Hello, I am new to this forum. I have never been apart of a sex forum. Recently a situation popped up and I've just been "iffy" about it. On Instagram a page I follow advertised a male toy that simulates blow jobs. I showed my wife and she was all for it due to her hating to give BJs. Even tho this toy could potentially feel good I don't know how I feel about her pleasuring me with toys and no longer doing it herself. She is never really involved sexually anymore.. can't remember last bj and sex is about once every two weeks some times longer and we are only recently 25 been together for 7 years. I feel like I would idk feel dirty or something if she's just pleasing me with toys and that's all we do in our relationship.. so now that we are kinda off topic....... Does anyone else get pleasured mainly by toys? How does that effect your relationship? I'd be all for it if she was more sexual in general. But I feel off about the whole thing but interested in the toys haha...
The OP shows up a week ago, posts a question, and the ghosts. What to think, what to think. Okay I'll bite. At age 25, in the prime of his sex life with this woman for 7 years (since they were teens), and having sex once or twice a month it is not time to start using toys in place of the real thing. Two things come to mind. One, he is awful in bed and she couldn't be bothered by his attempts. Or two, she has no libido and her sex drive is zero. I lean towards his ineptness in the bedroom. In either case being such a young age he doesn't need toys but lessons to teach him the proper way to have sex. If he would try to understand what sex is really all about he may learn something that the 7 year marriage hasn't provided. It looks like sex lessons from a surrogate might be in order. At least some counseling from a certified and licensed therapist.
Hello. So not sure how this site feels about grave digging but I am back. I'm all honesty I forgot I posted here and periodically thru out the year it would pop back up into my head but never looked into it. I found this site now today and decided to check this thread. I actually forgot what I poselted about and when I thought of this site it definitely was not about a sex toy haha. So here we are not quite but close to a year later and the sex life is still extremely slow. Theirs so much to put down so not sure where to start. So first I'll respond to the above post. My sexual ability in the bedroom - I don't know if I'm a johnny sins but I wouldn't say I'm terrible. She doesn't talk.. she doesn't tell me what she wants. Random things that come to mind right now, I'm gonna sound alike an idiot because I don't know the right words here but I think it's a tilted pelvis or something along those lines. I personally would say I have a decent penis but I am unable to use it all due to pain which is fine I "think" she likes basically the tip and a tiny bit deeper than that and then from there nice and slow back and forth... She doesn't like any other position other than missionary. I've asked her a million times what she likes and all sorts of stuff and I never get an answer. Never initiates ever, and for me to get any sort of sexual pleasure would come after like full body massages or cunningulus. Which I honestly enjoy, but not if I am to never reciever anything back ever. And it's not like I would expect it back everytime but never? Another story now... So when I made this post back in June we had a child he would be 9 months old at the time of this. Now she wants another kid which I do to. We waited until February because that's what was needed to sign up for short term disability and stuff. Tales alot about it before February and we were excited and stuff but I also brought up my foolish concerns about if she's so tired now I can even imagine what it's gonna be like with a second kid so goodbye sex life and energy and free time. Like it just didn't sound like a good idea granted I suppose I'm not tooooo worried about it all it's just going to be a challenge obviously... February came and I think we were pregnant before the second week. It was rough because I was worried about the energy thing and then even tho she wanted a baby SO BAD she was putting in no effort. Wasn't initiating sex. I had to do "all the work" we only did missionary because she doesn't like any other position and yadadada. So now she's pregnant. And this forum is the only people that know lol... I pretty much regret it big time, we haven't had sex since she found out about it around 2-2.5 weeks ago. And I think I wouldn't regret it so much if she would just start being sexually active. My bedroom skills might suck but I really think it's her never being in the mood EVER. She doesn't know how I feel really besides me not talking about it I guess.. last night she put my hand on her belly when we were sleeping. When we started dating like everyother couple it was amazing... Sex everywhere and anytime.. just flying thru condoms and such. Quickly started to die off... And that was years ago. We talk about it probably once a month cause I'm so sick of it and I imagine soon enough I won't want sex anymore but it just sucks now.. and she just doesn't listen or understand.. theirs never a solution. But that's all I can think of for right now. That's my sex life with the love of my life who I truly want to spend the rest of it with... I just wish she was my little slutty freak or something lol.
Glad to see that you came back and added information to your dilemma. I stand by my initial suspicion about either your ineptness or her lack of desire, maybe a combo of both. Plus adding to the story of her experiencing pain is a big revelation. Ask yourself if you do something that hurts would you want to continue doing it? Certainly not and she doesn't want your cock in her pussy because it hurts. You need to find out why this is. Some women experience pain with intercourse and don't know how to overcome it and are embarrassed because of it. Missionary position may be the least painful for her which is why she doesn't want to try anything else. If you can solve this she may just end up fucking your cock right off the front of your body. One thing I did see was that you have given her a precious gift. How I know this is your comment of her placing your hand on her womb that is holding your child. I can tell by this she is thrilled being pregnant. You both know how to have sex because early on you stated it was fantastic. Then what happened to change that? Did you stop the romantic pursuit? Many women do not know how to have sex much less enjoy it. Mothers don't teach and society frowns on promiscuous women. But a man who beds multiple women is considered a stud (ie: Johnny Sins). Then many men stop the romantic pursuit once they have the "I do's" done. The problem is you want sex when you want it and could it be only how you want it? She wants something out of having sex and this time around it was to be with child. There's no doubt in my mind you, or maybe both of you, need counseling from a certified and licensed therapist. A few posts on this forum will never match just one hour with a professional. Since you were able to find this forum you certainly can find a therapist that you can speak to. This is the direction I would go. From there you will gain the tools needed to become more sexually active with her.
I think you are correct. I have a feeling I should stick it out until the baby is born and then bring up the therapy only due to this process being extremely draining. She brought it up last night how I don't seem interested in this baby vs our first so we talked about it, and cried together. Hopefully talking helped but it usually doesn't. But we shall see. Thank you.
While you two abstain from intimacy during the pregnancy (something I do not recommend) it might be a good time to seek that counseling. I sense a defeatist attitude coming from you by your comments saying talking doesn't help. A good therapist will help with the ability to communicate with her and reassure her of your love for both her and your next child. You are right in that pregnancy will be draining both physically and mentally. Have a therapist help you load your tool box with what's needed to support her during this most wonderful time of her, and your, life.
