Why do we like being told we're beautiful more than

I know how lynesy feels, I put a high emphasis on getting compliments on my looks as well. But as I'm starting to get older and let go of the highschool frame of mind, I'm starting to put a much heavier emphasis on intellegence than looks. I find now that if I'm told I'm pretty, though I still do appreciate it, is starting to not compare to someone telling me I'm smart. Like when I had the english teacher at the college I'm going to in the fall tell me that the entrance essay I wrote was the best she'd read all year.
I think it really is imprinted on you from childhood.My mom has always been looks-obsessed, and aside from being told I was an ugly, worthless cow at school, coming home and having my mom tell me I needed to start wearing more makeup when I was 10 didn't help.
Even with that essay thing...my mom works at the college I'm going to and the english teacher told my mom how she thought it was so good and to tell me that she thought it was the best one she'd read all year, but she never told me. I found out from the teacher a few weeks later. But if someone made a comment about how i looked, she'd run to phone me.

 

For me, that started in elementary school, long before Jr. High. I really dislike when anyone other than a professor tells me they think I'm smart. Besides, not to sound conceited, but I know I'm smart. I may not be a genius in some areas, but I'm no dummy and don't need to have that validated.

On the other hand, I'm less confident about my appearance. I was the 4-eyed bucktooth nerd through jr. high, and kinda dorky looking in high school, so I get more out of being complimented on my looks. Unless of course it's coming from some random guy I don't know -- then I assume he's sleazy and just trying to get any random female into bed!

It's not that looks are more important to me, just that I'm less confident about my looks.

 

Allow me to make a statistical observation:

There are fewer occasions when, "Gee, you're smart" is an appropriate comment. It requires that something clever be said or done. "Gee, you are pretty" is applicable whenever there is sufficiant lighting.

When admiring an infant, looks are about the only thing that one can comment on. Its the only attribute for which data is avaliable. ("Good God, your baby's poop is stinky" is seldom said.) I suspect that this is the start of compliments on phisique. "Your baby is big" and "your baby is cute" are probably the two most common compliments given to new parents. "Your kid is smart" is not avaliable until later in life.

(Humerous side note: I am told that 6 months after my birth, my mother was complimented on the pretty eyes her little girl (me) had. This came from the minister who had earlier baptised me.)

 

collecting compliments seems like a weird hobby.

 

Similar to collecting notches?

 

Maggie....you were such a beautiful baby!

I used to be in relationships where boyfriends would tell me I'm ugly and not worth their time....one actually told me he was keeping me around just until someone better looking came around.
Then, when I was rid of him....it took a lot to tell myself that I'm worth it. I needed approval from people for a bit....then I just got over it one day.
I know I'm beautiful. I don't need people to tell me that. It's nothing conceited....I just know I'm pretty. I'm not the most gorgeous person on the planet....but I'm not the ugliest.
It hurts my feelings more when I hear "You're an idiot" than when I hear "You're ugly" now. I think you just have to tell yourself that you're pretty....then you'll not have to go out of your way to TRY to make yourself look good. Women are beautiful....they just have to wake up and see it.

 

lol that is hillarious.

And please don't get me wrong I am very smart and pretty well read and cultured (I mean in the true sense not in the social sense). I am just am a perfectionist when it comes to my looks and get upset when I am in a city where I am considered average. I need to find a city full of ugly chicks and move there
and maggie I started on the minor procedures when I was a teeager it's preventative so I won't have to have majors done down the road.

 

I don't want to sound defensive but why do people assume that because I want to look good I do not have a personality or smarts? I'm the smartest woman I know buisness wise who is in my age range and am well compinsated for it, I always continue emphasizing my growth through education whether it be college courses, cooking classes, art classes or mind body and spirit seminars.
I am going to have a huge problem with aging and I do hope I age well but if I do not I will not be empty because I do have a lot of hobbies and gifts to offer the world.
I also become uncomftrable when I am aomplimented in any way but feel naked without them.

 

I know I never said that...and I don't assume it, either.

 

Hmmm...
"ages well" implies looks.
It doesn't mean "keeps open to new experiences" or "embraces the new music".
Another example of how our culture values looks over personality.

 

then I was defensive. I am sorry ):

 

let's be real looks are the first thing people see...none of us can change that.

 

Yeah, but sometimes, it's the ONLY thing people see...and that's the sad part.

 

That may be true for some/ many/ most but not all.

As for myself personally,
I strongly disagree w/the first statement.

Many Folks can attest looks are not the first thing I see.
Fact is I'm not unique in this aspect...

 

hmmm funny considering the first time you typed me a long pm offering an ear was several minutes after I posted my boobs on here...

we all want to be non superficial, we all want to pretend we do not care about our own vanity or other's beauty, that we don't have first impressions from how symmetrical somone's face is or how pulled together they look but in reality we all do to a certain degree and there is no denying it. Just because we pretend to believe in something or say we have certain morals does not in fact mean they hold true.

 

Quite true. Visual impressions are the first ones we have.
However, what phrase praises those who have increased their character or skills as they age? The language that is avalible for praise suggests which characteristics a culture values.

A wine that has "aged well" has increased its complexity and added to its characteristics.

A person who has "aged well" has changed little from their youth.

An appreciation of the mental and emotional does not blind us to the physical. Unfortunatly, too many people limit their appreciation to the physical.

Addendum: I just noticed that my examples of non-physical praise of older people ("keeps open to new experiences" or "embraces the new music") sets youth as the ideal.

 

that is really sad.

 

nvm

 

I would like you to elaborate on this, please.
I very closely know a woman who went to the best private schools my city has to offer.
She is a horribly ignorant person at times, because she's such an elitist.


As for the rest of this...I like other peoples wrinkles, scars, & war wounds..Even admire them..After all, it's our road map. I've earned every little laugh, & frown line I have. The thought wrinkle between the brows.
My only problems lie within myself.
I get furious when I see others degraded over something as superficial as appearance.

 

Every woman is beautiful when I'm inside her....