Why Doesn't He Want To Have Sex?

he might be the kind of dominant that wants to own your orgasms. If you two are in that sort of relationship, it can feel like, because he can't get you off, he doesn't own or control that part of you, and that can cause issues if your relationship is otherwise based around that dynamic. my previous girlfriend was a submissive, and didn't even /want/ to cum, because she wanted all the pleasure to go towards making me happy. I finally had to say it to her this way 'when I make you cum, I own you completely. I own your breathing, I own your body's reactions. You may think that you give me the most pleasure by giving me oral because you get virtually nothing out of it yourself.. but I enjoy it most when I can make you cum, over and over again, because it means that you're mine, completely, despite yourself and your walls that you've built up.'

you might want to seriously discuss it with him like that. ask him if it feels incomplete for you to not get off. the impression I get of you is that you're very similar to her in this aspect, and I feel like nobody's even come close to touching on it.

and a further note - despite how he may seem sometimes, it's highly unlikely he's a mind reader. as I used to have to tell her - 'Tell me what you want and need. You're not topping and you're not forcing me, but it's a feedback cycle. I take care of your needs, and you're happy, you're going to want to take care of mine. Tell me what you feel, what you want, what you need, what excites you and what doesn't, because only with that knowledge can I play your senses and body like a violin to bring the pleasing music of your ecstacy to my ears. You want for my pleasure - then let me enjoy yours as well.'

 

Wish I had an answer for you. My situation is a little different. I don't ask my wife for sex anymore because after menapause she lost interest. When she is willing to "take it for the team" it makes me feel on same level as a rapist. At that point, I prefer porn and masturbation

 

I think the problem is porn.

The way porn works is similar to what happens when you take opiates. What happens is initially you get a high from it but then after taking opiates for a long time the effect is the law of diminishing returns. you will eventually burn out the receptors until you find you cant get a high from it anymore. Also the brain maybe starts the rewire itself because he's masturbating but it does't work anymore the brain is seeing visual stimuli but nothing real. Its like the little boy that's yells out to his father: "The wolf is coming ! - The wolf is coming !!!" so the father races down with a gun and looks around for the wolf but no wolf. Walks back thinking that boys lying. The little boy keeps yelling out - "The wolf is coming !!!!" Eventually the father decides the boys just lying again and doesn't bother running down to save him. Well that's what a mans brain is thinking oh prep the sperm to enter the vagina but every time he ejaculates no vagina to ejaculate into. So I guess the body either realizes its a false alarm or the receptors are burnt out. I guess the sex needs to be a like more kinky or weird or closer to his fantasy.

What ever turn him on is what you have to be.

That's the problem with pornography it blunten's a mans desire and rewires his brain.

The problem with porn is that there is non of the beautiful love that you get with making love to a women humanity has taken a weird U-turn and its really screwed up now.

Like dildos, cock rings, butt plugs, anal sex, orals sex, gag balls, S&M, B&D, all sorts of weird and kinky things that people do.

Porn is so mainstream now and its basically making people decadent and kinky.

Ironically its probably making sex less enjoyable; not more enjoyable.

Orgasm is based on the bodies excitement of finding a good lover or a man that cares about the girl or the women. I guess she's senses that he's a decent and loving guy and it gives him a special reward which is your orgasm.

What most men fail or are ignorant of is that a girls orgasm is the best orgasm he can achieve. why is that ? well because when a women has an orgasm and hes inside her, her vagina locks his penis into her its the extreme tightness and the involuntary spasms of her orgasm that will trigger his orgasm.

An orgasm is something that must be experienced to understand it.

to get a girl to orgasm is no easy feat, its very hard to achieve it and it takes a long time and im beginning to think most men just don't have the willingness to try to achieve it.

what im about to say is seems unbelievable and quite bizarre and weird but that is how it is when you experience orgasm as a guy. I only ever experienced it once in my life. I have done it about 4 times in my life still that last one was so powerful and intense and magical.

Orgasm is or from what I can remember like some really weird out of body experience. As a guy being on the end of a girls orgasm the guy ejaculates so intensely the pleasure is like incredible so much so it puts you into some weird out of body experience. I blacked out and lost consciousness and you or I felt like I was part of her inside her yet like our souls where joined together. The feeling I had was not like we were separate entities I felt one in the same as her. some time later I don't know because its like I woke from a dream. it was so quiet and the air was cold and I just remember the steam coming off our bodies. Her pounding heart was slowly getting slower and slower after the orgasm. That's when I became aware of this feeling of euphoria, so relaxed, and a strong feeling of closeness towards my girlfriend. the feeling is like you would hang around for the babies and rear those children. orgasm brings you much closer to your partner it must be oxytocin and vasopressin the bonding chemicals.

If you really want to know how I get a women to orgasm search my old posts with how I achieved it. I cant be bothered writing it out again.

Its very sad that mankind has reached this place where we are so screwed up now essentially. we actually avoid any kind of intimacy now. Its almost like we do anything to avoid really good sex now. I mean why would you want virtual sex when you can experiece the real thing with a women?

We were given these bodies to experience the ultimate pleasure yet we throw away the ultimate for virtual sex or 2 dimensional porn.

anyway if your interested search my old posts. Bye.

 

Good sex is a symphony, bad sex is background noise. Speak to him directly and tell him you need to write a symphony for your own sanity.

 

What kind of porn does he enjoy watching?

 

Wife gets hooker for hubby's birthday 3som

 

I think for most men, porn is the quick way to see women who are (actually seem to be) ready and horny. We want our ladies to WANT us in that way. (Who doesn't want to feel desired in that way???) If our ladies seem less interested - or NOT interested at all - we get our mental "fix" of seeing women who are in the mood, anxious for sex, ready for any / all forms of sex, and very horny. Granted it's just porn videos, but it's still mentally satisfying to see.

If you show him you're ready and willing for sex, and he doesn't seem to notice, he MAY see you as too aggressive. Talk to him. Ask him if he'd like it better if he chased you. (one possibility.)

Tell him you'd like to watch porn with him. Don't just sit there like a bump on a log. Ask him what turns him on in the videos, and ask him if he'd like you to do those same things with him. Comment yourself, too. Tell him what you think is hot in the videos.

If you want to REALLY get his attention, try this. Ask him if he's not interested in you sexually, would he be OK with you getting together with another guy to have your sexual needs fulfilled. If that question doesn't get his attention, or get him talking, you may have to look elsewhere. Porn can be a fire-starter/idea source - but it shouldn't be the whole show. 1-on-1 together should be the whole show!!

 

Next time he's watching porn, take your clothes off, bend over the couch in front of him, and spread your legs just a little. Always works for me!

 

Nothing like the direct approach!

 

Agreed! If he would rather masturbate than walk across the room and push it inside my body, it's time to leave.

 

To quote Marvin Gaye - "Ain't nothin like the real thing baby."

I have to agree with him.

 

Watching a bit of porn together can be a nice spark and get ideas rolling. Some nice teasing licks, strokes, touches while watching seem amplified. Just one more way to start a fire!!

 

You know my experience is that does seem to work, at least on guys. But I fear sometimes the guy is imagining himself in the movie, and I am just helping to provide that escape. I would rather them be getting excited about me and not the extremely large breasted woman on screen. Although in the end the result is almost identical.

 

you could always try it with regular, non boob-job porn.

 

I can't tell nanaxx what to do here, but I can tell her what I did.

I had a wife once like nanaxx's guy. We've been divorced 12 years now, and she told me over the phone recently that she's doing the same thing with her boyfriend of the last 10 years that she did to me. I told her bluntly that nobody needs her to be celibate, and that she should look around and see if she can find anyone who moved in together or got married so they can practice celibacy. She was dumbfounded. I further told her that, if she wants to be celibate, she should leave men alone entirely. Otherwise, she's just going to keep destroying her own relationships. Our conversation wasn't angry or belligerent, just open and honest. It was a long conversation, and very revealing, but I also knew that nothing I say would change her behavior. This is something she's going to have to work out herself, and it likely will require years of counseling. Otherwise, she will continue to fail in her relationships.

Sooner or later, such women always drive men away, either with similar behavior, squandering limited resources, or endless drama and other betrayals. I understand that, due to such women, there is now a movement among men called MGTOW (men going their own way).

I can't say I blame them anymore, either, but I'd still like to know why seemingly intelligent people continue to do this to each other, even though they know it always results in failure. Unresolved issues are a real bummer.

 

Abstinence, on your part , may stimulate a required response - dancing in Tango does take Two, and you are no less integral to the act of mutual satisfaction (?)

 

I just had sex.

 

Good for you

 

Yep. im feeling satisfied.

 

The OP hasn't been back for like 2 years, just saying. I guess she'd already found a solution to her issue a long time ago.