Hi, so I'm an 18 year old college male that's in the closet bisexual and I literally just can't take it anymore. I've been like in love with my friend for over three years now and I think he feels the same but obviously its not easy to just come out and ask him you know plus hes a year younger and still in high school which makes it tougher. I just feel so lonely and desperate inside and I'm afraid to tell people because I have a lot of friends I guess and I don't want to deal with having to hear everyone's opinions while having nobody to turn to. I know I gotta get this over with soon and tell people and this kid soon because I literally can't do this anymore its so sickening how judgmental people are and that they cause people to feel like this. Its literally a living hell. Ugh. Sorry for the rant I just felt like saying that I just can't connect with people until they know my real sexuality it makes me feel alienated and extremely sexually frustrated.
Why wouldn't you calm down a notch or two? Why would the rest of the world really be interested in your sexual orientation? When you come to think about it, they don't give a flyin'... Those who find you attractive will let you know somehow. Those who want to gossip about it may be better off doing something more productive. Use the time, energy and the strength you have to the best of your abilities. Give your future BF time to reach adulthood. Focus on achieving the good things in life. Leave declarations and self-revelations to those who have nothing better to show. KD
I know I just feel so worthless and trapped I hate this feeling and I wanna tell him how I feel just to get it over with but its hard because that would just kill my ego and make me really look like shit. It just sucks I can't describe how terrible this feeling is I'm so stuck and when you feel insecure about everything its so hard to open up to people and love them.
Ok, so suppose he was bisexual and actually didn't requite your feelings at all? I think you're projecting onto your sexuality something which is a really bad idea whether you're bisexual or not. And that is, pinning all your hopes on someone you don't have solid evidence likes you back. Are you in college now? How about going out with a few guys whom you actually know are gay? Who knows, you might meet someone who's actually into you.
Im a college freshman. I know I sort of just wanna move into the city and start a new life but I'm stuck in a town where everyone knows everyone and I'm super close to all of my bestfriends so like I just wanna tell them and kinda forget this kid and move on you know. I dont know...I'm just confused. I'm not trying to sound like some idiot I just can't explain myself I guess
You can tell them, just be aware you're not entitled to their approval any more than they're entitled to your personal life. I wish you luck.
I know I gotta get this over with soon and tell people and this kid soon because I literally can't do this anymore its so sickening how judgmental people are and that they cause people to feel like this. It will help if you take this time to realize an important (crucial, actually) truth about how we human beings interact. Bearing this in mind from now on will change your life for the better. It is this: other people cannot "make" or "cause" us to feel the emotions we feel. YOU are in control of that, always. Eleanor Roosevelt's famous quote is, "No one can make me feel inferior without my permission." Realize, young man, that we choose how we will react, or feel, about all such things. An extreme example might make it clear. Suppose a man's mother, who has for years lived in another city, passes away. Does the death of his mother "make" him feel grief? No - obviously not, because at the instant of her death, he doesn't know she's died. He could be laughing uproariously at a joke someone just told. Now, when he learns of her death, it is normal and expected that he will be terribly upset and he may grieve for years. Any of us probably would. But there's no guarantee that every person will react this way. We know that some parent-child relationships barely exist at all. Maybe the man doesn't even remember his mother! He would react differently, and how he reacts will depend upon how he chooses to process the thing that has happened. Same thing with the first man. He would understandably choose to grieve, because he loved his mother. But it was NOT the death itself that "made" him grieve. Just as this is true, it's also true that people cannot "make" us feel terrible. Tell yourself that YOUR opinion of yourself is far more important than THEIR opinion of you. This way, you can then CHOOSE not to be upset. When you master this habit of valuing your opinion of you over others' opinions of you, you will have made a HUGE step forward in becoming a more mature and happier human being. No longer can others "make" you mad. Or make you feel guilty. Or anything else! Understand that people don't "make" you happy either. You must CHOOSE to feel happiness when something good happens. Even though anyone might be happy about whatever it is, it is not the thing itself that "makes" them happy. We don't have a button on our forehead that some other person can push and "make" us feel anything. If this is difficult to take in, find a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer, called "Your Erroneous Zones." It is all about this idea, and some others equally important. This book is short and easy to read, and it will change your life - I promise. Best wishes! Bela
Hey, Arabmoney, You can google gender alternative chat rooms and websites to get help and find support, and your campus should have some sort of club or place where you could find like-minded individuals and hang out. Bisexuals are usually gender androgynous (mixed traits from both genders), with conflicting gender hormones that can make you feel flipped out sometimes. On the positive side, they often have high IQs and are creative. Most/many very great writers, artists, and musicians have conflicted personalities http://viewzone2.com/fingers.html http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2011/02/the-complexity-of-the-creative-personality/ Inexpensive Walmart 5-htp capsules, magnesium and B complex vitamins, eating fish, getting sunshine, and outdoor exercise make me feel calmer. Also, males can be prone to falling in love hard, then feeling desperate and lost without their "center." That's how many great books and love songs get written! Hanging around college people like you can help, and you might even fall in love with someone in your age group. But making big orientation declarations might bring persecution which can be avoided if you discuss personal matters mostly with people you know are supportive. You could also fall in love with a female, so no reason to alienate conservative family friends prematurely.
