Wife Swapping In A Marriage Good Idea?

Would you be happy to swap your wife with your friends wife, would it put a little sparkle in your marriage and spice up your sex life ?

Would it make the relationship you have with your wife in marriage stronger, or would it have the reverse effect driving you both apart and resulting in divorce ?

I can see certain advantages to wife swapping in a marriage can you ?

 

I've posted on this before, but not recently. Sharing is for strong relationships, where there is already a very high level of trust established. Even in those situations, some people can't deal with the jealousy issues, or find that it simply isn't worth the trouble. But... it can be a great adventure.

A couple that I've known since college used to go to a swinger bar to meet other couples. They stopped going when they decided to have children. They never went back there, due to STD concerns and fears of being recognized by someone who might talk to the wrong people. They only exchange with us now. We've shared blood test results, so we don't have to worry about condoms or condom accidents. I like that. I also like the flexibility of sometimes having all four of us meet together, and at other times going away with just my boyfriend for a romantic getaway weekend. I've known him long enough that trust isn't an issue.

 

I think it depends on how you view relationships and sex, to me , it is not a matter of trust, it is more a matter of how you view intimacy, sex and your own body. To me, once you have committed to another person, your love, your life, then intimacy should be reserved for just that one person. Sex in a loving relationship should be the physical embodiment of intimacy. It comes from a place of love and connection. Within a relationship sex and intimacy are inextricably linked.

We are one of the few animals in the animal kingdom who are monogamous, when you feel sexual urges you don't express them with just any human who is in heat. You exercise enough self control and restraint to only express these urges with your loved one.

In my opinion...if sex is "just fucking" maybe multiple partners are fine. But for me...sex is much more than that. If one partner gets bored, you can spice things up without involving other people.

I would not do that at all. And, I am no prude... but I believe if you are committed to someone, sharing that part of them/you with another is, well...rather low life type of thing. Low vibrational frequency.

 

Exactly. It's hard to get that feeling back when you've been living with somebody for several years. It's easier to get out of your civilized ruts with somebody else, and be more creative and dirty. And of course, some things you can do in a group setting just don't compare to anything that is humanly possible in monogamy. I'm not ready to say that I'll never again in my lifetime be with two guys at the same time, or with another woman. But... trusting random people that I just met in some bar or club... I'm done with that. Too many nuts out there.

Another thing that I didn't expect to happen; sharing hubbies with an old friend has greatly strengthened and deepened my friendship with her. Instead of feeling jealousy or competition between us, we've ended up being more like sisters, in some ways.

There's nothing more intimate than sharing a bank account and ownership of a house with somebody, and I only do that with one person. Also, the other couple doesn't have children with random fathers.

 

Not for me, and many others. They can get that feeling back without having sex with someone else. I guess that is how the Brown family feels...the Sister wife thing,guess it works for some but not for me. I wouldn't feel competition or jealousy...I would feel like a low life person that I would share my body with someone else.

I do not feel money or owning material things together is anywhere even close to sharing your body with someone. To me..that is not intimate....it is material and close, but you can do that with an aging parent.

 

People can have great sex at all different levels of a relationship, including 15 minutes after meeting, but to combine your finances and property with someone, you have to trust them almost as much as you trust yourself. Some married couples don't even do that anymore. Maybe this a subject best explored in a different thread, but some married people are now keeping everything financial as separate as possible, as if they are planning their divorces from day one. I think that's a huge mistake. When you make plans to fail at something, you usually fail. If I didn't trust my husband absolutely and completely, I wouldn't have married him.

Another intimate thing is signing those medical forms that determine who can legally make the decision to take me off life support in a hospital, if I ever get in that situation. For me, that's a much bigger deal than a fun sexual encounter. There is only one person on earth I want making that decision for me, if I'm not able to communicate.

And then there's the decision to have children. That's the third relationship thing I rank more important than sex.

I used to get emotionally attached to every sexual partner, but that changed with time and experience. Now I can do it either way. It's up to me how I want to play it.

 

Humans are not monongamous, we are pack animals and through all mammals in out lineage their are millions of years of you gals being programmed to the alpha male.

I could listen to you talk like that for hours, and then introduce you to a few guys I know you would be too nervous to stay in the same room with for too long.

You can talk yourself into believing otherwise, but you cant mask all those truths the body gives away. You never have complete control over your own body

 

Since you do not know me at all, then saying you KNOW anyone or anything that would make me nervous is ridiculous, absurd....nonsense.
Many people can and do have control over their body and what they do with it.

 

Some animals actually are. Between people it tends to be a social contract that both will remain monogamous. While I may not be able to control a hormonal response, I do control acting upon it.


As far as the original poster, as Karen stated if you do not have a strong marriage it is probably not something that will be a benefit to your marriage. It sure is not going to fix what is not right.

I think before including others you have to be really clear regarding personal limits and acceptables. Those that seem to make it work for them usually have done so.

 

Programming of women to alpha male clearly missed the mark when it comes to me.

I've been speaking to a lot of people about this probably over the last 18-24 months and every couple has their different responses. I've gone and met with couples on the swinging sites and I've had couples come and visit us too.

I guess what gave me the idea was that I was learning that what I was into 10 years ago wasn't what I was into now, and I wanted to learn how my sexuality could shift and what to expect and how other relationships last. Before this of course I'd taken my fair of other partners, I've spoken about it before but nice never had the worry of not meeting female partners, I think it's easy, to me they're everywhere wanting to experience. Maybe it's just the sexual culture of the country etc.

Anyway, while I think my relationship with my partner is the best relationship anyone can have with anybody, I've always looks at everyone else's relationship and wondered how the hell it even gelled together in the first place. After speaking with these swinging couples though I learned that many at least believed it favored their relationship and they grew a stronger bond by doing this TOGETHER. And that's the most important part to me. TOGETHER. I personally don't like hearing about one partner trying to cheat or be dirty on their other partner when a little communication could have them both desiring the same thing but it's never communicated. This is true to the wed fellows that do speak to me on swinging sites albeit my constant "single males and cheating males please don't talk to me". They always say the same thing. "Wife's not into it" but I don't even really believe they have asked her.

I've met gay female couples too but unfortunately they aren't really what I am after personally. I don't even know what I'm after really, but I've never found it in another gay couple. I've found the spark with hubby and wife though, it's just difficult to suggest the hubby keeps his distance until I feel comfortable. And of course they all say yes, absolutely, but of course I've also seen these people post and chat in the sites too and there's a lot of inconsistency.

So I've yet to find my perfect couple this way, but I easily believe I could if I really put in the effort. As for now, I let them chase me, and I won't find that perfect match until I obtain the confidence to search for it myself.

It gets interesting with my relationship because my parter is NOT open to having sexual adventures with males, but every now and again I get the urge to mix my sexuality. This is where the communication really needs to be 100% because the jealousy issues expressed in earlier could really come to play. But by communicating this between ourselves, my partner understand my urges and desires to sleep and experience other women and possibly even men. And she's 100% fine with this. Of course we have our rules and guidelines set as we always have and she's not opposed to fooling around with other women either and we actively encourage one another.

But going back to what I said earlier, it just seems that we can make it work in our relationship, but I haven't found too many others in our situation. Some couples have so many rules that I see it as a pointless adventure to be perfectly honest. Then some are so open I struggle to find reason behind having a relationship in the first place.

Whatever floats your boat.

 

well, if you want to wife swap, it would have to be in a marriage. can't exactly wife swap if you're a bachelor.

 

I'm in an open marriage and it works for us.

I love that we're completely honest. It's a very freeing thing.

 

Many people are completely honest in their relationship, and it is freeing to trust your mate that much, to KNOW they are honest and loyal. But I do not feel you have to have an open relationship to have an honest one. One does not preclude the other.

But...to each his own.

 

I'm speaking to the people who cheat on their spouses or significant others in supposedly monogamous relationships.

 

So far, everybody in this thread seems to be in agreement that it isn't smart to stray too far outside your personal comfort zone. Bad things can happen when that rule is broken. I've seen women totally freak out in fits of jealousy when they had been dragged into strip clubs against their will, by their husbands or boyfriends. Nobody wants to see that.

Everybody is a little different, and has their own set of rules and expectations and concerns. That's why the negotiation phase in swinging is such a big deal. A lot of women draw the line in different places in terms of how far they'll go with another man. My main concerns are STD-related. I haven't spent time at swinger bars and clubs, but I have been involved in such conversations at the poolside bar at my favorite hotel in New Orleans, a known destination for that kind of thing. When I was single, I used to get invited to threesomes there.

Even within a group of four, every individual is a little different. In our group, each person gets something a little different out of it. I like being my boyfriend's fantasy girl. He's never seen me when I've just finished doing a lot of heavy housecleaning, and he never will. In our limited time together, we can make an effort to make everything special, romantic, and intense. I also enjoy the bisexual aspect of our arrangement. The other wife likes being treated like a princess by my husband, which nobody can keep up 24/7. She also likes being with two men at the same time. Her husband gets off on watching other men fuck his wife, and my husband likes variety. His girlfriend is a petite natural blond, and I'm not.

I don't see any negative consequences coming our way, unless some local prude finds out what we're up to and starts talking. If that happens, things could get really bad for us, because we're surrounded by people who think tolerance for different lifestyles ("to each his own") isn't Christian.

 

I guess I do not understand this. This thread is about swapping, isn't it?

 

How could things get bad for you? You mean people will gossip? Surely you don't think you will get hanged at the stake do ya?

 

Pieceofmyheart, on 16 Oct 2015 - 08:54 AM, said:
But I do not feel you have to have an open relationship to have an honest one. One does not preclude the other.

But...to each his own.

Yes, that's why it was curious that you brought up a monogamous relationship in your comment.

 

I see....sorry. Just miscommunication.

Just to make things clear. I do not care that people have that relationship...it is just not for me and I stated why.

 

As a business owner in a mostly conservative area, having the wrong kind of reputation could cost me a lot of money. I'm already on thin ice with enough people for failing to regularly participate in a church, and for failing to speak up in agreement when people say positive things about the Republican Party.

In business, I'd prefer for people to judge me on the quality of my work, and nothing else.

The only situations where I feel totally comfortable saying what I think about sexual subjects are online (HF), and with a few old friends, and in strip clubs, and pretty much anywhere in the New Orleans French Quarter. I get some negative reactions online, but nothing I can't deal with.