Wife said she doesn’t fantasize about anyone when she masturbates!

Ladies I am curious if this is common for women to just enjoy the stimulation form a vibrator or from self-stimulation to achieve orgasm. My wife said that not long ago she was using a g-spot vibrator that she had just gotten and had such a big and hard orgasm that she squirted. I would love for her to share this with me but up to this point she hasn’t. She said she has to get more comfortable before she can do it. I asked her what or who she was fantasizing about during the big-O and she said no one, just enjoyed the stimulation and that was all. I know that I can’t come close if I just thought about the stimulation during masturbation. I have to fantasize in order to get there. Wish it was that easy for me. Is it possible that she is not fantasizing about sex just the stimulation is all it takes?

 

I have no clue/....but I would be worried about your own wife not being comfortable with you watching her masturbate.......seems to me that level of comfort should be had well before marriage

if she cant even diddle herself with you in the room there is no hope of her being honest about who she pictures when she rubs one out

 

I told u many times times chicks lie a lot!

 

Rolling, My wife has always been uncomfortable with sex to some extent. She is a survivor of childhood sexual molestation. Unfortunately It went on for years and the perp is still in our lives. It was her step father, classic profile and example of how bad it can get. When she tried to tell her mom she got mad and made it a family secrete.
My wife struggles even today from the trauma. I am sure this is why she is not comfortable sharing this with me at this point. I am patient with her.

 

guys usually need a visual thing I think to get off. women are more sensation/emotion creatures i think. me... i dont think of anything specific really when i get it on

jassy, I think as adults you can file and send this perp to jail on your own. to hell with that step father. for all we know this bastard is still doing it to other people unknown to you all!

I dont get why anyone would be uncomfortable playing with themselves in front of their freakin husbands or wives... I mean its not like they havent seen you naked or up close and extremely personal. what else y got to hide... ?

 

kurona, I just never thought about the difference between guys being so visual and girls being more sensual. I had always looked at it from a guys stand point. I have to really visualized to get myself there. I wish it was as easy as using a vibe or something.

As for the Perp, who knows what he has done. the statutes of limitations has run out and unless he was to admit to it nothing can be done. To top it off her mom is still married to the guy. He is a classic, when it came out in the family he became a preacher. Sigh!!

I am not sure it would make any difference at this point in her life, she would feel guilty if he did go to jail probably. That is the bad part about abuse they hate and still love the person which caused more confusion yet. It sucks.

 

Sometimes I think about people/situations (I'm a female) and sometimes I don't think about anything, so there is a possibility she is telling the truth. (there is also the possibility she just doesn't want to tell you.)

 

Im a... weird individual and ive seen it from both perspectives and felt the actual chemistry in both and I will say, the differences can be huge. from how your physical body like your skin alone can feel ... ill just say, theres so much that some men will just find it hard to understand about women just because they cannot feel these things themselves and vice versa, you hear about it but 'feeling' it...

sorry about the limitation hitting.

 

i believe her. Orgasm for women is a slow, insidious process. fantasy is for getting us maybe in the mood.
Once we start, we just enjoy that process. We don't need to help it along with mental fantasies.

 

I believe her as well. I guess it just never dawned on me that there was that much difference between the guys and girls in that sense. thanks for you input. I just cant wait for her to share it with me.

 

Sounds like you are getting played.

You are saying on one hand she tells you she masturbates so hard she squirts, to titillate you so you keep on trying. But when it comes to you two doing stuff, pulls out this story, so she doesnt have to

Doesnt fit with what usually happens in actual cases, why use it as a bargaining chip?

Is it actually out in he family?, have you ever heard it from anyone else. Have you ever seen the reaction from the mother when the subject is brought up.

Police, investigators, its not really that hard for them to go over recounts, check dates, spot differences once stories are recounted again, police with decades of experience that can read all those tells in body language. Its a double edged sword, more trauma for those that have gone through it, but those that are telling fibs are going to get caught out.

But then the brutal truth would be she married you knowing she was never going to be attracted to you, so she can control you, and made this up to get sympathy, and so she doesnt have to have sex with you.

Thread basically exists cos you are wondering - hey guys, does this sound right to you. Read up and do some research on line, doesnt fit the profile of what usually happens.

Or put it another way, if in ten years time you were to work out she was saying all this stuff to you, but there were other guys the whole time then what.

The key is the mother, why is she still with him? Does she just roll her eyes?....and the stepfather, the association would not just be him, but all guys like him, your wife shouldnt really be able to get within 10 ft of any guy remotely similar to him

 

I can squirt like a mofo when masturbating. When it comes to two person sex, it's rare. We live with our junk and can work it better than even the most skilled man.
You don't have this junk or personal experience with it so I think you are terribly under qualified to say she's lying.

I also very rarely masturbate to a fantasy man.
It just isn't necessary to get me off.

 

My wife wont even put her hand down her underwear & touch her self when I ask. Don't even think she would touch her bare breasts if I asked her to.
She's just too old fashioned in her ideas on certain sexual acts / techniques & doesn't like the modern ways of stimulation - vibrators etc. Prefers either the real thing (penis) or fingering - not as effective as some sex toys.

 

I think you're making a helluva lot of assumptions...the internet is only the stuff someone decided to write about that was ranked high enough that you were able to see it. Reality is different. Anyone with real experience of these things can tell you it is not that rare, certainly not unrealistic.

 

One feature of childhood sex abuse is that the victim learns to associate sexuality with their abuser. Not only the feelings of being abused, but also the pleasurable physical sensations that come when those parts of her body are being touched. The body learns that touching there feels good and associates those good feelings with the person who is touching them.

It is not unusual for images of the abuser to come unbidden to an adult who has been abused is aroused. And will add to her arousal. The former victim will not seek those images, but they come anyway and they increase her sexual response. (She is not sick. She is injured. This isn't a moral reflection on her. Its something that the perpetrator did to a young girl who grew into a woman.)

The victim will not tell her husband, best friend or anyone about this. Frequently, she won't tell her therapist.

To the OP,
- Do not let some random internet interpretation of other internet rumors lead you to conclude that your wife has been playing you for all these years.

- Do give your wife space to have her own privacy around her sexuality.

- If the abuse is interfering with your marriage (it sounds like it is), insist that she (or both of you) get counseling. This kind of stuff doesn't go away on its own. (Actually, it doesn't go away. But the two of you can learn to deal with it.)

Source: been there, doing that.

 

I think she is shutting you out in some areas.
She could be teaching you or showing you how to make her orgasm with the vibrator or in other ways or letting you watch.
It could also be that she needs to concentrate to orgasm that way and she may want to be alone, but she should explain that to you.

For myself, I usually require some form of mental stimulation or to watch some porn. I can orgasm without fantasy only after I reach a certain height of pleasure.

But MOST of all what came to mind for me, is that - if I had a man around, there is NO way I'd be wasting time masturbating when I could have some dick!!! no, no way.
There is no substitute for a man's penis or the feeling of physical bodies touching and being together.

 

Vanilla Gorilla,

an interesting post!
You sense something you have seen before?

People wrongly assume what is said is the truth, BS and worse happens.

 

I think it makes the world a boring (and inaccurate) place to be when we assume that others think and act like we would. It is really interesting that you two approach the same act in different ways - rejoice in the diversity

 

Most of my masturbation is done while watching porn, so the fantasy side is generally pretty much self apparent, although even then I tend to associate some of the activities with those my own, which can help me to relate to the sensations being experienced by those in the videos.

However, when masturbating away from the P.C., such as while in bed, or in the bath, no matter how much I try, I can't help but relive more of my previous experiences - often combining them in order to create new fictional scenarios, based on a jigsaw of factual ones. Other times they'll be total fantasy, with no bearing on actual real life events whatsoever - often based on erotic dreams I may have had.

Whenever I have such sequences clearly in my mind, I like to write them down in the form of Erotica, for possible future referral. These stories can be accessed on my website, http://erotictotheend.cu.cc/
Each story generally takes about 10 - 15 mins to read - the same amount of time, co-incidentally, as a typical masturbation session.

This is purely for sharing my stories & isn't a commercial venture, so in listing it here isn't spam.

 

Well I don't really think this deserves a comment but here goes. We do have great sex. Nothing was said about not having sex.

I have read for hours about the long term effects of CSA and how it can continue to have influence in peoples lives years later, it is basically all the same no matter what site you read.

She won't go to police. not my choice.

Yes it is out in the family. Yes the perp even admitted to me one day when we were installing a AC unit in my house. "I only touched her vagina one time"!! WOW! Ok I didn't inhale either. That sealed the deal for me. I knew for certain that everything she had told me was true. He also apologized to her for the "inappropriate relationship" ARE YOU FU&^ING KIDDING ME! A 26 YEAR OLD MAN AND A SIX THRU TWELVE YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL IS NOT F-ING RELATIOSHIP. IT IS RAPE OF THE WORST KIND. A CHILD.

I trust her, thou one of the classic things for a survivors of CSA is to have affairs. She said that she would run when things were getting really good for fear she would be left so she would self destruct the relationship beforehand. Even admitted that sex with fling is easier to relax because she didn't have to worry what the other one thought of her. Still I am not worried and if as you say it did happen I would still stick by her if that is what she wanted. If not I would move on.



I am not sure why she (mom) stayed with him. Maybe he lied to her as well and she chose to believe it. When my wife was 10 she tried to tell her mom and she screamed at and slapped at her while in the car asking only if she had sex with him as she kicked her out of the car a few miles form home. What do you think she said? No! She was scared to death and her mom was not coming to her aid. Crap She was left alone with this monster evening and nights for years while the mom worked a grave yard shift at a prison.

Let me ask you something. Can you wake your wife from a sleep by touch? I can't. if I do my wife will scream out and recoil back instinctively from a sleep. hard to make that up.

I only found out about it after 4 years of marriage. I couldn't figure out why she didn't trust me. Then after I found out I understood. How could she trust anyone when the one's she is supposed to trust the most betrayed her in the greatest of ways. He fits the classic profile. Spoil a small child that is lacking in attention and then start with little games of tickle etc. and grooming her along the way. It felt good to get attention. It felt good to get tickled. It felt good until it got out of control and then it still felt good at times. That is the hardest part, the shame and disgust with themselves esp. today. They hate their bodies for responding normally to physical stimulation when they were to young to understand what was going on. She hates that her first and many other orgasms after were form this guy. He would intimidate her with threats of harm to her and everyone in the family as well as putting stuff in her drink to demonstrate that he could hurt her if he chose to. He told her that it was her fault and that everyone would think bad of her. Finally the only way out after years of abuse was to control the one thing in her life she could. FOOD
and yes that is a classic thing for abused women to do. Anorexia. 6 months in the hospital only to be returned back into the home thou things did get better as far as the sexual abuse but the fear increased even more so.

And finally all I have to say to you is your clueless. you have know idea what is going on In our lives and it is offensive some of the stuff you are suggesting. Oh by the way we have been in counseling and I still go every so often to better understand myself as well as my wife and what she went thru as well as how I can help her. She still has nightmares of him raping her as well as everyone that means anything in her life deserting her and leaving her standing alone.

Have no doubt that I believe every word she has told me and I know there is tons more she hasn't spoke of. There are two years of her life that she has know memory of good or bad. This is common as well.