Why Am I So Paranoid About Sex/foreplay?! Opinions Please

I love sex, I really do, but I literally find it so uncomfortable sometimes and lack confidence. I'm 23 and can't remember the last time I looked somebody in the eye during sex/foreplay, in fact I can't remember the last time I opened my eyes at all! And this includes a four year relationship with somebody I loved and trusted 100%. My new partner has picked up on it and I genuinely feel like he thinks I'm not interested - which he has jokingly said - but I so am!!!! I over think and over scrutinize EVERYTHING that happens. If he's not 100% hard I feel like it's a reflection on me and that I'm not sexy enough etc. I have to say - body wise - I do feel more confident with him than I have with previous partners, like I am comfortable being naked with him in lighting (something I could never do with my ex). The sex is so good and he is amazing at foreplay etc. and he pays me compliments on my performance, especially when I give him head, but I still can't get over these boundaries. If he moves my hand I take it as a criticism and withdraw and I'm always scared to make the first move without being given the go ahead, or trying new things: positions, moving on to different body "areas" etc. so many articles I've read say to wear sexy underwear, say sexy things, try new stuff, some of which I feel I could do, but for some reason I feel like he will laugh at me, or hate it, or be disgusted. Thoughts? What do I do? I really want to enjoy sex and make it the best experience for him too!!! (Please note this is not person specific - I've been this way since I lost my virginity!!)

 

You have found a nice guy who wants to please you..

Make your self relax at these times..it works

Make a conscious effort to relax and go with him, you will find another side to it, and so train yourself to relax...try it!

It's your x... don't let him win ,

 

Sex is so mental! Good sex with an over thinking mind can ruin it. Try your best to relax. I know, easier said than done. You have to let the fear of being rejected or laughed at go right out the window. Think about it this way, he's already having sex with you. He obviously finds you attractive.

 

Sex is physiological. The object is simple: you and your partner stimulate the nerve endings that create the most pleasure in each other's bodies while inputting sexual imagery through each other's senses. Look at, listen to, smell and taste each other as well as touching. You really can't go wrong if you make it about your bodies and senses rather than about preconceived notions of what sex should be like.

Making love with no light is absurd, the visual component is essential. If you're healthy and confident, you're attractive. Your lack of confidence is a vicious cycle that you need to break by knowing that all it takes is a healthy body, it's not difficult, fuck the media and their ridiculous standards. Celebrities aren't as attractive as normal people, because they're overdone with so much glitz and glamour. That's not attractive, it's just lucrative. Don't let the media fuck up your self-esteem with the deception they present as reality.

As far as the technique, learn with each other, don't expect to do it perfectly. Just go with the flow, don't tense up or it will kill the buzz. Relax your entire body, don't tense a single muscle. Be like water, the fountain of youth.

Adore each other. You're very lucky to have found a male you can enjoy sex with. Know that you deserve equal pleasure, it isn't about putting on a performance for him, but rather about relaxing your body and mind and letting yourself receive the glorification of life that you're entitled to as a decent human being. That's right, he needs to give you what you're entitled to, so lay back and enjoy it all. Don't worry about a thing, it will all be awesome if you just let it flow.

 

try a glass of wine and just laying naked and looking at each other. keep looking no matter how embarrassing no matter how weird giggle if you need to but don't cover up...
nothing can be more awkward than that if you're nervous, and once you realize that it isn't awkward anymore most of the other feelings associated with how you appear or seem, tend to dissipate

I had someone make me do this when I was 17 because I didn't even take my shirt off for sex because it would be weird and even though I had had a child by that point, I still hadn't seen a penis up close and personal or ever opened my eyes or been on top or anything exploratory, after that just having him look at me and look at him I realized that it was fine, (and that naked guys are waaayy funnier looking than naked girls) I went on to strip and be quite the sexual explorer and appreciate all bodies male and female, that might not be your destiny, but if you can get past that initial awkward weird this is bull phase then everything else is a breeze

alternatively try holding it limp in a mostly nonsexual way and looking him in the eye, like a baby step, step one to ultimately looking him in the eye when you orgasm

 

. . . next time. next date. determine the best setting for the two of you to feel comfortable within --- while not expecting to have sex.
A destination. A location that will enable focus and comfort and if the two of you indulge --- an opportunity for a few drinks.

So much of sex is unsaid communication
And right now, your actions. yours and his are not being understood by either side.
You have read articles about your situation, shared your concerns here and expect to psychically connect with your partner through changes in attire and your sex menu.

You just need to put words to your concerns and enable him to listen and understand --- to interact and hopefully get some feedback that will lead to a positive solution.

Treat this like a job interview --- think about how best to communicate what you have shared here in the most concise manner --- just short of scripting your words.

Share exact details of what is feeding your paranoia --- why your eyes are shut tight --- and how much you want him to understand how you want to fully connect with him.

This conversation must be controlled by you so that it can get to solution that will benefit both of you.
And, this conversation will need to be explicit which may cause discomfort at first but will help the two of you when you are engaging in that "unsaid communication".

 

Most women close their eyes during oral sex and sometimes during sex. It's a relaxing feeling and it feels nice to just close your eyes and picture whatever you want.
I think having your eyes open might be a porn thing, but idk?
As you have more sex and get comfortable with your guy, I think you will eventually be able to initiate positions.
When I want to switch positions, I just outright say, I want to do this position, Or, I want you to fuck me in this position.
He has never said no.

 

From what you wrote your bf seems like a good guy and willing to help you out. I always think of sex as something you have to explore, either by yourself or with someone else, in this case I think you should take advantage that your bf understands you and talk with him and maybe try new things in bed. Wish you the best of luck!