why is it...

ok, whew! a lot to take in. first off, how did alimony get in this dhs? that cracked me up, lol, thanks for the laugh!

now to the issue at hand...i totally understand what missfontella is saying and i understand her reasons for saying it. but i also know what everyone else is saying about it being both ways. i have been in the position many many times of having to let a guy down, but i had never given them any signals or whatever to make them think i liked them i was just being myself.

anyway, i don't want to play games and i have sat back before with guys and not said anything (like missfontella said, not to play a game but to protect myself, plus we are taught that the guy should ask the girl out and even in our modern times there is a certain stigma or feeling some have about girls who ask guys out..), while secretly pining for them on the inside, and i don't want to do that. my feelings still get hurt and i get nowhere for it. that is why i posted this, because i want to say something to him and i understand there is a risk when i do it, i guess i just am trying to figure out how to communicate what i want in the right way when i do it, so that if it doesn't go the way i want it is because he isn't into it and not because i came across wrong and scared him off...
what i want is lots of sex and some hanging out, informally or out on a date, whatever, but that's it. i wouldn't mind necessarily if this led to something more serious but that is down the road if at all. i am just concerned about telling him this without him either thinking i am a slut or something or that i am trying to get all serious and tie him down. and i am also worried about being able to look into his eyes and say what i want at all. it is just sooo physically hard for me to be vunerable, especially when i am choosing to do it on purpose.

i talked with him last night and he is just so sweet, but at the same time i have such a hard time reading him. like he says he wants to make plans to get together but how he also has so much stuff to do (working and family stuff), so that confuses me. i guess i will see if he does call me and we hang out or not. it is just I KNOW that if a man wants to see someone they will and there is pretty much no amount of work or whatever to stop that. right?! i know that for me that is true, i can be busy as a bee but if the right man comes along i will make time for them no matter what b/c i like them.
i don't know...it is just all very frustrating!

 

Hi.

If you want this guy alls you have to do is act exactly like you would (and this should come naturally, if you don't know how you'd act you probably aren't as sure as you think you are and all it will take is one smartassed psych student to tell you that the real reason you don't make a move is because deep down inside you aren't sure if thats what you want - know what I mean?) if you and he were dating. Just minus the kisses, holding hands, doing it, and that desire to say goodbye to him very last. Stuff like that is too intense. But keep the laughing and hanging out and enjoying company. Remember - closeness is key, but not too close, and touch his arm a lot more.

He'll pick up on it and eventually it happens. If he doesn't seem to fall into the role than he doesn't like you. Couple weeks maybe. Month.

Alls I am saying is that if I had a friend and I found out she was bugging over whether to tell me or not I'd be laughing at her and it would make her much much less attractive.

 

ok dude..you said some good things but that last thing was a little....yuck. so why the hell would you laugh at someone you say is a friend if they were nervous about telling you they liked you b/c they may get hurt? harsh and rude if you ask me! why would you laugh and why would she be less attractive? because she is human with feelings?

please explain yourself.

 

If this is the case, I think you should ditch this guy and move to Florida

 

Yuck? Hmm.

I suppose, in a very broad and inaccurate sense, yes.

It makes you unattractive because it shows what a lack of confidence you have. It shows you are more worried about getting hurt than taking a chance at something that may not come around again. It shows me that feelings are going to override your reason and rationale.

That kind of person isn’t the kind of person I want to be around. It would be a bummer.

 

i am sorry but that is the dumbest and shallowest thing i have heard. everybody is afraid or nervous about something, even you. and as far as confidence, protecting my heart doesn't mean i don't have confidence, it means i don't have that much confidence in men b/c i have run into shallow jerks before and it makes me think twice about this one part of my life. i have plenty of confidence in myself.

and don't worry, girls that have feelings (which is all of them) most likely won't be talking to you with that winning attitude you have anyway...so you don't need to worry about it
thanks for your good-hearted, optomistic view though :H

 

if only life were so easy!

 

wait ... what?













I offer an opinion and that is how you respond? Over react much FireQueen?

You may think it dumb and shallow, but look at what you just wrote. Now correct me if I am wrong, but doesn’t your response prove my point better than anything I could ever come up with?

Why are you getting so defensive? It is the case that people in general who are not willing to take a risk are lower in confidence. It is the case that people that lead with their feelings are not as reasonable and harder to get along with in intimate relationships. It is nothing personal. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is a human thing. It is human nature. It is the way people have been acting for centuries. You are just unlucky because you have this and that trait.

You should be a little less worried about my love life and a lot more worried about yours from what we have read so far. But thanks anyway.