I enjoy reading journeys - we all have them - we have navigated through life and each of us has our own story to tell. Who we are and what we think - it's worth sharing. I'd love to hear yours... I have asked the administrators to change the topics here to reflect something different than "gay personals" Putting up an ad is OK - but we are more than that - I spend a lot of time over on the bisexual sections because I do consider myself to be bisexual but I am so close to being fully gay I also want to be here, too. I thought I'd put it out there right here - if others feel that way - do you have things you want to share and get views on? Or are you good the way things are?
Papa, being a bisexual man I feel comfortable in both sides of these forums. I can identify with heterosexual topics as well as gay. While I too spend a fair amount of time in the bi area I don’t feel like I have to confine myself there. Even though my sexuality primarily manifests itself with men these days I still love women. So I guess I feel comfortable in both arenas.
As you may remember from the bi forum, Papa Smurf, I'm like you in that I'm technically bisexual--still attracted to women--but I identify as gay now and only have interest in casual sex and romance with men--and really only gay men (more on than that below). But I haven't logged in to the forums in many months now, primarily because I have been so super busy with work, in fact so busy that I haven't even hooked up with a guy in a long time, except for a couple visits to bathhouses--something that I had stopped doing entirely since more fully accepting by bisexuality 10 years ago when my anal desires exploded and I fucked my first guy (before that it was 20 years of tons of oral only). From 2013 on I only got together with guys in each other's homes. But today I logged in again, and discovered this gay forum. I too would love for this forum to get much more busy. The other reason I may have not logged into the bisexual forum in so long is because, frankly, I have so much less in common with bi guys than ever before, and I'm really getting tired of all the married bi guys that are cheating on their wives: it's very sad. I'm also no longer interested in getting together with a bi guy because I've had a lot of unsatisfactory hookups with them. I'm sure there are many very passionate man-hungry (as opposed to cock-hungry) bi guys out there, but I haven't had the good fortune to meet any of them. With my growing understanding that all along in my life I have actually been fighting my homosexuality, mostly at the unconscious level, but now accepting it more than ever and identifying as gay, I want everything with a man. Unfortunately the bi guys I've been getting together with are pretty much only interested in the cock, whereas I want to connect with the whole man who's with me--his whole body, his mind, his person. It doesn't have to be romantic, but it needs to be fully sexual--just like straight guys are with women: it's not just about breast or pussy, is it? So I just need to finish this humungous project I've been in, and then I will finally be free again to exercise regularly and go on dating apps to meet guys, at least for full out sex (i.e. fucking, kissing, etc.). Meanwhile, for the last 11 months I have also been getting together regularly with a large local gay community of guys, often twice a week for drinks and/or food--except I haven't even had time to do that much in the last five months because of work (12 hour days, 6 days a week). I can't tell you how much I love hanging out with these guys (every Wednesday it's 20-30 guys, and every Saturday it's 6-10). I connect with them at a deep level and feel totally myself when I'm with them. I'm attracted to a number of them, but almost all these guys are married (to each other). There's one single guy I have a major sexual and romantic crush on, but he's not interested (I think I'm too old for him). Yes, this group is not a perfect fit with the path that my sexuality has taken, since almost all of them identified as gay from childhood/teenage onwards, but I doubt I would find any man let alone community with my history in such a small very straight region/county with only a population of a few hundred thousand spread out in a 50 mile diameter. We don't even have a gay bar. Gary
Good to read your post @slayer3737 It's been a long journey for me, too - from the days we shared our views on the forum... I hope your life gets a little lighter soon so you can be back here - journaling, so to speak. I have found it hard to land squarely in the gay camp or the bi camp - I am attracted to women - to the point, I like to look at them, but have not touched or even tried to touch anyone from the female gender in so long - I think I could easily be called a "liar" if I claimed to be truly bisexual. Here I am - a moderator on the bisexual section of the HIP forums - and really, let's face facts. I'm gay. I have not been as disappointed as you have been when I have met up with bisexual men who are married to women. I feel their pain still due to my own disappointments with my wife and our marriage - so I relate to their loss of connectedness with a partner who is willing to communicate about their sexual needs openly. But, I also have a greater need to connect emotionally with a man than most of them. That is very evident.
Indeed! I wonder why you call them bisexual at all, and not heterosexual (with something like a penis fetish or fixation), or at most ‘straight plus’ or ‘mostly heterosexual’. I suspect that your men married to women were the MBTI Thinkers (= T types) that predominate among men. They are less emotional, less holistic, less romantic and less relationship orientated than MBTI Feelers (= F types), who make up the majority of women, and who seem to be strongly overrepresented among gays and most likely in your gay group. It is likely that they also appear more feminine than the average man. MBTI male Feelers feel at home among fellow male Feelers! Great that you have freed yourself from your restrictions and can now concentrate fully on homosexuality.
This is interesting @TwinT I have never seen this personality test put out as more male or more female as the graph you posted shows... but I am INFJ and I would not argue that is where I'm at emotionally and relationally with my friends and lovers... definitely feel that I have a female wired brain in many aspects of my way of life. However, I don't think my mannerisms or behavior, other than my sexual preferences are particularly female. I have definitely met men who are only interested in their own sexual release, and say they are not attracted to the man at all. I am, on the other hand, attracted to the whole man - body physical, emotional, spiritual - complete. It can make it tough at times, but I've learned to protect my emotional response in some of the physical relationships I've had.
In my experience, the 'bisexual men that you are talking about are, "Men Who Have Sex With Men". Previous called bisexual, but now re-marketed. I have been with my hubby just on 30 years, previously married to a woman for 8 years. Those 8 years were the turning point for me realising that I was actually gay and not straight or bi. My confusion was that during my childhood I'd gone through some abuse, I couldn't figure out if I was gay because of that, or was gay because I was gay. After a lot of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter, my emotional connection was with men, regardless of the reason. I think it is a question a lot of guys in my position ask. The issue I have had, as previously said, married guys are purely focused on getting cock, and usually as a bottom. They want to get screwed and leave. We have a couple of app profiles, both stating 'no married guys".
I guess I am an anomaly in this bisexual arena. It makes sense, and it has been my experience. Most men I meet are interested in sex with me but very few are interested in me. It has been very tough to find a man that genuinely wants to be friends that have sex. They as described are generally interested in their own release.
I don't think you are an anomaly at all, @Windman. Most men - especially truly bisexual men or curious heterosexual men are primarily interested in the sexual release of being with a like-minded guy. They have their drinking buddies, and the guys they will go to see a game with - but it seems pretty rare those same guys end up also having sex together. And even fewer are interested in snuggling on the couch while watching a movie!
This has been a big disappointment for me. Whether it’s a woman or man I just want to be with someone I love and connect with. This includes the sex as well as just sitting on the couch and watching movies or simply talking about non-sexual things. A person to go grocery shopping together, climbing, biking, etc, etc, etc. Then afterwards some bedroom fun. I’m pretty much done with women for various reason but they’re more likely to want to share in everything while men overwhelming just want the sex. I thought I found a man over a year ago but that fizzled out. Since then I’ve only met men who only want sex. I’m not interested in the hook up only culture so its been nothing for now.
@Jcinalco You need to come find me, or I need to come find you, my fellow journeyman... we are in the same boat, so to speak. I had a long-term marriage with a nice lady - she, however, was not affectionate, at all. She always waited for me to pursue her sexually which is one of my quirks - I like to be pursued, too. We did enjoy one another's company. I do remember she would hold my hand as we walked from the car to the grocery store, but cuddling on the couch was not her thing... her thing was her chair with her games or social media in her hand... while I sat there in my chair. I might as well have been alone - which is where I am today. I prefer being alone to that. Besides, I am not straight and I was living a lie. It would be so nice to meet a companion. I've learned, though - it does not happen easily among men. We do not look for it. When it comes along, it is when we least expect it and then it hits us like a two by four across the back of our heads.
I guess I'm more bi-curious than anything. I first had feelings when I was still in high school, but never acted upon them. They gradually went away, but flared up again my mid-late 20s. Again, never acted upon them, and went away again. The urges have come and gone in spurts. I have traded pictures with a few guys, and had cybersex a couple of times, but that is it. (I do get off on showing off my pics, and still do when I can.) A few years ago, those feelings came around again but more intensely, and have not gone away. The problem is I'm married and my wife would kill me if she found out. Plus my desire is have anal sex (receiving), which appears to be less common. I've no interest in sucking cock unless its mutual. Like in a 69. Or being spitroasted.
The longer I roam around this earth the more I realize that many men have sexual desires that are not fulfilled in a traditional way. Men who never thought they'd act on a curiosity or an urge to have some sort of sex with another man have acted on it later in their life. The common thread is - they still want to have sex and women have too many strings tied to it. It becomes evident to men it is just easier to get their immediate needs met by meeting up with another man. No strings. No drama. Whether that makes that man a latent homosexual, is highly doubtful. I am not sure that makes him gay, bisexual, curious or just plain horny and practical. Still it takes planning, maneuvering and cooperation for a man to figure out how to hook up with another man and do it safely. Depending on where you live or how daring you are, it can be done and with the reward they seek.
