so heres the story: my and my girlfriend have been together for 4,5 years , in love, building our life together, she moved from London to be with me in Holland. Last oct she asked me to marry her I was so happy !! we decided to buy some land in spain two years back and work the next few years toge the money to do it up and go live there. so shes a workaholic and came back from work two weeks ago saying something had broken inside , very vague , a week went by she was away for work she came back and went to bed and didnt get up the whole weekend. she was telling me to get away from her , to leave her alone and I felt absolutely useless. then a week later , not a great week , I was feeling confused and attacked and she was distant. so I get a call from her , shes on teh side of the road , car broke down, I asked her whree she was and she said she was looking for an apartment ! My heart sank , its gone from bad to worse since then. we spoke a little that night and she said she wasnt sure if she should go or not, she just wanted to see how it felt. but she did explian that she had been so so low and Iwasnt there to help her whne she needed me most. oh the pain I felt when she said that . also she cant forgive me because I wouldnt wear my engagement to work ( not out at work ) I came out late in life and cant be arsed sharing my private life at work, she sees it as weak and she says she doent ant to settle for any thing less than what she believes in !! anyway shes gone and In trying the no contact tactic but my heart is dragging around , Im in bits. she does say that she may be over exaggerating but its going too far, she says she loves me but is not in love wth me and that she cant trus me whith her feeligs. I feel like crap but Icant believe shes doing this. how did it come to this ? any advice is welcome thanks r0isin
I don't know why she left, but I know that you should let her go. Your story gave me the impression that she lacks of emotional stability and IMO being with her will only hurt you more.
I agree with PB here. "She won't settle for anything less than she believes in" - that's a rather domineering attitude. "We do it my way or not at all." Where's the recognition of your pain, your issues, your needs in all this? It's all "me, me, me". Couples stay together because they stop being two "me's" and become one "us". I don't see her reaching out, and making concessions, to become an "us" with you. And why does she think she can't trust you with her feelings? Have you done anything to betray her trust? Seriously? No ... this is a "her" issue, not a "you" issue. She's the one with the problem. If she won't open up and share her feelings with you, then it's hardly surprising that you "weren't there when she needed you" ... because she withheld that need from you, so you didn't know about it! Not your fault, that, and hardly something she should be complaining about now! So, it's hard, I know, to lose someone you love; but I don't think you'd have been happy in the long term with her, because she wants everything her way and for your needs and desires to be subjugated to hers in every way at every point of difference. Is that what you want? If not, then you're well out of it. Big hug from me, Becky
I agree too. Let her go. It must be hard, I honestly couldn't imagine it, I don't want to imagine it. This made me sad. =[
The I love you but am not in love with you speech.....that is the kiss of death.....she is not in love with you....and is trying to be as nice as she can be....so let her go.
