Hi, I'm 44, and only in the last four years have I identified as lesbian. Before then I identified as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a long term lesbian, and live in a lesbian community. But recently several comments by other lesbians have made me doubt that I will ever be fully accepted by the lesbian community because I came to this late. Even my girlfriend has said she would rather be dating a 'real' lesbian, and has said that some of my attitudes are 'straight'. One of the barriers to embracing my sexuality fully was that I experienced the lesbian world as very closed and exclusive, and I didn't find it something that I fit into easily. Now I'm experiencing this disapproval and exclusion, even though I have come out fully. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Like I'm seen as a tourist. Like I don't have the correct social norms. I'm not straight, but I can never be a proper lesbian either. This is causing me a lot of pain, I'd love to hear if theres light at the end of the tunnel X
there is. Unfortunately, too many lesbian ladies have been burnt by bi/bi curious girls who simply won't commit. Not everyone, but many. "Bi" in some lesbian communities borders on a dirty word. You are suffering from the sins of others. Just hang in there - show you're genuine. Really, earn your stripes. But if you show genuiness, it will happen.
I'm always surprised by these so called "lesbian communities". Like where the hell are people finding these? Is it like a ranch full of lesbians? =O And like, no one really should be saying much about your sexuality. In fact get out of this community, it sounds like rubbish anyway. I don't have any lesbian friends, I never really have and I knew I was gay when I was pretty young and still I've never found it totally comfortable even thinking about forming friendships with other lesbians. It's just very odd to me and I find it quite hurtful your partner would even mention that she wishes she was with a "real" lesbian. Sure she might be "real" as fucking dumb as that even sounds, but she also sounds like a dead set bitch. =] So like I always say to people, let them suffer with their own burdens, not your problem at all. You've done nothing wrong at all. It's just all unfair.
You are doing NOTHING wrong. In my opinion, you need to get away from this so called girlfriend and this so called lesbian community. There are definitely queer people out there who will accept you. You just haven't found the right ones yet. I classify myself as bi, but really only see myself ending up with a woman right now. Good luck in your search.
Some of your attitude is 'straight'? I just wanted to post and tell you that you should not listen to her. She does not sound like a good person at all. If you identify as a lesbian then honey, you ARE one. Don't listen to talk like that. It will only bring you down. This tiny community you are in (it's a drop in the atlantic come on now) sounds toxic. I'd run.
I know quite a few lesbian ladies that unfortunately have been hurt once or twice from a bisexual female. It happens! In reality, it shouldn't matter. The ones that are making you feel this way in my opinion aren't worth having around. You are you, you have grown beautifully into your own skin just like the rest of those ladies have. Don't be ashamed for liking both sexes, and don't feel like you need to change for others just to be accepted. You'll drive yourself crazy. The right one will come along, and if the ones you are surrounding yourself with now are in fact 'hurting' you - I guarantee theres a woman and a community out there for you that is far more accepting. If you are still currently in this long term relationship, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to talk to her about how you feel in the community you're both surrounded in. If she doesn't understand, she doesn't deserve you. Love and Light :daisy: :love:
Hi, I know how do you feel right now, my ex girlfriend said to me the same things everyday and it make me realize just one think: It pissed me off. Being called bi or hetero just pissed me off and I hardly could handle it. Then I realize that a girlfriend shouldn't make you sad nor angry, now I know labels just make this feelings we do have meaningless. When I've said that I've got 9 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend in my entire life lesbians call me weird, even though I just go out with that boyfriend to hide my sexuality so then: They will be happy Mom will be happy And I won't be. Is it fair? That you're finally found yourself and then someone else tell you that you're not real? Sure labels aren't necessary, the principal thing here it's your happines, and you're the only one who knows if you're really happy -Your thread was in my mind the whole week so I registered in this forum Lol-
The way you describe it, I certainly get the feeling that this is how the lesbians among whom you are currently living see you. BUT ... why are you defining THEM as the "proper" lesbians, to your own detriment? YOU know how you self-identify. What the hell right have they to judge you otherwise? Sounds to me like they have a BIG issue ... and it's THEIR issue, not yours. You don't fit in there? GOOD! I don't think I'd want to fit in there, either. There is nothing wrong with you just the way you are. Accept it. Believe it. And then you will see those who say otherwise for what they really are. Big hug from me, hun :daisy:
I'm Bi-sexual and been living with an older female partner for nearly a year now. I can relate a little to your experiences. I had never really been a 'scene' kinda girl until I met my current partner. She's always gone to gay/lesbian clubs, bars and venues and never really socialised in my circles. When we met by chance (internet dating site) our lives collided. We're very different, yet we're very much in love. We compromise, I mix in her circles, she tries her best to mix with my friends, which is a challenge sometimes ..we're learning I felt at first that I was a bit of an odd-ball when I was with her friends and a feared that I was considered not a 'real' lesbian as you put it. Yet over time as I relaxed and got to know people a bit better I realised that most of my apprehension was unfounded. People were reacting to my tension rather than judging me as something fake. As soon as I stopped putting others at a distance I was accepted a lot more. Sure there are some in the community who view Bi girls as a risk, full of experimentation and dabbling, damaged by hateful male relationships, but you've just got to earn a bit of trust and not take that narrow minded view seriously. If you want to chat at all to someone similar, just drop me a message, Shayla x
I'm trying to understand what a "real lesbian," "proper lesbian" and a "straight attitude" is. What the hell? Haha. It sounds like they're having an identity crisis while prodding a rough stick at someone's face. From what I can tell, when a man somehow enters an equation directly, indirectly, or on planet mars lesbians for some reason find it as a betrayal. Usually when you're not in a circle it's hard to get in, I find. I have the same problem. Apparently being a bisexual means "they don't know what they want" instead of "they like both". Lesbians tend to be really sensitive for some reason. There seems to be some initiation process you have to go through where they don't give you the rules and expect you to guess instead. Have fun in wild and whacky world.
Spiraea, Every community has set , social norms and if you seem " different" or deviate from those norms that exclusion will happen. Xenophobia, It's a product of society and community whether gay, straight, all communities. People who seem "different" make us question our own lives, values, and norms which might be harder for some people than others. This is something that many people struggle with, but for you I will say... Self Acceptance is most important. We all struggle with the need to be accepted by a community or finding our "tribe" . BUT Forget the people who exclude you, find your own path and blaze it ,sister! :afro: Keep love in your heart for yourself and the right people will gravitate to you! Dont worry about them accepting you, do what you love, love yourself and the people who are meant to be in your life will find you. Synchronicity is a beautiful thing!
