When starting out in the workforce the lad or lass is usually paired up with the experienced worker. The trainer has been there, done that, and passing knowledge along to the trainee. But when it comes to beginning your sex life it's usually two kids fumbling with each other. My getting good lessons with an older partner was a blessing that has lasted a lifetime. But yet this is actually frowned upon by many. I wonder why that is. What's wrong with being tutored in sex by an older woman or man? I'm not asking about learning how babies are made but how you learned what to do to make your partner enjoy sex and feel good about it. How did you learn about sex?
Having the option of a mentor would make so much rational sense for a young person's confidence and to learn - we teach kids so much other supposedly important stuff but apparently anything approaching relationships or sex is impossible to consider. I've long thought the same thing. Was it the ancient Greeks or Romans that had every soldier mentored by an older colleague (including in sexual ways)? To answer the question, I honestly can't really remember - I had little early fumbling experience, no older siblings or friends telling me stuff, no Internet to do your own research back then... In my early 20s I had a few close female friends who I talked to a lot, but not in crazy detail. I can only think I've pieced my understanding together from the thousands of comments and tidbits of info you hear in passing, prior to actually gaining some experience of my own and figuring it out from that. How sad.
I figure sex is simply not a high priority for a vast majority of people. However work and career is our livelihood. Anyone on a forum like this would put sex pretty high on the priority list I think. I'm guessing others, sex is just a routine thing like washing clothes. Same thing every time. Or a means to achieve and end - family and kids. Nothing more.
Let me be clear. First, I see absolutely nothing wrong with a mentor, as long as it’s done with a high level of protection against child abuse. Child abuse should not be tolerated. That said, There are cultures that exist where a aunt will teach younger boys. Even have sex with them. In today’s internet, children are learning a distorted view of sex from porn. This leads to a mental disconnect between sex and a relationship. I do believe sex mentors could be useful. Late adolescence boys could be taught so many things regarding a woman body. Girls could be taught about their own body, how to protect it, and how “it” is to be respected. Western, puritan beliefs are so twisted. Families want to protect their children(I got that) and at the same time they allow their children to uneducated in life skills.
Looking back on my youth I wish I had had an older mentor. Never had one. I fumbled through a couple of girls my age, and it was clumsy. In my mid 20's I started an affair with a married gal my age. She had been around the block a lot before she got married, and her husband paid her no attention. My first time with her I was over excited and came quickly. She said not to worry, that the next time would be more relaxed. She was right, and over the next year she taught me so much about sex and making love to a woman. She divorced, and we were together for the next three years. Over the years I've used those lessons in mentoring other women. My wife (she's two years older) is one of those. We grew together and I opened her eyes to so many possibilities. I did have the opportunity to "mentor" a much younger gal years ago, but as much as I wanted to, I was married so that was a no go.
Your leaving out the woman when relating to the male response to sex. A good mentor, male or female, can pass along experience to young adults in how to please a partner of either gender. Young men and women need to be taught about their body and the body of their partner too. It's not about her asking "Will you respect me after?"
I can see where that could work after age 18 however unfortunately there is so much potential to go wrong, take the Malawi sex worker “hyena’s”, teachers, priests, that dirty uncle for example. More importantly why is Sex education all about how to or how not to procreate. About time the world cut out the bullshirt and taught useful stuff like women more often then not don’t get a lot from PIV, the clit is here (helpful diagram), Men and women don’t need a penis involved for them to orgasm, sex toys are a girls best friend (not diamonds), men cant help but look and women cant help but like being looked at, women’s desire decrease’s after 3 years of a relationship and sometimes some penis’s and vagina’s are not compatible. I’ve alway’s thought that there should be a sex club/brothel for women 18+ to try out whatever they want in safety. My mother was pretty open about sex growing up, learning with partners, I’m still learning about sex now and hopefully I’ll still be learning when I’m 80.
My older brother told me about girls and sex and other boys my age talked about it. None of them had any actual experience. So when the opportunity came along a horny girl and I figured it out. Then we practiced and practiced, exploring new things and rumors from other boys and girls. We each learned what the other liked and I applied what I learned from her to other girls. I had a good sex life through high school and went to college at the beginning of the Sexual Revolution. The Joy of Sex was published about a year after I was married and my wife and I tried everything in the book. After we divorced I used a couple of decades of learning to have a very happy sex life with lots of variation including discovering my bisexual side.
My hs girl friend was vanilla we had sex sure, but I didn’t realize how vanilla she was until my senior year when we split up. I started seeing a nurse that was 22 she was a fantastic teacher and I was very eager to learn. The most important lesson was learning to be patient to take my time pleasing a woman. She was my first for many things.
I had a much older guy in my late teens and it was amazing. I now think that’s when I really became a woman! He taught me so much. I’d recommend it to all young women (over 18 though)
I was a very late starter, but when I finally got to have sex and told the girl that was my first time, she sort of took it upon herself to introduce me to as much as possible and try things out. She already knew she was leaving for the other side of the world in just over 4 weeks time, so she skilled me up a bit for my future benefit, very thoughtful as well as fun. It was a lot later than I would have wanted, but kind of perfect in the way it worked out.
I would say woman needs to be willing and daring to try. I had sex with a woman in her mid-20s, the only way she’s ever had or get it from oral sex or doing something herself. she knew she had very sensitive breasts so I had a great time with them but she didn’t let me go too far on them. also I was stimulating her lips and clitoris and that was fine. I asked if she wanted to try with her G spot. She said yes so I went in but it only lasted a couple of minutes. She liked listening stations it gave her but she felt weird having fingers inside so that was all I could do, the only way I was able to make her orgasm with my tongue. She was a one orgasm person so that didn’t go very far.
Incidentally, my story is included in a published book of real life first time stories, The First Time by Kate Munro... Just thought I'd mention as a few people have seemingly been interested in my comment.
