Who has more control of our thinking; God or Satan?

Einstein's rubber sheets require more lubricant. Without slime like you, life would be impossible. Had I not made you sterile, you would become the blob that ate NY.

 

Okay, let's stop this, because you really are hurting my feelings.

 

The truth hurts for a reason, get over it already!

 

At least I'm not the mean one.

 

Would you prefer I gave you a lobotomy? I try to be a good sport about these things.

 

You don't even know how to give someone a lobotomy. You'd end up messing up my brain. So, no thanks.

 

I'm inside your brain right now and, trust me, its a mess already.

 

Like I said, at least I'm not the mean one.

 

Keep telling yourself that. There's something reassuring about muttering bullshit to yourself and without life's little mercies, there could be no God.

 

You must get a ton of reassurance, then.

 

God, what a jerk.

 

I only tell you these things for your own good. I would say it hurts me more than it does you, but I'd be lying.

 

Oh, you're one of those crazy manipulative narcissists. Been there, done that.

 

All I did was make it possible for the Devil to get whatever he wants, and all I hear are complaints. Which is why I opened a new complaint department with recorded laughter. You can return any gifts at any time.

 

la la la la la la I can't hear you la la la la la I'm not listening la la la la la I don't care what you say la la la la la I'm nice and you're mean la la la la la I don't care what you think la la la la la

 

Gooooooood......... goooooooood.... I can feel the anger! Are you sure you don't want that lobotomy?

 

What kind of a creep gets off on making other people angry?

 

When people ask my advice I tell them to study the comedy of the Three Stooges, Groucho Marx, and Gonzo the Muppet. That's all anyone needs to know about mortal fallibility.

 

Oh.

 

Whether you like it or not, I created the universe so everyone falls on their ass, planets collide, that sort of thing. Mixes things up a bit and makes it more interesting. Anyway, when you are born to fall on your butt you are a natural born clown named Satan.