Why would you not breastfeed?

There's no reason to be so defensive. Pointing out common misunderstandings about breastfeeding, whether it be one baby or twins, is not a criticism of all women who didn't breastfeed. I don't see where I've made any derogatory comments. We all know that our knowledge of breastfeeding and the importance of breast milk have advanced over the years. We also know and understand that everyone's life or medical situations are not condusive to breastfeeding.

I agree. Being pregnant for the first time and planning to breastfeed I have been subject to all kinds of misinformation about breastfeeding. Not only that but a complete lack of support by women (both mothers and not) in my social circle and at work. It has been important for me to know all the facts and take advantages of all resources available to be to be able to filter out the misunderstandings and most common, yet inaccurate assumptions I've come across (and had myself) about breastfeeding. Especially when I hear them literally over and over from just about every angle.

 

BTW, seems to be the way the world works: you want to breastfeed, but you cant.
You want a child but you can't have one.

So, someone who doesn't want a child gets pregnant.
Someone who doesnt intend on breastfeeding is more than capable of doing so.

It's the irony of life. Ohhhhhhh well.

 

lol yeah... Murphy's law

It just seems such a huge thing for mother though, all this mama bashing.like its a trend on the rise... Thousands of people butting in on your business telling you how it 'should' be done, instead of how it 'could' be done and offering support with WHATEVER you choose.

I was speaking to one pregnant woman the other day and I was shocked an astounded to hear the array of conflicitng advice she had been given about what she should do with HER baby and HER body. No matter what she does, shes screwed in some way, someone will always tell her shes doing it wrong.

And complete strngers feel they have the right to lift up her shirt AND RUB HER TUMMY!!!!

Now if thats not an exampole of how a womans body is stolen from her I dont know what is.

Its like we're not even allowed to own our own bodies. Theyre just battlefields up for grabs for anyones agenda.

If at the end of the day, a woman can rear a happy healthy child, then shes done a brilliant job, no matter how she got there.

 

nobody is attacking anyone in this thread. There are some very common misconceptions about nursing, and I feel compelled to refute them. Nobody is at fault when they lack the support or the information that is very necessary in order to successfully breastfeed in most circumstances. Most women I know lack one or usually both of those things. Very few women are blessed to never have come across any problems, to never be told any lies/mistruths about nursing, or to have a really good support network. Most women I know who tried, and failed, to breastfeed had started supplementing with formula, which turned a perceived problem into very real low milk supply. And I know firsthand just how hard it is to get your milk supply back after supplementing makes it go away. Nobody ever told me it would be so hard, and nobody understood why I kept trying instead of just giving up and switching to formula. I, for one, could never blame any woman for not breastfeeding after giving it any effort at all. I know how hard it can be. But those women who place their wants before their babies' needs, I simply cannot understand that way of thinking at all.

 

It's your body it's YOUR choice, thats that.

 

Yeah, it's your choice. No one is refuting that. What I want to know is why a woman, a MOTHER, would put her own wants in front of the health and safety of her child?

 

I consider myself very lucky because I can breastfeed easily, I've had tons of milk with both kids, and the thrived quickly. But, I spent many tears and hours with my best friend as she tried and tried to breastfeed her two children. She just would not produce milk. She would pump for hours a day, and only get a few drops. She tried many natural remedies, but she wouldn't produce milk. So both her boys were given formula and at 8 and 10 are rarely sick and very smart.

My sister tried breastfeeding her first two children. She has inverted nipples and was in a lot of pain trying. So when her 3rd and 4th, she chose to bottle feed.

My niece was grossed out by breastfeeding, so she chose to bottle feed.

Everyone has their own personal reasons. Like I said, I consider myself lucky that it came so naturally to me and my children. Breastfeeding is not an easy thing. With my son, I was in tears for 7 weeks because I had blisters. It is hard because no one can help you feed your baby, which makes it impossible to get out alone. There are many many reasons for not breastfeeding and as mothers we shouldn't judge people for their choices.

 

I don't think anyone was attacking anyone in this thread. Pointing out misinformation isn't the same as saying someone who didn't breastfeed or believed they couldn't was a horrible mother. I think they are just saying that there is a lot of misinformation and has been for many years and we'd like to have as many mothers informed to be able to make a good decision.

For instance I had a friend who was pregnant, and I merely asked her if she was going to breastfeed, she said she didn't think so. I told a her two or three things about it and I let her make her decision. I was hoping she would look up the things I told her but she didn't. She had the baby, she formula fed, then a few months later she brought up the issue and I told her more and she said she wished she would have breastfed. I told her it probably wasn't too late and that she should try, but she didn't. She's still one of my best friends, and I don't think she's a horrible mother, but she's very misinformed and she's doing what she thinks is best, but she's only learning things when that phase is over.

My mom didn't breastfeed me, she thought formula was best and that's what she did. She co-bathed and cloth diapered me because she thought those were the best things to do. I think this is all about getting the information.

And people who don't want kids who are saying they wouldn't breastfeed are a little off-topic. If you don't want kids of course you don't want to breastfeed, who cares. This thread is not for you.

 

I don't see any attacks either. It gets me, though, when the FACTS about something like breastfeeding are seen by some as "offensive." Breastfeeding is BETTER for the baby and the mother, that is a FACT. Yes, some mothers simply cannot breastfeed, but as an LC, I can tell you with all certainty that the "Don't want tos" outweight the "aren't able tos" about 1,000 to 1.

It astounds me that I have worked with womyn who had NO problems breastfeeding and just threw it away for no reason. (It pissed me off like womyn who COULD have had vaginal births and had "convenience" C Sections.) And I have seen other mothers try so hard it was nearly killing them and couldn't do it. I saw one mother not long ago, and her dh and her mother were there. She was claiming "I have no milk." Well, we got the baby latched, and he took SIX OUNCES in one feeding. Her mother was crying with joy, her husband was nearly in tears with joy (as she had been telling them for 3 days that she "had to" supplement, because she had no milk.) I glanced at the womyn, while I was announcing the weight gain after the feed, and she looked like she had just bitten into a lemon. At the moment I thought "Oh, she must be really stressed." ect. An hour later, the baby fed again (he was obviously having his 7 day growth spurt) and we got a FOUR OUNCE gain, with three minutes on one breast!!!! Again, she had the lemon face on.

Her mother was thankful I was there, her father gave me a cake and they paid me extra (I really did little except to help the mother find a more comfortable feeding position and do pre and post feed weighs) and I left pretty happy. Called the next day, no one answers. BAD news in the Lactation department. Mamas with 4 day old babies don't go out, especially all day. Either someone is sick, or she isn't answering. I tried that after noon, no answer. Finally, I called on my cell, and her husband answers nad he's really upset, "Something happened, I don't understand...." I talk to her, and find out she has only nursed the baby ONCE since I saw her 36 hours earlier. I asked why. "My milk dried up." Uh, I don't think so. We all saw that baby nursing like a champ, we all saw the amount of milk the baby was transfering on the scale, it was obvious the baby was swallowing and I could feel her breast changing during the feeding. ALL good signs. She was insisting her "milk dried up" that night, not more than 4 hours after I left. I offered to come over right away, and we would examine her, try to feed the baby again, and do an other pre and post feed weigh. "NO" she said, "My milk is gone." Two days later she calls me in tears, "Maggie, I'm in so much pain from these breasts all hard. And that gross milk is leaking all over the place. Can you give me something to dry me up?" I explained that, no, we don't give things to "dry people up" and that perhaps feeding the baby would be the best thing to do. "NO MY MILK DRIED UP ON IT'S OWN." Jeez. I asked her then, why was she so engorged. She had no answer and said the nanny was there, and she had to go.

It became quite obvious why this womyn looked like she was going to strangle me when I announced that the baby had taken a large quantity of milk from her and that breastfeeding had a very good outlook for the two of them.

OF COURSE, now she has her excuse to tell everyone "And my mom paid for a lactation consultant and everything and my milk just dried up. So, I am one of those people who wasn't meant to breastfeed." THIS is the profile the most common "reason" people who say they "couldn't" breastfeed. This womyn (and so many like her) have EVERY OPPORTUNITY to nurse their babies. They have the ability, their breasts make the milk, the baby is healthy and willing. They have the support. They CHOOSE an inferior food source. When I see THIS and then see a mama like Hollly, who tried SOOOOO hard, it almost killed her, and had everything beyond her control I get so upset. Why couldn't Holly have had that ungrateful womyn's suppy? Sometimes it just ain't fair. And as someone who has heard EVERY excuse for not nursing a baby,and knows there are only a FEW real ones, I have a right to get mad. Especially when most of the time people don't have the guts to say "I didn't want to. Convenience and my interpretation of comfort for myself was more important." If people aren't going to try, at least they should be honest.

I AM gonna shut up now. But, stating FACTS should never "make people feel bad" or be "offensive" to anyone, IF THEY KNOW they did what was right. The only people "offended" to hear breastfeeding benefits are those who would rather NOT hear them.

Amen, sister. Can I get a witness?

 

Just offering my point of view, seeing as it's a free-speach forum I'm within my right to do so.

 

Of course it is. Seeing as it is an Alternative Parenting Forum you may see a lot of disagreement with Status Quo, unnatural opinions. But, you are free to express them.

 

When I was in my early 20's, working on a postpartum floor in a hospital, I helped as best as I could get babies latched on. We had a LC there for when women or babies had problems with bf. I, however, decided that I would never breastfeed, because I didn't want my perfect breasts to get saggy. A couple of years later when I got pregnant, those hormones kicked in, natural instinct took over, and all of a sudden, I wanted to breastfeed my baby, and I did. Before pregnancy I had also announced that I wouldnt want to stay home (from working) with a baby, and that my feelings on that changed too. Even before I had him, the thought of taking him to a daycare just made me sick. That's nature.

(And afterwards, my breasts werent saggy!)
I bf my second child also, and still, no saggy breasts. Well, they are saggy now, 10 years later, but that's a different story. :daisy:

 

except its not, its the Womens Issues forum......

 

And so disagreement with the status quo is not allowed here? Or somehow criticism of mothers who didn't breastfeed?

You are free to point out any derogatory comments or attacks made by any poster if you like, but pointing out common misconceptions is not criticism of any individual and no reason to take offense.

 

of course its allowed.

I can sense some negativity in this thread

I honestly just think its really annoying when women critisise other women for what is none of their business.... like suggesting that having a c section is taking the 'easy way out'... yes... cos, you know, major surgery is so much fun... not to mention the often brutal scars left behind as a result. Last i checked, the idea of forcing a football sized object out of your vagina, and tearing it apart for the brut force didnt sound too appealing, so if you dont want to do it, I dont see whats wrong with that.

"Oh I'm sorry, havng a baby isnt enough for you mam, you must unecessarly endure pain against your wishes for me to consider you anything other than slack!"

We shouldnt have to feel such gulit about decsisions we make about our own bodies

 

firstly,retrogroovegirl, the issue with elective cesareans or the bullying of women into having them, or the skyrocketing c-section rate in general is a WHOLE OTHER BAG OF APPLES. If I hear one new mom tell me, "they told me my baby was too big , so I had a c-section" I am gonna scream. When you chose to have a baby you should be responsible for educating yourself on all the aspects of having a baby, In fact, MOST people are misinformed in general about breastfeeding and hide behind that ingorance when someone confronts them with facts. If you are confident in your decision not to, then when you read these posts you won't get all po'd because you stand behind your decision. I think the people getting the most off-ended are the ones who feel deep down, they made a bad decision not to breastfeed. Or at least didn't try to breastfeed.

 

lola, i'm going to disagree with you on the whole not listening to a doctor when it comes to c-sections because if your baby is too big and you force yourself to have the baby naturally your child could become mentally retarded. it happened to my cousin. the doctor did not mention that a c-section should be used. her baby had multiple seizures during birth and now is mentally retarded. i would have a c-section if i was told because it is not worth the possible dangers.

 

That is one case. Women are told things like that every day. I am sorry for your cousin, but there are many woman who are told thay can't give birth because of their size and then go on to have larger babies vaginally. But the c-section topic is a lot to discuss and this topic is breastfeeding.

 

When many people feel something is "none of anyone's business" in my life, they choose not to post their sob story on a a PUBLIC forum. If it's on the forum, it is fair game to be dealt with, ESPECIALLY if the opinion is based on untrue, outdated information.

It has also been estimated that 80% or more of the C Sections in the USA are unneccesary medically. I've had FOUR of them, I would have done anything to have a vaginal birth. But, "choosing" to risk your and your baby's life by having unneccesary major surgery because the idea of an infant coming out through your vagina makes you feel Icky isn't a reason for those risks. In LOW RISK situations, the death rate for infants AND mothers during and after C Sections is FOUR TIMES HIGHER than in low risk vaginal births.

Retro, how many kids have you had again....? You haven't BEEN there, you don't' know the feelings, you don't know the procedures, you don't know mothering, you ARE entitled to your "opinion" abaout something you have no experience with, and to make "Decisions" about things you have never lived through, but be prepared to have people who KNOW what they are talking about correct and disagree with you, especially when the opinions and outdated "facts" you express are decades out of date.

Post any opinion you like. It's certainly your perrogative. But, be ready for those who may have more experience with the situation to say something, if your posts are not factual or workable.

You don't see me in the Veggie forum, or the S&M Forums telling people my uneducated Opinions about thier livestyles, and stating "facts" from 20 years ago, (despite teh fact that I am not a Veg*an and also do not practice S&M, but would then assume I can go in there and tell them what's what) and then pitching a wobbly because people are "mean" to me and are "judging" me. :leaving: :leaving:

 

Bumble, I am sorry for what happened to your cousin. However, even though C Sections have INCREASED greatly in the last 20 years, the "mental retardation" rate, the cerebral palsy rate, and the birth injury rate has not DECREASED, in fact, these have INCREASED even as "elective" C Sections become more common.

A C Section should ONLY be used when a mother or baby are in danger, real danger. That should be no more than between 1 and 5% of births. Many hospitals have a FIFTY PERCENT C SECTION RATE. This protects no one, it doesn't reduce the "mental retardation" rate (most causes of mental retardation are either chromosonal or Enviromental, not birth related) all the increased rate does is to reduce the amount of time the doctors and staff have to spend with a birthing mother. A C Section can take less than an hour, a first labor can easily take 48 hours or more. MOST sections are done out of convenience, not "safety."

I have friends who are nurses, there are hospitals where they tell me "You never see a vaginal birth on a Sunday or a Holiday here, unless the baby is crowning in the parking lot." What does THAT mean? Does that protect babies or mothers in any way? Or is it Staff not wanting to sit through an entire labor, when there is a Thanksgiving Turkey at home waiting for them?