Who Would You Like To Be Instead Of Who You Really Are?

Discussion in 'Mind Games' started by Backchat, Sep 6, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Lovelane

    Lovelane Members

    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    3
    To be honest I can't think of anyone that I want to become. I think just myself is good enough. I just wish if I can be few years younger, I could do something different.
     
  2. Monkey Boy

    Monkey Boy Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,908
    Likes Received:
    391
    A duck.
     
  3. I would like to be a criminal mastermind who just blows things up and stuff. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody necessarily, but blow things sky high.
     
  4. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    You were in particularly good shape at that time I take it?
     
  5. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Messages:
    5,144
    Likes Received:
    464
    Physically, yes. Emotionally, I was a complete mess. But I guess one way of looking at it is that this low period on my life contributed to the improvement in my physique.
     
    McFuddy likes this.
  6. tumbling.dice

    tumbling.dice Visitor

    When I was a kid I wanted to be Mr. T.
     
  7. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    How'd that work out for you? Is this something you still consider?
     
  8. Deidre

    Deidre Visitor

    A bird. I wouldn't be a noisy, annoying chirpy one that wakes you up as soon as the sun comes out. I'd be quiet. And fly away if anyone tried to catch me.
     
  9. Born25YearsTooLate

    Born25YearsTooLate Hunting the mighty whifflesnark

    Messages:
    2,818
    Likes Received:
    928
    who I was long ago. before I trusted the people I shouldn't have, before I got angry and bitter at humanity. back when I remembered what it was like to be happy. to have more smiles than tears. who I was before the times when i felt useless, worthless, pointless and unloved. I'm trying to move back to being that person, when I felt like a person with hopes and dreams rather than one of the pirates that took the cursed gold of montezuma from the pirates movie. a walking husk, just moving because it's all I remember how to do. I'd like to be the person who felt joy or pleasure, who could trust, and who could give without caring about being used, or getting something back, just being a giving person because I 'could'. 20 years ago.. twenty five.. back when I was young and idealistic, and yes, even stupid and in love with life and the world, and everything was possible because hope, and because faith, and because love, and because dreams.

    the person I was before I became who i am now. before i lost my heart so many times, gave it freely and every time it came back a bit more broken, a bit more of a limp sack filled with broken glass and salt.

    a person who can love and be loved. freely. without all the fear, all the anger, all the distrust that i developed over being right in the worst of circumstances, over and over and over again.

    when I was alive, and not a breathing corpse. before my body betrayed me and the bright sunlight of my life turned to unceasing stormclouds. sometimes.. i see a glimpse of sun here and there... but I've almost forgotten what it's like to be accepted. to be desired. to be loved. to not be alone, whether i'm in a relationship or not. to be someone that someone who wants to invest in me, in a relationship with, desires. to be wanted, not needed.

    to be understood. to have faith again. to be someone who believes it 'will' all work out in the end, instead of being someone who fights to not wake up in the morning because my dreams of the people that've walked away from me are more... are better.. than my life actually is.

    to be someone who doesn't have to fight anymore. who can rest. because i'm tired. I feel like i've been carrying the one ring.. as Bilbo put it "I’m old, Gandalf. I know I don’t look it but I’m beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin… sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday."

    or like herbs steeped in a sauce, or a tea bag that's had everything it could give wrung out of it.

    Who I was before I even came to the hipforums the first time... ten.. yeah.. ten years ago, i think.. maybe more. back 'then'... before anyone who knew me here had even met me.

    I thought, when my previous girlfriend left.. because she'd done all the things she promised not to.. she grew into herself, her wings healed, and she flew, and then decided she didn't need me anymore.. that i was the thing holding her back.... all the promises I asked her not to make, because she didn't know what she was swearing to... I thought I had nothing left. a year later, I still feel just as empty and shredded in my soul. I thought she was my last chance.. that maybe, if she burned me, I simply wouldn't feel anymore. that i could live out my life in numbness, not misery. But that didn't happen. Instead her walking away from me, from me being her most important to someone not even worth talking to, in the course of a day...all it did was fill me with the worst pain i ever felt. I didn't care if she yelled at me, at least then i would have been /worth/ yelling at. No. simply discarded. 'Don't email me again. Don't send me a package. Don't call. I won't answer you. I need to be free to live my life without you weighting me down. You held me up for so long, and you helped me fly again, but now it's time to do it without you.' Instead of numbness, I remember what i was like, long ago.. and it's almost painful to have hope i could ever find my way back to that, or that i could ever open my heart up to someone again and not have the almost certain knowledge that they're with me because of what i can do, how I can help them, how i can heal them, or counsel them, or love them and support them...and knowing that when I need them... (looks around at the emptiness) when I need their friendship, their loyalty, their fulfillment of all the promises they made so that i'd give to them... that they're nothing more than whispers. nothing more than ghosts.

    I'm tired of having had the experiences of trying to build a life with someone, of living together, of being intimate in all possible ways, then one morning they wake up, walk to me and say 'I don't love you anymore. I don't know that I ever did. I'm leaving now, and if you love me at all, you won't chase me. I regret you, and regret knowing you. I wish we'd never met.'

    so.. yeah. I want to be 'not that person'.

    I want to be who I was before I wound up more scars than flesh, before I was more broken glass than blood, more ice than soul and before i was more bitterness than love. before I was more tears than joy. before anyone in my current life ever knew me.

    that's who.
     
    Pepper! and GLENGLEN like this.
  10. Born25YearsTooLate

    Born25YearsTooLate Hunting the mighty whifflesnark

    Messages:
    2,818
    Likes Received:
    928
    also not the guy that kills threads.
     
  11. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    9,110
    a little fear is probably a good thing. otherwise, you'll end up dead about an hour into fearless day.
     
    themnax and McFuddy like this.
  12. Deidre

    Deidre Visitor

    Need to find that balance, I guess. I'm trying.
     
  13. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    Because of recent events I find myself wondering if not only COULD I love again, but SHOULD I. People's definition of love is fucked up, and I want no part of it.
     
  14. pensfan13

    pensfan13 Senior Member

    Messages:
    14,192
    Likes Received:
    2,776
    Not any particular person. I would just like to have no shame like some people I know and work with.
    I would love to sing and when someone says you suck at singing...just keep singing and laugh at that person and go on thinking I sing well. I would love to be insulted and act like it dosnt bother me then make up some ridiculous insult back at the person who insulted me.
     
  15. RetiredHippie

    RetiredHippie Hick

    Messages:
    2,920
    Likes Received:
    604
    I would love to be a collector of classic muscle cars or an award winning bass guitarist.
     
  16. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

    Messages:
    27,694
    Likes Received:
    4,465
    how about if i'd rather be who i really am then who i really am?

    if i were really any of my fursona's, the only thing that would be different would be my physical appearance.
    to occupy a different human physical form, would be the same thing only less.
     
  17. Astray

    Astray Visitor

    I would really like to be who I really am, but just can't seem to hang onto to it.
    I feel most realistic, vibrant, and alive when truthful and loving. That is who I really am.
     
  18. Noserider

    Noserider Goofy-Footed Member

    Messages:
    9,578
    Likes Received:
    6,215
    Brad Stevens

    Am I rite?????
     
  19. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

    Messages:
    27,694
    Likes Received:
    4,465
    the problem i have with the question, is i don't really understand how you would BE another person.

    their sharpness of mind, and how they were able to get themselves in the positions you think you know them for,
    that maybe, but the rest of it is almost meaningless.
     
  20. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    This sounds very familiar. Not a good feeling.
     
  21. Noserider

    Noserider Goofy-Footed Member

    Messages:
    9,578
    Likes Received:
    6,215
    Podrick Payne :)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice