Wife cheated, need input

He obviously does not want to leave her so it isn't your problem. It is his and we are just strangers putting in our 2 cents here. We do not know her or him. You do what you want in your relationships Bonkai but the crux of life is this, "You can not trust anyone 100% of the time." People make mistakes. People cheat and people lie. To demand perfection is just unreasonable. What upsets you does not upset everyone. I would be more upset about the secretiveness and lies of the cheater more than the act of cheating. I agree with you what she did was terrible but I do not agree with advising a stranger to leave a woman that I do not even know.

 

My ex cheated on me once... She was forgiven. She cheated on me a second time and she became an ex. It's a personal choice what you do and how much you can trust for the future.

 

Never said it was my problem, just gave advice of which he asked of everyone not just of you or I. Secretiveness and cheating (like i said before communication has to be valued), are pretty much hand in hand, so I would not agree with advising a stranger to stay with a woman who cheated whom you don't even know :devil: If you ever thought you could trust someone 100% you're a fool or just delusional, that's what you go by their track record IE the evidence by their actions.

Either way, all options should be on the table when someone fucks up in such magnitude as it's hard to climb up a hill once you've already hit the slope.

 

You seem to be confusing two different things. Every single relationship of mine has been open to some extent or at some point, and yet I have never ever cheated on anyone ever.

I don't even do the emotional cheating, that is so common among monogamous couples (flirting, innuendo, complaining about my partner, nightlife dancing cheating, fucking people with my eyes my partner is next to me, internet cheating, etc.). I'm super straight and narrow, and super respectful of my partners, and that is exactly why it is so important to me that my relationships be open.

So, I'm both not possessive at all and incredibly strict about not being lied to or having my feelings disregarded. There's no chance in hell I would ever deal with this chick again. Or the friend.

cheating < open

 

I see your point. I left the one guy who I caught cheating on me because he was not honest and controlling. I always suspected my ex husband cheated on me a few times but he never admitted it. His other ex wife told me he had cheated on me, with her. It even gets harder when you don't know but you see hints that it is happening. At least this person knows he was cheated on and won't be in the dark.

You are right. I am just exhausted from stress and healing and not thinking strait. I should think more before I post. I have always been honest with my spouses about how I feel. My spouses have not always been honest with me which is why i left every lover I have been with but some times I think I do not work on the relationships hard enough. No one has ever left me but I fail at having the patience to share my life with another person for very long.

 

Maybe his fiance, would be up for revenge, and give you a blow job.

 

I think that his fiance wants to have a group talk about the situation is a good idea.

But in regards to forgiving your wife, I think you should with time.

Keep in mind I peronsally SEPARATE the issue of staying married from forgiveness.

I might love them, but if they've broken my trust there's no going back to the way things were. I'd get out before kids are involved but I can only speak for myself.

In any case, I think the average grieving time for an issue like this is 6 months in the doghouse to whomever cheated.


At the very least make an exit plan so you get the legal property and financial split that you want. Whether you act on this or not is your choice, but if you give her a 2nd chance and she cheats again, at least you have legal recourse in court to gain the monetary and property you want if a future divorce occurs.

 

This.

 

keep your friends close
and your enemies even closer
while your keeping everyone so close and comfortable
perhaps study up on poisons

cause you about to figure some things
that will require you being prepared
youve been set up
your friends are attempting to pervert you
there is no greater forgivness than death

 

So sorry that happened to you. It's your personal choice. Would you consider marital counselling if you were to stay with her? Cheating causes terrible trust issues that can linger for years destroying the relationship completely. I personally think that a drunken kiss is a moment of weakness. A blowjob when you were out for a few minutes is in a whole different league. You deserve better than that. If you want to have a group talk with the fiance about the whole situation and you think it would be helpful than do it. If you're not ready for it, just take some time to think over it for yourself.xxxx

 

Wife: "I don't know what happened. I just fell over and all of a sudden I was sucking his cock. I swear nothing like this has ever happened before."

You see how stupid that sounds? Not only did she cheat on you, but she also lied to you when explaining it, and insulted your intelligence by doing so. Do you really still want to be with a woman like that?

 

switch fiances/wives. clearly the best solution to this fucked up matter.

 

do you have any updates, BareFootHiker?

 

anwer is obvious. the friend's wife wants to get together to talk about it.. i'd say "i think we (you + friend's wife) should have sex to even the score. otherwise i want a divorce"

 

No that's bullshit. The only kind of cheating that can ever POSSIBLY be forgiven is if you two had a terrible fight and she thought it was over, got piss-faced drunk and got into it with some random guy. Nothing less than that is forgivable.

She had a moment of weakness in a few minutes and suddenly needed to suck a dick? If she's that weak that if some attractive guy (I'm assuming he's at least attractive, because that limits how many guys she'd fall on her knees for) is anywhere near her, it's a possibility she'll do that to you...then she's a waste of your time.

My fiance can see a pretty girl and take a glance and then be done with it, go home and take off my clothes and be happy with having sex with only me. And I can do the same for him. If you don't have that then you have nothing.

 

if shes ''blowing'' him who else is she blowing ....once is enough youll always be on edge with it not knowing a short time of hellish pain while getting over her or a life time of 2nd best you choice

as for him track him down and beat him .he knew you was together and over stepped the mark whoop his arse

 

Lying is worse than cheating..

 

it's not the cheating that you have to forgive her for...it's the trust that was violated. you have to ask yourself...can you ever trust her again. if you feel that you can or are willing to try you have to do a couple of things.
first, never leave her alone with the friend again, period.
second, have her give you access to her email, phone and other internet accounts so you can "check on her"
third, counseling so you can regain her trust.
without these your relationship is doomed...just speaking from experience.

 

That's some bad shit you walked in on. Dump wife n best friend. I suspect they only regret getting caught. You will find it hard but you are stronger than the shit you thought of as friends