Wierdest reasons for not coming into work.

Ive fallen......and I dont want to get up

 

I got into the airplane glue instead of the Vicks vapor rub and felt a little odd.

 

Im starting a band man, Im devoting myself to the metal

 

my unicorn is running late

 

"I've decided I need to take a day off as a form of protest by denying an overly corrupt governmental system my financial support by way of one days worth of my tax dollars."

 

my escape tunnel has been comprimized

 

I stepped in dog poo and could not get it off for hours. It was a big dog.

 

ice blizzard

 

im having extramarital relations

 

My cats got up into my face while i was sleeping last night, and sucked away my breath, so i have to stay home and breathe today.

 

my car fell on a tree

 

i had to haul heiny out of town because a gang of armed ruffians was after me, because one of their members was shot in the house i was living in, and then ran out into the front yard, keeled over, and died.

The true horror of ^that^ excuse? It was actually true

 

I was putting up posters, my chair ran away.
A stampede of purple rubber duckys swarmed into the streets and were eating the paint off the cars!
The police were searching my car.

 

my thumb is stuck in the vaccuum cleaner

 

My lesbian girlfriend had a headache.

 

I got hurt jacking

 

i have to stay home and babysit my Mom and Dad today 'cuz the regular sitter got sick.

 

Ate too much chiili

 

forgot all about it...

 

Im playing "one of these things is not like the other...one of these things does not belong"