Who can I help on here, and how?

Understood, and I know about the middle path you talk about. I think it is a fantastic concept for people who are on a spiritual journey trying to reach enlightenment through philosophy.

However, I do think that in a real world, day to day application, where porcelain_insomniac is asking a concrete question which is ''how can I stop putting myself down all the time'', it may not be of great help to him at this time.

Yes, the fact that we exist is worthy of itself, but for someone like porcelain, who likely feels that existence is punishment at this point, it may be best to reach baseline before exploring such concepts. Sort of like learning to stand before learning to walk...

Either way, I am happy you are challenging my advice, because it gives more angles, for porcelain to examine.

 

I need to get 10kV AC from DC 9V battery or from 230V AC. Can you show me the cheapest way?

 

Sorry man, not my department
google schematics for a HV generator maybe?

 

Interesting thread. All too often "advice" is very cliche or indiscriminate. With this question, I fear your age may interfere with providing a solid perspective, however, perhaps it will offer one that is fresh. It's about a break up from a man with whom I've had an affair. I gave him a heads up in email that we're at the end. It is my preference we have a phone call to close it fairly. Do men need or want that?

 

Are needy men what you want?

 

Actually my concerns are much more practical, like how to keep from falling into holes.

It was for an alternate perspective that I spoke up. Does it make sense that a mind in confusion could find consistent value. Our own sorting out ultimately means nothing. Our being is given us and it is not reasonable that we should also decide what it should be. That would be like us creating our own parents.

To the practical question, how can I stop?
We respond consistently with our own premises. Change the premise that you know the value of anything. We become depressed by our own judgements because we believe that they are true. As long as someone is convinced they are unworthy then where are they to find worthiness?

I'll leave it to you to carry on sir.
I hope I haven't confused the issue.

 

This is a matter sounds like something that should be taken on a case by case basis that cannot be generalized. My only advice is to ask him if he wants a final phone call. He might say no and really mean yes, but at this point, you have done your part.

Alternatively, it almost sounds like you would like to have the phonecall more than he might. If you feel you would like to finalize the matter with a phonecall, don't put it on him. Just be honest with yourself and do it.

 

All I am saying is that not everything can be settled philosophically. You are an extremely intellegent man, dope, but most of the time your statements bring up more questions than answers. It can be alot to take on for an 18 year old who is simply asking ''how can I stop putting myself down''.

It is however my hope that he reads this thread and finds value in both our points.

 

The clarity that it's over is in the email. I declared a phone call was better for this. He responded he is available later today. He may or may not follow through, and I can't make him dial, and I can't make him pick up the phone. However, if the phone call doesn't happen, I'll get that it is an indirect acceptance he sees it over too and doesn't need it. I just wonder about the perspective from men on how they would normally like to see it done.

 

If the man prefers a more direct approach, wether it be in person or with a phone call, I doubt that it would mean already being aware that the relationship is over when the call or visit happens. You already sent the email, he may feel like there isnt alot left to say.

 

@shivaya: there really isn't much to say and he needn't make himself available if that is what he truly thinks and by doing so he therefore he is contradicting himself. I'm just trying to be humane.

 

No. Humane probably would have meant not having an affair in the first place. It doesnt feel to me like you are being honest with youself. It feels more like you are more affected by this than you would like me to believe.

I don't have much else to say. Your original question was ''what what do men prefer in general'', and my answer remains that every situation is different because these matters are completely intangible.

If he wants to talk to you, he knows he can call. If it really makes no difference to you, than I don't see the need to seek ''advice'' about it.

 

Pretty judgmental for someone that is suppose to give advice. It was perspective I wanted. Sounds like you are a little TOO involved.

 

I am sorry you did not like my perspective. I am simply relating to you what I see from my point of view. If you come here and ask for my advice or perspective, I am not going to indiscriminately say whatever I need to make you feel better. If I feel that what you are saying to me needs to be challenged, I will, even if it leads to you not liking me. Anything less of that would be a disservice.

I don't really feel like you've asked anything other than your original question, which I have shared my opinion on twice. Why do you feel the need to talk to him some more? Closure?

 

It's a courtesy. We have a lot of history and many close times. I'm putting it out there as an offer to him just as any person that I've been involved with on any intimate level. Even with friends (intimate is not only sexual) I usually do something kind of formal if I've decided that I don't want them in my life. It's my style. I truly was curious if men want/need to have break ups "in person" (we're 400 miles apart) or if email is adequate.

 

I understand.
Unfortunately there is no one answer.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it is never easy to lose someone.

 

thank you so much, man. by the way, i am a girl not a dude, but that's ok cuz i am a little boyish and most of my homies are dudes, lol. i will take this advice, along with visiting my therapist to discuss my medication problems, so i can find a better alternative. i started tellin myself things arent my fault even before i read this post, and your advice made my day. you reminded me to never give up.

 

My bad little lady!

I'm glad I could help, and you should be proud of yourself for taking the steps you are taking to move towards more peaceful times. Keep in mind what dope said as well - being alive against all odds is something to be grateful of in itself

 

i often get anxiety from worrying about what others think of me. growing up, i was often denied my feelings. what i mean is, when i would try to say something or speak my mind, i was turned down or labeled as "annoying" "dramatic" "making excuses"..especially by my mother and step dad. (that was when i lived with my family, lol). One of my best friends back then would do this to me too..idk if she was aware but she was a helpful aid in makin me feel like my thoughts/choices/actions were usually wrong. Not to mention bitch ass teachers and all the idiots i put up with at middle and high school.

Whenever I would mess up or some shit, these people in my life would put me down and i could feel my self esteem lowering. one time my math teacher made me feel completely stupid, he'd talk to me like i was dumb when i'd ask a question. he'd even point out that my mind works differently than most and i need to stop being in my own world..in front of the whole class. This was very offensive to me as I do have a few disorders, so I yelled at him and stormed out of the class.

I've also been judged for certain interests i have, such as music, religion, and sexuality. My mom tore down my music posters, threw away my books on Wicca/Paganism, freaked out on me when she found out i had a girlfriend..etc etc etc

This is only scratching the surface of why i have such bad anxiety and self hatred at times. i used to self mutilate because all these people were putting me down and i felt like i deserved some kind of punishment for being so different. i felt like a burden to everybody.

But now I am doing much better. i try my hardest to not care what other people think..it's a tough but possible task. i lost my best friend the other day and it sickens me what she thinks of me now...after i was there for her when she tried to kill herself..

i keep losing people and it sucks. but it is what it is.

 

Hi, I am a 36 year old living in the United kingdom. I'm not really satisfied with my current job. I would like to start my own business fixing computers. I don't have the money to afford a long course. Given that apprenticeships tend to focus on younger people - how can I afford to gain the right qualifications/experience with out selling my body for 6 months?

I would love to know how government can help older people with re-training etc. We could help re-energise the flagging economy and it would be good for social mobility. I'm untapped potential