Why Do I Feel So Alone For?

It's not that I am unhappy, it's just hard to explain. Right now I think I'm at the lowest point of the lows associated with the bipolar. The mania stages though come and go erratically. I know I've nothing to be too unhappy about and deep down I guess I am happy? But the lowness is just overpowering where I'm in a state of "Meh" and couldn't be bothered with anything. If a bullet was coming my way right now I don't even think it'd phase me, I'd probably embrace it if I had the time. I have no concentration right now either. I'm all over the place. I'm going out for a breakfast catch up with some people so hopefully that will be fun but right now I don't even want to go really.

 

:2thumbsup:

You are not a complainer, that's for sure Irmi. At your relatively young age, you've gone through a great deal with physical problems...and I consider that in itself a job. Anyway, I know you do work with horses at a hostel (isn't that what its called?) and with the different things (physical) you have to contend with its a damn good thing you aren't tied into a 40 hr work week.

I also think this season has a lot to do with your low feelings and it is not uncommon for people to have depression this time of the year. This is a fact.

About meds: if you have a chemical imbalance certain meds could just get you back in balance. I agree with not wanting to be dosed out of your head to where you don't even recognize yourself. You may want to consider talking to someone, and letting them know up front you aren't interested in being doped up.

I do have what I call a best friend; but, to be honest I know to start with that I can't talk about just anything to her and have unconditional acceptance...that's my job. I totally understand feeling alone while in the presence of another although I don't get the feeling you're exactly there because you're able to talk about this to your missus. I guess that having that being alone feeling and wanting to connect with people is why I have stayed here. It isn't perfect but it feels like home...not to sound corny.

I don't have a tree nor decoration 1 up. I think that would send me down into depression.

Please don't forget that I'm always here to talk to...plus you know my email.

Edit: I think the worse, most depressing thing in the world to do is to be mad at yourself because you're feeling down. Its better to accept it and figure where to go from there. Starting this thread was a good idea.

 

N'aww thanks Lynn.

Yes, I do believe that given the opportunity, the majority would simply shut their traps and put up with work than undergo 60+ stitches in their eyes.

I do talk to my miss about all of this she's just at a loss too which I think frustrates her a little bit because I know she doesn't want me to feel like this and always there to hold me and ask how I am. But she just can't flip the switch and my moods. So then I feel a little bad too. Not that we take it out on each other or anything. She says I should post this like I did and hopefully someone else might have ideas because we obviously don't. She's very encouraging of me to speak to people.

I don't think I'm too upset with myself. I just wish I wasn't like it that's all. I dunno, sometimes I think my quirks make me interesting.. To someone who cares. :unsure:

-hugs- Lynn.

 

I don't know if I think that your quirks make you interesting, or if its you that makes your quirks interesting. You and your quirks are one. :daisy:

The way you talk about this, I can't help but wonder if there is a chemical imbalance. I'm not saying that the answer is meds, or rather not traditional meds. There may be some vitamin and/or herb that will help. I'm not talking about the best herb here, although I DO THINK weed helps immensely with depression...its most certainly helped me through the years.

Off the top of my head, for one I know St. John's Wort is known to help with depression. I have a few bushes in the yard that I make tea with from time to time.

 

Well this evening I've been really working out and getting my heart rate up. And in the afternoon I was at work really getting into a shipping container full of stuff so I'm going to be sore soon but I feel a lot better and head is a touch clearer. A touch. Nothing drastic, but it felt good to burn some energy.

 

then what you dealing with aint hard, otherwise its easy to explain.

you depressed cause you gonna die?

The fact that at the end, you dead?

all other problems are easy.


you got 1st world problems.

 

You got MORE than 1st world problems.

Setting you back gonna give you some real shit.

 

if you were dealing with real shit burning energy comes with it.

lol grow up.

you post so spoiled. thats bad for your health.

 

yeah yeah you're a salty jealous **** of a thing. I get it.
Now if you don't mind, you've nothing here to help me so kindly just put this thread behind you, you needn't to reply.

Thanks.

 

Im reading what i see and call it.

Grow up.

Buy a plane ticket if you have a hard time.

 

think you never got a hit of real life.

So i post what i say.

 

I am not jealous of the spoiled.

learn principal.

 

My life annoys you. Good.

 

no it doesn't, why would a little girl annoy me?

 

And you know nothing about me either.

I ain't never had an easy life but what I have become didn't come from thinking twice. I know your salty because you think I don't work, or that I have money. I have money because I was smart with it. I could have blown it, but I decided to build an empire of sorts with it. I was never given anything as a child. I went to school, I went to uni, I studied hard. I worked, believe me I've worked.

Considering there are a lot of responses here that side with me, why aren't you telling everyone their problems aren't real? Because you're a simple gutless coward who'll only attack the ones you think are easy targets. What a pathetic existence you truly have.

 

Your thread is about posting alone because you are lonely.

Have you ever tried getting out?

 

If you actually read the thread you'd understand that going out isn't the solution because I have an active social life. You look but you don't see. You hear but you don't listen.

 

I don't give a fuck about knowing you. Get off your computer and go do something.

Do you have more friend online than offline? If so, YOU ONLINE TOO MUCH AND THAT WHY YOU LONELY.

 

If you don't give a fuck then fuck off. Stop trying to be a big man.

 

Maybe I should stoop as low as you and hit the bottle a littler harder, get my ego up. That'll show 'em. -rolls eyes-