why is it so f***ing hard for my parents to accept who I am? damn church etc...

So true.
I even go farther, I think, in that I accept and love unconditionally no matter the faith, etc. I say I think becuz I consider acceptance more loving than tolerance, but I may not have the same definition of it as others

 

Can you say that to them?

It would be a shame if your relationship with your family suffers over this. Let them know that you want to maintain a great relationship with them, but will be unable to if they continue to detest your beliefs.

You have made every attempt, it seems, to get past your disagreements. Don't let yourself feel bad because of the wedge driven between you and your parents. Although they may want to think it is your fault, or that you are in the wrong in some way, just remember that you aren't always going to be able to change a person's mind, and just because they think they are right in this, it doesn't mean that they are.