Wierdest reasons for not coming into work.

I have no memory of ever working at said place of work.

 

Don Knotts marathon on Turner Classic Movie Network.

 

someone stole my keys

 

accidentally drank bleach

 

There are too many ostriches in my driveway.

 

got boogers chasin me around the cabin...

 

I accidentally shut my pantleg in the car door.

 

I'm performing some maintenance
I'll be back in 15 minutes.

 

someone applied wood glue to my toilet seat

 

I'm burning toast

 

my dog needs a shoulder to lay on

 

i woke up next to a 12pack of brew

 

I had a vision.....and it told me to stay home

 

I can't find my clothes

 

My kitty was afraid to be home alone.

 

no clean underwear

 

my ankle bracelet wont let me

 

I weighed my choices, getting high sounds so much better!

 

I swallowed my watch and need to wait for time to pass

 

I've have more important things to do here