Why Do I Feel So Alone For?

I mean I feel alone at the best of times, but I just look at my decorated tree and I think what for? I've got nobody to see it, nobody that cares about it. It only reminds me of how fun Christmas used to be and just how lonely I feel about it now.

I have my folks coming from Australia to my place for Christmas and I'm so excited to see them and show them our house which they haven't see yet. I already fear them leaving, they are only here for a few days before they holiday around Europe and I'm really proud of them for doing so. I know it will be an awesome time. But I also in a way, I don't want it to happen.

I have my beautiful fiancé every day, I have friends to talk to, friends I work with and even new friends I'm starting to probably get too close to. And maybe I know, that when I do put my feelings on the line and most likely rejected, I'll be upset.. Why do I do it? And why do I feel so alone?

I have made peace with so many things in my life and I've come to understand myself in ways I could never have conceived the past year after my injury and my enlightenment of which I won't go into.

It feels like I long for someone out there, and it has me down so terrible right now. I seem to make mistakes with my friends and it feels like I've drifted from a lot. I know this is a part of life and something I just need to grow up and deal with but I find it much easier said than done.

Christmas time for me was a huge family event. With the roasts and family and the sisters and cousins, aunts and uncles. The food. Omg. The food. Is it just this time of year? I feel so blue, like the winter blues folk get yet I get summer blues because I don't handle the heat so well and strive quite fantastically in winter climates. It feels like I'm just pre programmed to be in misery now that I'm older, left home and have my own life to try and live.

Sometimes it feels like maybe I want my own child to celebrate Christmas with, but then I get that same taunt I always get when I think of children. What a selfish thing to bring a child into this life for, so that I can celebrate Christmas with it as I desire. That's just not right to me. I stand my ground and stomp my feet firm on that. I still have no good reason to bare the offspring. It's only this time of year.

I wish someone would come over and comment on my tree, actually care about it.

You know, of all the people I talk to I don't talk to fellow pagans. Maybe I ought to? I always just find that they find my ways conflicting, because my beliefs are so much more personal to me I don't particularly like engaging in conversation about them yet alone trying to teach someone what I'm doing or why I'm doing it this way. Perhaps a nice pagan friend is what I need? Desire? Or will it come straight back down to a sexual urge I get? And can I bed her? And what if it's a male companion I truly seek? But not for sex, just as my friend? How do I know if that's right? Will I just feel it?

I'm so torn and conflicted and sad. =[

 

Sounds mostly about the Christmas blues

But I will talk about the breeding season. Which is a trippy thing becuase you dont really notice it until after its over. For me it was between 25 and 35, all your straight friends and acquaintances are off having the babies, not much time for anything and very choosy with their friends when the kids are young: mainly only other couples with kids the same age.

So you go through that time where you think most of everyone else disppears to settle down, and that is it.

Sooooo not the case, it will kick back up after 35, then a bit later as you get older youll be too tired to give a shit and be pickier about your friends

Thats the good part about getting older and its true what they say...well not that its about confidence which is the what they say to be more diplomatic, really more like there is not enough energy to waste time doing or worrying about dumb shit

 

Also, I have to say it, becuase no one else will

On that last paragraph, is it a male companion you seek, as a friend?

Despite how I come off sounding online, all my besties have always been female

And though its plutonic both directions, you still have to cheat as it were. Keep them seperate from each other, even just as friends they will still get there nose out of joint if they find out you have another bestie more bestie than them. Keep it secret from their partner, their partner will still get sookie if they are better friends with a bestie the same sex, and keep it secret from their family to eliminate and the gossip and bitchiness

People are fucked

 

I Put It Down To Two Reasons.......

(1)......Post Trip Blues, Always Happen A Few Weeks After The Traveller Arrives Home.

(2)......Pre Xmas Emotional Feelings, Xmas Is Always A Very Emotional Time For Most

Peeps, When You Think Of Lost Friends, Family, And All The Good Times Xmas Meant

To You As A Child....,,,

Take Care And As You Know, If You Need To Chat HF's Is Always Willing To Help......



Cheers Glen.

 

As a friend yes. Although my curiosity is definitely growing about sex with males I am after friendship. It's just all my better friends like you have been the opposite sex. My good friends are in fact male, I just seem to get along better with them I think because my interests favor that side. Sports. Guns. History. Girls. Drinks. Drugs. I also feel like I'm a complete let down to many guy friends too because inevitably there always comes a stage where they're like "you know, it's a shame that.." and then starts the awkward process of saying "I know, but I love my girl". I probably could be an awesome girlfriend to a guy but that's not what I'm after.

It could be travel blues, but I'm the type that's like, if i want to I could really just go and do it all again tomorrow, I don't feel like I'm confined to where I live at all, I am like a bird in ways I just go where I need to or feel like.. I've got few plans to travel abroad already in the near future.

I have noticed that my friends with newborns and children aren't really there for me anymore, so I agree with that, and that they try and find similar friends to themselves now and let's face it, promiscuous lesbian probably not the ideal candidate for the friendship. I'm fine with that and actually not many of my friends seem to have children yet, probably because the majority are single males.

It probably is just that time of year, or perhaps I'm feeling that bond between sisters that I always hear about where you feel each other. They're all together, I'm half way across the world during that time of year where we normally would be together. That's probably it but at the same time it's not my sisters who I'm longing for. It's just a good friend. And I don't know what I really want out of that friendship.. I've always been curious about people and it feels like there's a drive in me to meet more people and get to know more people and I know I can do this I find it quite easy honestly, but then they're just people I've met and have nothing in common with. And that might be it too, I've just got nothing in common with a lot of my friends now. We are just friends because... Fuck knows really.

 

When anyone uses the word blues, i do like samuel jackson in The Long Kiss Goodnight


Christmas is just around the corner

Da dan dan dan da

Under the tree is pretty bare

Da dan dan dan da

No presents for friends, friends aint no where

Da dan dan dan da


Cant get get smashed on eggnog

Da dan dan dan da

Cos I'll have gaaaas till tha NEW YEAAAAA

Oh yeah, Ive got tha Boughs of Holly Blues

 

I'm very familiar with this "feeling alone" thing... Not just at christmas but all year long... Every year... for a long long time.



It hasn't gotten easier and it doesn't go away.










But then again, I'm a hermit in the woods. Nobody want's to share a life like that, at least nobody I've ever known.

 

Sounds Like The Story Of My Life........But Here I Go....... Bringing On My Xmas Downer

11 Days Too Early........Thanks Ty...... :bigcry:



Cheers Glen.

 

You're very welcome...

 

This is why I don't have a fancy christmas tree

You can't be a hermit in the netherlands to the same extent (because there is always a neighbour closer than there ) but I know several people who live like that. And I hear the wish uttered sometimes as well. So it is not completely unusual to wanna live like that in my experience!

 

I'm a bit of an empty nester...no man either....I must admit I am lonely also. I decorated but no tree.

 

I'm more alone than Irmi (most of the week) but I don't feel lonely.

 

Loneliness around the holidays is pretty common. Christmas is different when you are older. When you are a kid it's magic you can have anything you want because "Santa" will bring it. That's why around this time of year I buy toys even though I don't have kids. I hate to think about kids not getting the Christmas I did. Maybe that would make you feel better.

 

For who are you buying toys? I have a one year old niece but found I had no clue what toy she (or other one year olds) would actually like most (and since I'm not rich I was having a really hard time gambling on which toy i would possibly waste my money )

 

I'm like Tyrsons. I live alone in the wilderness and most people would be bored out of their minds. I have a roomie and we're best buds.... but all my family lives far away in Texas and I can't live there because of horrid allergens.

I'm getting used to being alone and it gets better every day. I have all my crazy animals and I plan to travel some in the Spring. Maybe some day I'll meet some old hippie guy that likes to hermit. If I don't... that's okay, too.

This time of year is hard on many people, Irmin hun. Particularly if you live in an area that has little sunshine at the same time the Xmas Blues hit. Give yourself a break.. spoil yourself until the silly season is over. Get some sunshine every chance you get!

My plan is to spend Xmas at a casino.

 

They are called Giving Trees in America. Charity has kids fill out a card with what they want for Christmas. Then they hang all these cards on a Christmas tree in a public place like a shopping mall. You pick a card and buy that thing and return it to the tree. So I don't know the kids personally.

 

It is a state I am used to. I can be in a crowd of people and feel alone.....I am social, though, and can make make people feel good and happy....I have a sunshiney personality.....but that is all superficial.....really......I was trying to think of any real connections I have in my life now.....where I would trust someone with my life and not be afraid to bare myself heart and soul in comfort.....as i think with any real connections.....the loneliness disappears.....It is rare....maybe once in a life time....idk....I would have to LIKE someone completely...not only love...but LIKE....in order for that to happen.... I connect better with animals and babies and children who are not spoiled and brats.....then I do with most people.....I have alot of people in my life in real life who i like and can laugh and have fun and good times with....but that soul gripping connection....not so much......I don't even really bare my soul to Stan....but we get along very well and give each other all the space and freedom that is needed.....I guess that is why this situation works...but I might as well be living in this house alone, too, in some ways.....although the pugs are around me 24-7.....that is different....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_P-v1BVQn8

 

Christmas has been given an unrealistic reputation, and a lot of people are chasing a fantasy.

I like the vibe of the old pagan winter solstice festivals. They're all about socializing, and hope for the future. No matter how bleak the winter may be, we know that the shortest day and the longest night are past, and better days will surely return in the spring. That's for real.

 

i blame the trip...you obviously had a ton of fun and now youre winding down from it

 

I don't think it's the trip. I haven't even let that sunk in yet. Or it hasn't. I'm not really sure when it will either. Probably late February when the Daytona 500 on and there's no Jeff Gordon piloting the #24 car. Then it will sink in that I was there and saw him win the final race etc. and like I've said before the more I talk about the trip the more excited I get etc. and I don't feel down because I am home, I love my home. I don't live in the forest, but it's literally right there for me to go walking in and to get peace of mind in there.

This isn't just a Christmas time thing for me either it's a cycle, I can break it, but when it comes back it's hits harder and harder and harder every time. So years back it was a just a distant though but now, now it's a real emotion that playing on my mind big time. And I speak to my girl and she thinks maybe I should go talk to someone. But I've said before I don't want to because I'll get put on some anti depressant pill and then it will make me.. Not me. I don't want a fake happiness, if I'm happy or sad that's me, I don't want a cloaking pill that makes me feel things I wouldn't feel being myself.. If that makes sense?

Just feels like every time I get this feeling and it's almost on a monthly cycle now and no it's not my monthly... But it's just getting to me more and more and worse and worse. Me making a thread about it feels like a cry for help?