Wierdest reasons for not coming into work.

my ass cracked

 

Im on the Titanic!!! and we all know it sinks

 

having my nipples waxed

 

Poked myself in the eye with a four foot wart.

 

spending the day jerking......



















beef

 

I've fallen into a hole that runs straight to the core of the earth.

 

i ate too much cheese

 

because my toes are froze

 

I slipped on dog shit, and fell off a ledge into a dumpster and rolled out onto a pile of manure on my way to work.

 

my tongue is stuck to the flagpole

 

I actually used a landslide as an excuse not to go to work

 

shaving my corns

 

I got voted off the island.

 

Im being detained at the border

 

im in Russia dammit, and im not paying for roaming charges gotta go!

 

God told me not to

 

Forgot everything I once knew while over in Amsterdam...

 

I'm reading a kid's book to a room full of second grader's.

 

I had an aneurism burst in my big toe

 

I have a gun......