule: Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. Wisdom: Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Wisdom: Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m. Wisdom: The major export of Lichtenstein is false teeth. Wisdom: Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! Wisdom: Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Wisdom: It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. Wisdom: The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk. Wisdom: Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working. Wisdom: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Wisdom: The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. Wisdom: What's the speed of dark? Wisdom: If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport. Wisdom: Artificial inteligence? Better than natural stupidity. Wisdom: Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Wisdom: Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Wisdom: A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. 11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. 15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 16. Don't squat with your spurs on. 17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people. 19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. 20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. 21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. 24. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. 28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 29. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. 31. When life hands you lemons, throw them at people. 32. People who live in glass houses should never walk around naked. 33. To me, the glass is always half empty, but what's there is always really, really good, in a sarcastic kind of way.
I find Einsteins wisdom the strongest (and some of them are humorous) he secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. --Albert Einstein The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. --Albert Einstein People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born. --Albert Einstein in a letter to Otto Juliusburger The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind. --Albert Einstein It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human responsibility. --Albert Einstein I think and think for months and years, ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right. --Albert Einstein I cannot conceive of a personal God who would directly influence the actions of individuals, or would directly sit in judgment on creatures of his own creation. I cannot do this in spite of the fact that mechanistic causality has, to a certain extent, been placed in doubt by modern science. [He was speaking of Quantum Mechanics and the breaking down of determinism.] My religiosity consists in a humble admiratation of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance -- but for us, not for God --Albert Einstein The Human Side, 1954 Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. --Albert Einstein Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. --Albert Einstein The pioneers of a warless world are the youth who refuse military service. --Albert Einstein The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. --Albert Einstein Those instrumental goods which should serve to maintain the life and health of all human beings should be produced by the least possible labour of all. --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) The search for truth is more precious than its possession --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. --Albert Einstein I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious. --Albert Einstein Example isn't another way to teach, it is the only way to teach. --Albert Einstein With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon. --Albert Einstein I want to know God's thoughts...the rest are details. --Albert Einstein Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. --Albert Einstein Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the life-long attempt to acquire it. --Albert Einstein Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. --Albert Einstein Isn't it strange that I who have written only unpopular books should be such a popular fellow? --Albert Einstein The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable receiving. --Albert Einstein The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once --Albert Einstein Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. --Albert Einstein Try not to be a person of success, but rather a person of virtue --Albert Einstein He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice. --Albert Einstein Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. --Albert Einstein Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. --Albert Einstein Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler --Albert Einstein Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. --Albert Einstein I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. --Albert Einstein The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. --Albert Einstein Perfection of means and confusion of ends seem to characterize our age. --Albert Einstein I have deep faith that the principle of the universe will be beautiful and simple. --Albert Einstein Truth is what stands the test of experience. --Albert Einstein The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. --Albert Einstein Quantum mechanics is very impressive. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory yields a lot, but it hardly brings us any closer to the secret of the Old One. In any case I am convinced that He doesn't play dice. --Albert Einstein Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a [person] does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses their intelligence. --Albert Einstein Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not. --Albert Einstein There remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion --Albert Einstein Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune intoned in the distance by an invisible player --Albert Einstein Do you believe in immortality? No, and one life is enough for me --Albert Einstein How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn;for what purpose we know not, though sometimes sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people first of all for whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends. --Albert Einstein Scientists were rated as great heretics by the church, but they were truly religious men because of their faith in the orderliness of the universe. --Albert Einstein I do not believe that the Good Lord plays dice --Albert Einstein When forced to summarize the general theory of relativity in one sentence: Time and space and gravitation have no separate existence from matter. --Albert Einstein We know nothing at all. All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren. The real nature of things we shall never know --Albert Einstein You teach me baseball and I'll teach you relativity...No we must not You will learn about relativity faster than I learn baseball. --Albert Einstein For every one billion particles of antimatter there were one billion and one particles of matter. And when the mutual annihilation was complete, one billionth remained - and that's our present universe. --Albert Einstein Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving --Albert Einstein So long as there are men there will be wars --Albert Einstein Nationalism is an infantile diease, the measles of mankind --Albert Einstein I believe in standardizing automobiles, not human beings --Albert Einstein To get to know a country, you must have direct contact with the earth. It's futile to gaze at the world through a car window --Albert Einstein I love to travel, But hate to arrive --Albert Einstein Politics is more difficult than physics --Albert Einstein I hate crowds and making speeches. I hate facing cameras and having to answer to a crossfire of questions. Why popular fancy should seize upon me, a scientist, dealing in abstract things and happy if left alone, is a manifestation of mass psychology that is beyond me. --Albert Einstein I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious. --Albert Einstein When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German Ambassador: they want to see me, here I am. If they want to see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits. --Albert Einstein Lasting harmony with a woman(was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully --Albert Einstein A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought. --Albert Einstein As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality --Albert Einstein I don't believe in mathematics. --Albert Einstein I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. --Albert Einstein If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. --Albert Einstein The ideals that have lighted my way and time after time have give me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty and Truth. --Albert Einstein Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. --Albert Einstein Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. --Albert Einstein A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? --Albert Einstein Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. --Albert Einstein Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater. --Albert Einstein If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor --Albert Einstein The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. --Albert Einstein If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it ? --Albert Einstein Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. --Albert Einstein It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed --Albert Einstein Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity --Albert Einstein Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --Albert Einstein Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. --Albert Einstein Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means --Albert Einstein The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible --Albert Einstein When the solution is simple, God is answering. --Albert Einstein The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax. --Albert Einstein The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. --Albert Einstein I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. --Albert Einstein Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift. --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) It is high time that the ideal of success should be replaced by the ideal of service. --Albert Einstein The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self. --Albert Einstein (03/14/1879-1955) The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it. --Albert Einstein It is not by sitting still at a grand distance and calling the human race larvae that men are to be helped --Albert Einstein There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle The other is as though everything is a miracle. --Albert Einstein As punishment for my contempt for authority, Fate has made me an authority myself. --Albert Einstein I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details. --Albert Einstein A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. --Albert Einstein A human being is part of the whole called by us universe , a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty... We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive. --Albert Einstein We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human responsibility. --Albert Einstein Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. --Albert Einstein We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books . It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranges and obeying certain laws, but only dimly understand these laws. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that moves the constellations. --Albert Einstein Where there is love there is no question --Albert Einstein The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving. --Albert Einstein When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity. --Albert Einstein The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. --Albert Einstein Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who read too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. --Albert Einstein Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. --Albert Einstein On the big Bang theory: "For every one billion particles of antimatter there were one billion and one particles of matter. And when the mutual annihilation was complete, one billionth remained - and that's our present universe." --Albert Einstein MacMillan has this particular quote simply as "God doesn't play dice." and notes that it is often quoted as doesn't play dice with the universe" --Albert Einstein Imagination is more important than knowledge. --Albert Einstein He who finds though that lets us penetrate even a little deeper into the eternal mystery of nature has been granted great grace. He who, in addition, experiences the recognition, sympathy, and help of the best minds of his times, had been given almost more happiness than one man can bear. --Albert Einstein Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. --Albert Einstein
I love this one: The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. --Albert Einstein And you're not pathetic for not being able to go without an internet connection, if just for the sole reason that I don't want to think of myself as pathetic for that reason as well Plus for you, being Klingon and all, there must be some attraction to this forum with all the bickering and potentials for warfar
